My son, age ten is a generally great kid, but he has a short fuse.?

Question

Hi, my 10 year old boy (has a sister age 12) is really a great kid. He is quite smart, has a gennerally pleasent personnality, but has a short fuse when he gets upset or confused about something. I know he is ten, but otherwise he is almost the ideal son so to see him become so agressive, even lash out at times when he is just confused or upset by small things concerns me? Any advise?

Answer 1

He does sound like a typical 10 year old... BUT.. that doesn't mean you ignore his ill-behavior. You need to walk the line between under-reacting to his behavior and over-reacting to it. I think the best idea is to thoughtfully respond to what he's doing.

I'd wait until he's not in one of those moments.. .then talk to him calmly about how HE feels when he acts like that... And whether or not he thinks there might be a better way of handling himself. Then you can talk to him about what YOU do to control temper and feelings.

Also remember that boys have a high need for physical exersion to release emotional tension... So giving him chores to do on a regular basis... lawn mowing, wood chopping, window washing, car washing... those are all good, constructive things he can do... that will also give him "thinking" and "processing" time... Also, a basketball hoop (pitching net, soccer net, golf swing net.. anything he can do on his own to release those pheromones) isn't a bad idea... and it comes with a line that goes something like this... "Y'know, when I get frustrated with stuff, I like to (fill in the blank)... I know some people who take a walk or go for a run.. or shoot hoops for awhile... maybe that might be something that will help you."...

See? He's 10... just talk to him about it. My guess is, he's not any happier about his behavior than you are.. and he's feeling guilty about it, too, and doesn't know what to do with all the new things he's feeling.... So help him out.

Answer 2

In some way he does sound like a typical 10 year old but you do have a reason to be concerned. I think he needs to work on his patience. You can help by using the following approach: When he becomes upset or confused tell him to take a 60 second breather so that he can think about the situation and what has upset or confused him, you can then ask him questions about what confused or angered him, and try a different approach for the problem or situation. This practice will come in handy as he gets older, trust me! Good luck!

Answer 3

My 11 yr. old is the SAME way! Everything is a big damn deal. So much drama! He can get upset over not understanding homework and when I try to explain he refuses to accept that I know what I'm talking about. I can see that he is not even listening to what I'm saying because he's already made up in his mind that there is no way to figure out the problem. He will argue with me that it's not the way the teacher told him to do it. If he falls down he screams like he is about to die from the pain.

As much as I hate you are having to go through this I'm kind of glad to know I'm not the only one. It seems the more I read and hear this is pretty typical behavior for a 10/11 yr. old. Maybe it's giving us the "heads up" for the coming teen years.

God help us.

Answer 4

Google anger management and just pick up some information and you will probably come across some basics that you can pass on to him at the right moment in a heart to heart talk. He needs to understand, and might as well now, that he can't control everything around him, which is where anger comes from in many people. But to improve in this area would be a nice jump forward in becoming an adult.

Answer 5

I way over 10 and have the same issue - if there is a cure I'd like to know. Basically, get down to his eye level and talk - really talk to him. Ask him why he is so upset. Ask him what he would like to have done to help. This may result in tears or more anger. But just keep trying. As long as he knows you care and are trying to help, that will calm him down - and who knows, he may tell you what you need to know to help him thru this. Good luck - he is an growing up and facing lots of emotions - if you can develop a line of communication now, it will pay off big time in the future.

Answer 6

I have five kids. I take the girls who are 8 and 10 in the bathroom with me. I started letting the three boys go into the bathroom without an adult around 12 alone. I still stand by the door though and I dont care what others think. A 13yr. old girl was raped in a local bathroom here and not a soul heard a thing. My older boys are 16 and 15 they go together. I dont think a grown women should use a public bathroom alone. I seriously am firm on the group bathroom thing.

Answer 7

What you say about your son sounds very familiar. I have a 6 yr old boy who's great...very affectionate, smart, beautiful but when he is upset or feels someone disses him he just goes up in flames. Seems like any little thing makes him tick.
I don't know if there's something we can do about it but in the meantime love him and enjoy him. Good luck! Happy New Years!

Answer 8

I have a son who is 9 and it sounds like you are talking about him. I have gone to the local therapist (insurance reasons) and asked for him to be put in an anger management class and the guy told me that he didn't see an anger management issue. at that point there was nothing more i could do because the anger management classes are quite expensive and i can not afford them (i am a single mother)
I do know though from various sources that the best way to proceed in this circumstance is to remain calm when my son looses his temper. DO NOT over react and do not give positive reinforcement when he has an out burst. When i evaluated myself on this i found that when my son's temper would flare up i would react by trying to talk to him.. and such. i have checked myself and been sure to talk to him before he would flare up... some warning signs for my son are being defiant and talking back. if i did not catch the signs or caught them too late and his temper came out i would say " I know you are angry right now when you calm down we will talk about it." then i would ignore him. COMPLETELY. oh wait i forgot to mention. when he was calm and i knew he was receptive we sat down and talked about his temper. i told him that i understand he got mad sometimes and when he did and stopped listening to me i was going to ignore him until he told me he was ready to talk. then i left it up to him when he was ready to talk. I have found that his outbursts are less frequent, and when they do happen they are of shorter duration.
I hope this has helped you!
Good luck and God bless!

Answer 9

Take a time out...see what he is so mad at...ask him. Good things to do...make him keep a journal of things that upset him. Let him wear a ring to rub when he gets upset. Teach him to count to 10 before speaking when upset. Other than that...just give him a big hug and let him know that above all you are always there for him and that you love him no matter what.

Answer 10

Lots of advice mountain man. Anger management counseling. Your son gets frustrated, perhaps easily and seems unable to control his outbursts, he then lashes out and is probably right back to normal afterward. Anger management counseling is perfect for your son. It will help him build skills to control his emotions, maybe even replace the anger with something more productive and teach him about his triggers and how to manage them. Good for you for caring enough to seek out some answers for your child rather than just putting him on some stupid medication that will not help him grow to be a good man. Pat on the back and kudos to you. Good luck. Nana