my daughter keeps hitting people?

Question

my daughter is turning 2 next month, and latley she's been hitting people. yesterday, when i put her in her carseat, she started hitting me in the face, and when i put her hands on her lap, and told her no hitting, and told her that it hurt, she laughed and did it again. she does this every time i tell her to stop hitting. she thinks its funny. what should i do?

i WILL NOT hit my daughter back, or beat her with a shoe, any good ideas on positive reinforcement?

Answer 1

I am so glad you have decided not to hit your child back! Continue to put her hands in her lap and firmly tell her "No hitting". If she continues to hit, move away and ignore her. Tell her you cannot leave to go somewhere until she stops using her hands. Give her as little attention as possible when she does it and praise her when she doesn't hit. She is young and truly doesn't understand that it's not funny. She may also be testing limits so be firm. The less you pay attention, the more she will able to realize that hitting does not "work". Always say "We do not hit. We do not hurt people." Then remove her from the person she is hitting, and if that person is you, tell her you will not speak to her if she hits. If you are in public, take her outside of the store, etc. and tell her you cannot go back in until she stops hitting. Then step away from her and follow through with your words. It will take some patience but I promise it will work, from experience. Your daughter probably does not yet realize how to react bodily when she is excited. A simple "No" and maybe a distraction or two should work wonders. By not hitting her back you are teaching her already that it is an unacceptable behavior. Bravo to you!

Answer 2

Tell her it's not funny, and next time do more than just put her hands in her lap. Next time, give her a warning. "Don't hit mommy again, hitting is bad. It hurts people. If you do it again, you will get time out." And if she does it again, put her in her room for 3 minutes, it will feel like forever to her. Go when the time is up, and tell her she has to say sorry. If she does not say sorry, give her another 2 minutes. Go back. If she is not sorry yet, give her another 2 minutes.. and on and on. She will eventually say sorry. And if she does it again, just always do the same thing. Whatever you do, DON'T hit her back, even a little smack on the butt. Then she will think it is okay "hey, mommy is doing this, and mommy's know everything -- right from wrong -- so this must be okay!"

If you are in the car when she does it, tell her not to do it again, and if she does, try to ignore her for the the first 5 minutes of the car ride (depending on how long it is). After 5 minutes, ask her nicely but firmly if she is sorry. If not, ignore her again, and try 3 or 4 minutes later. If there are others in the car, tell them to ignore her until she apologizes. She will learn.

Good luck!

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And don't threaten to take away birthdays or Christmas, that won't do any good, honestly. It will hurt her feelings more than anything, and if her birthday is taken away anyway, she will have to reason to behave when you tell her "no birthday party." Fine then, but she will keep it up.

And don't beat her with a shoe..
Also, this doesn't seem like a "Nanny 911" issue; you can most definitely deal with this yourself, and it is actually very normal at this age.

Answer 3

Hitting is a normal part of Toddler development. As children grown older they are trying to figure out what works and what doesn't. The likelyhood of her repeating any behavior is based upon your reaction.

Next time your daughter strikes you, hold her hands. Tell her that Mommy does not like being it. It hurts you and it hurts your feelings. Make sure your body language reflects this. If it is done at home or in public, place her in time out. One minute for every year old she is. While she is in time out, leave her alone. And when the time out period is up, restate why she was put in time out and let her know that is not ok to hit because it hurts Mommy's feelings etc...

(I work in a daycare center with 15 1 1/2-2 1/2 year olds :) I get beat up on the regular basis, but this techinque tends to work when enforced.)

**Good luck! But know that this is something you MUST deal with. If not, a hitting toddler will turn into a hitting teenager!

Answer 4

CONSISTENCY is always the number one key when raising a child. I do agree with a pop on the butt or hand once in a while but since you don't here are a few other ideas.

Time out works wonders. One minute per year they are old. You can do time out in public too. I have put my 7 and 4 year old in time out in the store in countless places. I have said 'Do I need find a corner?'. They say 'Mom there aren't any corners in here.'. I then say 'Mom can find a corner in a circular room.'. In time out they need to stay put on their spot. If they get up put them back. If it takes 20 times of putting them back to keep them there then do it. As I said consistency is key. When they are put there I explain why they are there. When the timer goes off they can not move until I talk to them. They have to explain to me why they are there. If they can't remember I help them to remember. If they wronged someone they have to apologize to them for what they did.

Another idea is counting. I prefer to count down rather than up. I don't use this technique for hitting but for getting them to respond and get things done. If I get to one and they aren't doing what has been asked then they go to time out. I usually start from 5 or 3 if I want a quick response. When cleaning their room I may start from 30 or 50. If it is something like cleaning their room then I will slow the counting if I see them working diligently. If they slow or get distracted then I will count a few number fast. I always allow them enough time to finish so they can see that they did it. That is where the positive reinforcement comes in. They have no clue I set them up for winning. They get what ever the task done every time.

Ignoring only works in certain situations. I don't agree with ignoring hitting. That needs to be handled immediately.

Last you do need to remain calm and praise for good behavior.

Answer 5

After putting her hands down and saying don't hit you should say "No hitting, Hugging!" And give her a hug.Children are usually hitting because they don't know how to express their emotions.If she laughs and hits again after you've put her hands in her lap then tell her again but don't wait for her to hit you again. Move quickly back so she can't hit you; don't wait for her response to the desipline. She will outgrow this. Do this everywhere and anywhere that she shows this behavior for three weeks. After three weeks. If she does this at home you should have a time out spot in your home and make her sit in time out for one minute for each year of her age. (two minutes) I use a step. And don't stand over her. If she gets up gently put her back on the spot and kneel down to her level and say "no hitting, you sit in time out, don't get up untill I let you up" very sternly without yelling. IF she hits someone while visiting someones house you do the same thing. The argument for time out should only last that two minutes. She is very young. She will get sick of time out. And the argument of staying in time out. And don't forget, if your telling her not to hit-you can't hit.

Answer 6

My little man canbe the same way, he's just turning 3. Make sure when you tell her this you change your facial expression and tone so that she realizes the difference between when you're serious and playing. Hold her hands and make sure she is looking straight at you when you tell her "that is not nice, you are hurting mommy, and if you do it again you will get in trouble." Although you would hate to see your little angel cry, it is important that you show her the pain she is inflicting upon you. Pop her hand hard enough to make her cry or at least get her attention. Ask her if it hurt and she will understand how you feel. It is important that you teach her this at home so that she wont hit someone outside of your home who hurt her for such innocent actions. Good luck. Also, be persistent!

Answer 7

The best thing that worked for us was to ignore it all
together. Any attention if reinforcing negative behaviour.
Just buckle her in and close the door. Or start singing a song.
She will wonder why Mommy is not telling her to stop it's not nice.

Answer 8

you've evidently got her exposed to other kids since there's your not hitting her at home. Kids generally pick up habits at that young age from T.V. or other kids or they've seen others hitting others. I'm glad that your looking into this because it does escalate if you don't address it immediately. Good luck and have fun (they do grow up quick)!!!

Answer 9

tell her that its not a good thing and people don't like it. plus she might t be wanting some attention from you. i have a 1 year old brother who does the same thing but if my mom gives him a little more attention he stops.

Answer 10

When....you probably don't believe in that hit your child mess, so give her a pinch or too(don't hurt her). Or you could introduce her to some "time-out" and groundings. Take away the Bratz Dollz, Barbies, and threaten to take away Birthdays and Christmas and other things she loves. This needs to be stopped before she gets older because then she can hit harder and kids act more rebellious around the older age. Oh and if you still need help, can Nanny 911! Don't ask me how though because I don't know. But before you do, smack her or get some guts and beat her with a shoe, then see if she still hits you. I don't know your rules so be careful about the hitting because people take that as a sign of abuse. Or you could completely ignore her.