my husbands exwife uses thier 7 yr old daughter like bait to get what she wants and to controll my husband.she still loves him after 6yrs and uses any chance to just call him up and chat(daily)she can't stand me,being i married her husband(no he did not leave her for me)and limits my contact with thier daughter(can't spend time alone with her,not allowed in her school)even through the both have joint custody and the list goes on.so please there has to be other people like me in this situation how do you do it?please don't say tell you man to get some balls and tell his ex off becuase he will not.he has allready told me to except it or he is going to divorce me if i bring it up again.i keep hoping she will find someone and leave us alone but shes so nasty no one wants her.
2006-12-30 06:44:43 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
You have a number of choices none of them nice or easy.
You can accept the situation but have nothing to do with the ex or daughter.
You could give him up and divorce him. he has not moved on from his ex or he would have come in behind you and supported your complaints and dealt with the ex.
you could ask for a court restraining order against her on the grounds of harassment. this might provoke your husband and I am not second guessing his reaction.
Also you could ask for the telephone providers to block her phone numbers on all but one and I would suggest the most expensive for her to phone. this way she could have her little chats and you wouldn't have to deal with her.
Look after yourself if things have got this bad then you should consider whether you relationship is worth it. Your husband isn't committed to your relationship if he threatened you with divorce if you brought it up.
LOOK AFTER NUMBER ONE
2006-12-30 07:07:07 · answer #1 · answered by peter w 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like this is a painful and challenging situation. It also sounds like you and your husband have argued about this more than once. Here's my best advice... as a "first wife" with three kids and as a juvenile probation officer, who dealt with a lot of children from divorced households.
You have to honor the commitments your husband has made in his life. He divorced his ex-wife. He wouldn't be much of a man if he cut himself off from his daughter, and so, contact with the ex-wife is absolutely necessary. What is it that you expect him to do for you? Stop seeing his daughter? In order to see her, he has to play by the ex-s rules, at least to a certain degree... either that or expose his daughter to their ongoing battles. Better, in many cases, to cave in just to keep peace for the CHILD.
Anyone who comes along after that, including YOU, needs to understand that his primary obligation is to that child.
Does it need to be every day? Probably not, but it could be. The bottom line is, it's really something he has to work out on his own, and the more you react to his contact with the ex-wife, the worse it makes YOU look. If she really is a manipulative woman who wants him back, you're just playing into her hand, which just makes it more fun for her.
Paste a smile on your face, DO NOT ALLOW YOURSELF to complain... not even once... not even in the smallest way... Simply support his need to spend time with his daughter. If she's not succeeding in driving you apart, then she may well back off. In time, if she doesn't back off, then speak to your husband in terms of how it makes you feel when (fill in the blank).... Do not accuse him of anything when he's just trying to be a good dad... And don't every put him in the position of choosing between you and his daughter. You will lose.
2006-12-30 06:57:29 · answer #2 · answered by Amy S 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just try and not let it get to you. Be as happy as you can with your man, the one she wants and let her see you happy. It'll eat her up eventually. As for the daughter, they will always be incontact because of the child, just try and be nice even if it kills you because the child may grow to like you. Are you and your husband planning to have any children? Maybe your husband should not talk everyday to that woman. Try and talk to him, tell him it hurts you that his ex wife keeps calling, and try and set up a call time a few times a week . Like, Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays after dinner, what could they have to talk so much, that everyday seems too much. Good luck. And remember he did marry you not her again.
2006-12-30 07:02:23 · answer #3 · answered by us5we2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well first of all he shouldnt be threatening to divorce you over something like this. It sounds like you want to be part of the childs life you just want her mother to stay out of what goes on with you and your home and you have that right and yes i am in the same situation as you so no your not alone. I have went from avoiding the woman to the point of haveing enough and telling her how i feel myself. i hate to tell you this but until your husband gets on your side and tells this woman he needs her to be respectful to you im sorry but this is true because until he does that she will see you are a door mat for her to do whatever she wants because she knows he will side with her so i hate to say it but you have to get him on your side and tell him she at least needs to be respectful to you because if you two have children believe it or not it gets worse if its not delt with. good luck. best wishes to you.
2006-12-30 11:47:34 · answer #4 · answered by nuzzihuzzi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel what your saying but If your husband can't get any balls then your relationship wont last. Trust me because this will always be on your mind. Or you can just block it out like I do. Far as blocking out situations I have to deal with with BABY MAMA DRAMA!
2006-12-30 07:24:40 · answer #5 · answered by crashaw76116 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋