i am tired and fed up, she will not do as she is told?

Question

my grandaughter will not do as she is told. i asked her to have a bath, sometimes she runs away she would not do it, so i ended up putting her in their with her top on and pants and washed her hair she is nine, and told her to go to bed, she will not. At school she does not do as the teachers say, she wants her own way all the time, she is banging walls now and will not go to bed and i feel like smacking her. i am sick and tired of it all, she has been excluded from school for hitting kids and not cooperating, why does she act like this.

Answer 1

She is angry. Not necessarily at you, but at something. Are there family problems? Maybe you should think about taking her to a therapist to discuss what's bothering her. Good luck.

Answer 2

I'll answer for this question as well as the other you posted, in which you describe a bit more about where her parents are.

This child is not misbehaving because she's a bad person, she is misbehaving because nothing in her life is within her control and she is full of fear. She doesn't have control over her parents, she doesn't like the fact they've abandoned her, and yet, she can't do anything about it. At school she is surrounded by children with "perfect" families.. and yet she goes home to a grandfather who has limited patience with her. this is not an idyllic life for her, and she is afraid of what her future holds.... so she lashes out in anger and violence because she wants someone to make it all better.

She is nine years old and should not have these burdens cast upon her. Most adults could not deal with such rejection in their lives... that you would expect a nine year old to somehow be able to just "get over it" is surprising.

Love her. Get her into counseling and let the counselor worry about getting through her "stubborness" (which is really just fear). Let her know that YOU love her and YOU will not leave her and YOU will not punish her for being afraid. She needs someone to take the reins of the life she's been given... some adult who is responsible for her... and give her the love, acceptance and security every child needs.

Answer 3

You need to take things away from her and tell her that if she does not straigthen up she will be grounded for a month and stick with it meaning no tv no games NO going outside and no phone calls. tell her if he does have a problem then she needs to talk about it and stop acting out like she is. Tell her this is not how you solve problems. Tell her you are an adult and i am guessing you are her gardian so you need to tell her i am you gardian and you have to listen to me weather you like it or not. You have to get this undercontrol which i can plainly see you want too. Maybe if she can not talk to you maybe get a school counciler to talk to her that may help. You do need to tell her this actions are unexpecitable and if it does not stop she is grounded. When you do tell her to do someting be constiant with the punishment for not doing it and when you ask her to do it.
good luck i hope things work ot. Just also make sure you are doing this because you love her and care about her. maybe you guess really need to sit down and talk and ask why she is doing the behavior she is doing. if you need help get a family counciler or school one like i said before.

Answer 4

She probably has too many liberties such as lots of toys, watches lots of TV, lots of games, etc. Take away all these things till she realizes she don't own nothing on her own and that she depends on you.
Take her on long walks each day. Play frizbee or catch with her outside.
Once she starts acting right, give her a few things in moderation.
You need to be the pack leader. Be firm with her and claim your space.

Please don't put her on drugs. Try to fix this yourself before involving school or other entities that would push drugs on her.

Answer 5

Has she been evaluated by the school? They have Child Study teams set up for these occasions. I would look into having her checked by them first and then a psychologist/psychiatrist and/or neurologist.

Is this behavior constant or temporary?

I can see how you would be fed up. When did this begin?

Speak with the school counselor on Tuesday and ask him/her if their child study team will do an evaluation as soon as possible so she can get the help she is so desperately asking for.

Good luck and please do not give up on your precious 9-year old granddaughter who needs you to stand up and help her.

Great question!

Answer 6

She is definitely angry and is unable to express her feelings so is aggressive instead. This is nothing personal towards you but just her way of expressing something even she cannot explain fully. You don't have to deal with this alone though. Seek help by approaching her teachers and finding out if there is a counsellor or somebody who is experienced with this kind of behaviour. She needs understanding and to be shown another way of expressing her anger. You also need someone to talk to as she is probably picking up on your frustrations and reacting to them.

Act now before you end up doing something you regret. You are doing a great job (I'm unsure of where her parents are as you have not mentioned them) but you are unable to do this on your own. It would be easy to assume her anger is connected to her parents not being around (?), abandonment issues (?), rejection(?), feeling she has done something wrong for them not to be there (?) or that she is unlovable. All of these need to be addressed before they do permanent damage but all of this is guesswork as there may be a plausible explanation as to where her parents are so apologies if I've said something that may offend.

Good luck!!

Answer 7

She is obviously intensely frustrated and needs some calming, loving influence. As her grandmother you can begin to teach her how to control her anger and frustration. Hitting her will only teach her that grandma does not have self-control when she is angry, so why should she? I'm sure there are underlying problems to her acting out. Children imitate what they learn. Obviously she has learned that hitting is OK somewhere.

I honestly feel for you. It's very frustrating to be with a child who acts out this way. One of the best things you can do is ignore her when she is angling for some negative attention. You may hear the walls bang, but do it from the shelter of your own bed, with your head under the covers if necessary. The more attention her actions generate, the more she will act them out. Speak to her in a calm voice. Tell her you cannot talk to her until she calms down. Try to teach her how to do this. Breathe in and out deeply with her. Let her know that you can be trusted. She may have a lot more on her mind than you realize.

Are her parents around? If not, this may be a huge part of the reason she is exhibiting negative behavior. As adults, when we get frustrated, most of us attempt to work it through with our words. Stress the importance of this. You may want to (or tell her parents to) have her checked out by a counselor. She may very well be ADHD, or just need to talk to someone objective.

I know it feels right now as if she is acting out solely to make you unhappy, but her behavior begs the question that she may be very unhappy herself. Losing control (putting her in the tub clothed, hitting her) can only teach her that it is not only OK to lose one's self-control, but perfectly acceptable. I wish you the best. It's going to take a lot of patience and understanding, but I believe positive discipline (and a check-up by a doc/counselor) will work wonders. Sounds as if she is going through a very difficult time in her life. You can teach her so many coping skills. And if you feel you are about to get out of control, leave the room immediately and take your own "time out". Be clear that her behavior is not acceptable, but try to get at the root causes of her action.

Best of luck to you and your granddaughter!

Answer 8

Believe it or not, it seems like your grandchild is suffering from a syndrome called "spoiled brat." Obviously she is not being properly disciplined or she would not act this way constantly. I would try something small first like taking away her favorite toys or privileges when she misbehaves and if you have to work your way up to an old fashion spanking. Trust me, she will not die, after all I had more than my share and I turned out great. If she misbehaves at home she is guaranteed to be worse at school where she knows the teachers have limited options for discipline. How are her parents? The are also a major determining factor. Someone needs to set boundaries or things will only get worse!

Answer 9

Your grand daughter is certainly out of control, she is very angry about something and is acting out behaviorally. In my work (CPS Investigations) children who act like this have usually had some very serious trauma in their little lives. It may be physical, sexual or severe emotional abuse. One thing is for sure, your grand baby needs help and fast. Unfortunately they will probably want to put her on medications. That is wrong. She needs to feel and communicate what is going on with her. Not mask it. We have hospitals specially set up for children's mental health issues. I strongly urge you to do everything you can to get this girl help before you lose her forever and her behavior becomes not only permanent but worsens. If I can be of further assistance, please e-mail me through this medium. I am a professional and will not steer you wrong. Nana

Answer 10

Obviously, there are underlying problems with your granddaughter. The best way to help her is to talk to her one-on- one, eye- to-eye. If she does not respond to this situation, you will need to get her professional help. You can also go to www. Dr Phil.com. I hope this helps you and your grandaughter:}