Should i forgive him?My trust in him is shattering.Please advise..i need help.?

Question

I've been in a good relationship for 4 yrs.but i recently found out that my boyfriend talks to women online..i.e.dirty talk..n even uses his webcam for this purpose.he doesnt know any of these women personally.And i suspect there's one woman he specially chats with(he even sent her christmas greetings n tells her he misses her!). everything else about our relationship is great(or so i thought,until now!).he loves me.and i love him very very much.I always try to keep him happy in every way.I have no idea why this has happened.And it has shattered my trust in him.What should i do? Should i confront him with this issue??If he admits to being guilty,which im sure he is,should i forgive him?Even if i do confront him,he might jus change his yahoo id or somethin..n i'll never find out what he's upto.! I had suspected all this a few months back but he had assured me that i was the one he loved and was most important to him.I thought it wont happen again.But it has! what should i do now?

is there anything i can say or do that will really make a difference...or is this relationship doomed?
i dont know if i can ever trust him again..but somewhere in me,i want to..and i want this relationship to work. But only if im sure this will never happen again.He's always been very loving. And we've had happy relationship apart from this.Im so confused.

Answer 1

it will happen again. Don't fool yourself.

Answer 2

You do need to talk to him about it. Tell him how you feel. Ask him if he has everything he wants. They are instinctively charting other women, for future possible GF. They all do it. Unless you are honest with him your relationship will not do well. I personally, have discussed this with my guy and he doesn't do it anymore. He saw no harm in flirting on-line since he doesn't actually know the girls. But he did stop because it bothered me and now all is well between us. You have to have communication. That is the key. If he is not happy why waste 10 years being nice and not finding out for sure for him to leave you in that time. Find out now. Also I purchased the SSPRO for my PC to actually check and make sure he is not chatting anymore. I did show him the program though so I am not hiding anything from him. Good Luck. Just be careful with whatever key logger you get cause some are very bad. I found that SSPRO was the easiest and safest.

Answer 3

If you've been together for for years then you need to be up front and honest. Gice him a chance to change. That's a long time to just throw it away because you don't want to bring it up. My initial reaction is just to say he'll never stop, it'll just get worse, and other stuff. But you need to try first on your part. The webcam has got to go forever. Not negotiable. It's not necessary to even have one. And sometimes this dirty online talk can be an addiction. It means he definatly has a little pervy side to him. Tell him straight out that you are not OK with it on any level and he needs to stop. It's either you or the Internet dirty talk. You don't have to make the ultimatum the first thing you say, be nice about it, but just know that that is where YOU should stand. And be firm. This will not go away by itself. Ask him if there's a reason why he does it, or does he feel something is lacking in your relationship. Once he QUITS PERMANETLY w/ the online dirty talk, you need to spice up your sex life. This is important. I'm not saying he's doing this because he is unsatisfied with you, that's not the issue, but like I said, he has a little pervy debauched side to him (which is OK, I do to, a lot of people do) but you need to help him satisfy that side of him. If you're not too against it maybe even go to a voyuer club. Don't touch, but you can watch. It's sounds nuts, but it's kind of hot. Unless you are completely turned off by this, then don't do it, try something else. Blindfold him, even wear some wigs and play dress up, he sounds like he's into anonymity(spelling bad on this, sorry). But this online thing has to stop NOW. DO NOT let it progress further. If he changes his screen name after you let him know how you feel, then it might be seriously time for you to walk away. If he is unable to quit this addiction knowing how strongly you feel about it, then he will only progress to doing it with real people. Make sure he KNOWS how strongly you feel. Don't do the coy girly thing and allude. Blunt and to the point. Period. Good Luck to you! Hope I've hepled. And DO NOT put this off for long. It may be uncomfortable, but what's worse- being uncomfortable or being cheated on by someone you love?

Answer 4

Thats so sad :( sorry to hear that. i would be furious-- u have to let him know that u are really sad and dont appreciate that because you would never do something like that to him.. or ask him what would he do if it was the other way around?? maybe there is something lacking in the relationship?? ask him. because if he has to send xmas greetings to this one other person obviously he is looking for more-- instead of him being online all the time why dont u and him just hang out together - that way hes with u and not in front of the computer like a guy who has no life. and trust me-- if u do confront him which u should do and he does change his id-- would u ever want to have a future with him? or a husband like that?? he has to change because he wants too.. remmeber u can't make ppl change -- or just break up with him - yes it may hurt but in the meantime go out with friends or talk to other people.. if he really does cherish u he will know what hes missing out on.. good luck

Answer 5

I do think that you have to confront him in a calm manner and tell him you know what is going on. Ask him why, ask if he intends to carry on with this and explain the hurt you feel. If he denies it or gets angry with the questions, then I think it is time to walk away, as painful as it may be.
You need someone that you can fully trust, trust has to be earned as does love.
If this man will not tell the truth or stop doing wht he is doing, he then does not deserve or want your love.
You are worthy of more, hold up your head and look around you, there will be someone who is desperate for your love and will be worthy of it too.

Answer 6

Men and the Internet.... It would be different if he was just looking at free pic's and short videos. That's no different than watching a **** or reading a dirty mag. But the fact that he is developing "relationships" is very bad. You need to leave him, and be adamant that this is what you consider "cheating". I don't know if he will ever change, but you do not need to be disrespected any longer. There are guys that actually get "addicted" to this type of thing. It will make you question yourself and destroy your self esteem. You need a partner in life whom you can trust to inspire you, support you, respect you in whatever you choose in life. You do not need this one, no matter how much you love him. You need to say goodbye, calmly, and firmly. Even if you are crying - tell him you love him, and goodbye.

Answer 7

I have solved a lot of problems by using the simple theory. ‘If you can’t beat them, join them.” Confront him with the facts. Tell him you absolutely disapprove of his obsessions, but because you love him and value the 4 years relationship you are willing to join the party…yes make all his future chat sessions a three-way affair. Or tell him that you have decided to take up the same hobby, start talking dirty etc. with guys even if your heart is not in it. Give him a taste of his own medicine. If this is not your cup of tea then I suggest that you break off the relationship.

Answer 8

This is a very serious issue. If he feels the need to engage in these activities then he obviously needs something else that he isn't currently getting from your relationship. On top of that, there is a fundamental breech in trust. If you cannot trust that he won't continue doing these things, then you need to break up with him because things are only going to get worse from here. I would suggest that you need to first confront him on the issue and then see how you feel about him after, specifically whether or not you feel you can trust him not to do it any more.

Answer 9

You know what do not pay that no mind just relax make you happy tell him how you fell about whats gowning on with the two of you first he may say you too are coll but you no hes on web talking to this girl sending stuff and show hes man too others talk slow no yelling that gets no where see how that goes

Answer 10

He can assure you that you are the one he loves but remember it is probably because you are there and that other woman is not. Put some distance between the two of you - move out if you are living together - and let him earn your respect if he wants to or find someone else who respects you for what you have to offer since if he did, he wouldn't be online with this other woman!!

Answer 11

if u stay wid him even after he has cheated on u then u will only suffer heart ache n misery. he is not the one for u. if he geniunly cared abt u he wudn't have acted this way. this guy is a sex addict(dont mind my sayin that, but u should be able to see the truth). love n emotional feelings mean little to men. ask urself if this had happened to ur friend or sis would u advice her to be with such a man. when it comes to us, we become a little partial n cant make the right decision. u know the answer urself, ur being blind( love generally is). walk out of it n find someone who is worth ur love.