I've been in a good relationship for 4 yrs.but i recently found out that my boyfriend talks to women online..i.e.dirty talk..n even uses his webcam for this purpose.he doesnt know any of these women personally.And i suspect there's one woman he specially chats with(he even sent her christmas greetings n tells her he misses her!). everything else about our relationship is great(or so i thought,until now!).he loves me.and i love him very very much.I always try to keep him happy in every way.I have no idea why this has happened.And it has shattered my trust in him.What should i do? Should i confront him with this issue??If he admits to being guilty,which im sure he is,should i forgive him?Even if i do confront him,he might jus change his yahoo id or somethin..n i'll never find out what he's upto.! I had suspected all this a few months back but he had assured me that i was the one he loved and was most important to him.I thought it wont happen again.But it has! what should i do now?
2006-12-30 06:42:26 · 9 answers · asked by tina 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
is there anything i can say or do that will really make a difference...or is this relationship doomed?
i dont know if i can ever trust him again..but somewhere in me,i want to..and i want this relationship to work. But only if im sure this will never happen again.He's always been very loving. And we've had happy relationship apart from this.Im so confused.
2006-12-30 06:46:36 · update #1
Leave him... sooner the better
2006-12-30 06:45:30 · answer #1 · answered by simplegirl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went through this, and to be honest I left it go for some time before saying anything. I printed out copies of the conversations, and saved that. I began a chart -left to right line chart, tracking when these conversations have occurred. One day, I whipped out the chart, and proved it had been going on for a period of two months straight, and to prove this chart was accurate I whipped out the emails too.
For a person to mean nothing so much time would not be spent online with this person, in sexual oriented conversations, was my argument. I am not with her no longer, needless to say.
If you are going to confront him be sure to have your evidence, and be sure of the timeline it had been taking place. Also, rarely does behavior change of its own, what has happened in the past generally will happen in the future, so you do not need to prove it is not happening in the future, it is but you have not found out about it is the only factor.
May change people he talks to over time, may wait a while, but if it occurred in a serious way in the past and in the present, then it will resurface in the future..with or without your knowledge.
2006-12-30 06:53:34 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please understand that forgiveness doesn't absolve him. It only benefits you.
If you want to stop carrying around the hurt feelings and pain that he has caused with his actions, the only choice is to forgive him.
Please also understand that forgiving someone does not mean that you have to put yourself into a situation or remain in a situation where the same thing will happen again. I had to learn this the hard way. I finally found that I could forgive my husband for his sexual abuse of me, but that didn't mean I had to stay with him and let him continue.
You have to make the decision: is your relationship with him worth the pain and anger his actions cause you?
The book "Love must be Tough" by Dr. James Dobson, speaks of setting up a confrontation. If there is damaging behavior by one party of a relationship, behavior that is damaging to the relationship, it must be confronted. This must be done as calmly as possible and in love. Your man needs to know for certain that you know about his behavior and that it is unacceptable to you. It is not how you treat your partner, and it is not how you expect to be treated. That if he wishes to continue his relationship with you, this behavior must stop and REMAIN STOPPED. Before you confront him, set up an alternative for yourself, a place you can go if you need to. If he chooses to continue his online cheating, you will have to leave him. If he then makes an attempt to stop, a real attempt to reconcile with you, then you need to use your best judgement on whether or not he can stick to it. You must certainly look at past behavior for clues there. If this is already something you have talked with him about, than an ultimatum, 'Either you stop, right now, or I am gone', something like that, is probably in order.
My dear woman, if his fantasy life online is more important than you, (and his actions need to speak here, not his words) you are wasting your time with him. There is a man out there who is looking for a woman like you so he can treat her like a princess.
I speak from experience.
God Bless
2006-12-30 07:03:04 · answer #3 · answered by Woodsprite 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For some reason he finds doing this with strangers thrilling. There is no way you can top that thrill. He has gotten a taste of something that is more thrilling to him than you are. I will never understand this kind of behavior but I can tell you this; I would dump his sorry *** and find a man that loves the real thing, me and not cyber sex.
2006-12-30 06:49:47 · answer #4 · answered by sunny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should do what you want. I would confront him with it and tell him goodbye. That would be that...months of deception are not forgivable in my eyes. Then he'll be free to cyber with whomever he desires.
Honey know something...you cannot "keep him happy" or anyone else...each person chooses to be happy or not, we are responsbile for our own happiness...his cheating has nothing to do with you not "keeping him happy" it has to do with him being a selfish cheater who cares more about some internet fun than he does about you or your relationship. I wouldn't tolerate being at the bottom of his priority list.
2006-12-30 06:49:51 · answer #5 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
think of it like this if u talk to another man online would he like it if u talked dirty talk and use your webcam he would be mad i think you should follow your heart and make this decision based in what your heart says
2006-12-30 06:48:18 · answer #6 · answered by action tells it all 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he asmits to being guilty if he doesn't then comfront him. It's the only way.
2006-12-30 06:46:09 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dump him, he lied about this once and he'll lie about it again.
2006-12-30 06:47:25 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he loves you he'll stop if you ask him to.
2006-12-30 06:46:47 · answer #9 · answered by wutsup? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋