my husbands exwife uses thier 7 yr old daughter like bait to get what she wants and to controll my husband.she still loves him after 6yrs and uses any chance to just call him up and chat(daily)she can't stand me,being i married her husband(no he did not leave her for me)and limits my contact with thier daughter(can't spend time alone with her,not allowed in her school)even through the both have joint custody and the list goes on.so please there has to be other people like me in this situation how do you do it?please don't say tell you man to get some balls and tell his ex off becuase he will not.he has allready told me to except it or he is going to divorce me if i bring it up again.i keep hoping she will find someone and leave us alone but shes so nasty no one wants her.
2006-12-30 06:59:48 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
There could be a number of reasons why your husband is allowing this situation to exist. He could possibly still have feeling for her, he may be experiencing unresolved guilt over the divorce and how it could be affecting the child, he may abhor conflict and can’t face dealing with difficult situations, he may be trying to have his cake and eat it too, his ex may have something over him, etc.
Would it be possible your husband be willing to discuss this situation with a mediator such as a marriage councilor? Resolving this issue requires a joint front by you AND your husband. This issue can only wear down destroy the marriage. If he refuses to help in any way, you definitely should get some personal counseling and you will need to decide if you can or wish to continue to life with this, because without his participation, I see little to no chance of any thing getting better.
This may not be what you want to hear, but that is the reality of the situation. Get help in sorting things out for yourself and your future. You don't need to keep yourself in such a miserable situation.
2006-12-30 07:05:33 · answer #1 · answered by Calina 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry you are going through this -- it sounds very difficult and uncomfortable. But sadly enough, this is the reality of second marriages, especially when there are children involved. If you think back to the time before you married your husband, I imagine that you will realize that you were aware of this situation and thought, naively, that it would change.
Your job is to be the bigger, more gracious person and always stay civil and polite, most of all for the little 7-y.o. girl's sake. She didn't choose this, and doesn't want to be in the middle of two warring factions. By doing this, you'll bring peace to yourself by refusing to mix it up w/ the ex-wife, and you'll set a beautiful example for your stepdaughter. I know it's hard, but you can do it!
Good luck, and God bless.
2006-12-30 07:59:37 · answer #2 · answered by meatpiemum 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a second wife & have had a handful of drama from the time she knew I was in the picture. (she got some one to give her his cell phone list ) They were not together when we met 2yrs ago & we didn't start dating then. You will have to find your own space in this relationship. See, if it was like this before you said "I do" you must deal with it. But, if it changed after that.... there must be room to adjust even slightly, bit by bit.
I don't know if you are christian or not. But, prayer always changes things. GOD didn't want marriage to keep families apart. So there is something that can be done.
I agree with the above comment . Get some personal couneling if not the both of you.
2006-12-30 07:07:00 · answer #3 · answered by MIn.Tia 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most men, who are really over their exes, wouldn't allow her to control his new life. They don't chat about anything that doesn't directly have to do with their children. They don't let their exes dictate the whos, whats, whens, or hows of visitations. They also don't tell their current wives "If you don't like it, I'll divorce you." She's not "...so nasty no one wants her." She's got a man. You just happen to be married to him. Other women, who have successful marriages to divorce men, don't have to put up with the kind of things you're willing to. That's how come their relationships work. Your marriage will only last as long as you're willing to allow yourself to be treated like crap.
2006-12-30 07:10:25 · answer #4 · answered by QTPYE 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok listen, IGNOR HER!! pretned she's not there. she just dosn't exsist. she's just annoying noise. That's it.
2006-12-30 07:04:38 · answer #5 · answered by Sali 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋