I have an almost 12yr old daughter that has sort of regressed. Any input?

Question

She has become very needy of me, whines and even cries sometimes just for my attention. Is kind of a lazy kid, doesn't want to do chores and get this... says she doesn't want 2 grow up or get a DL & car. She feels like Peter Pan had the right idea

I might also add that "The Puberty Fairy" is just now starting to visit and she has no intrest in boys, YET.

Answer 1

I think she just wants you to give her permission to continue being a kid. The correct response is, "Wouldn't it be great if we never had to grow up? i think Peter Pan had it right, too!!" The car thing? Once she's in high school and is surrounded by other kids driving, it'll be a bigger deal for her... maybe... some kids don't get their license until 18 now... It just isn't the big deal it was when I was a teenager... Let that one go, too.

It sounds like you've built a world for her in which she feel free to express that she is afraid of growing up... even if she doesn't use that language. So, you're doing it right. Just give her the space to continue being and expressing herself. The media pushes our kids too fast... let her know that's just magazines and music videos, and that she should take all the time she needs to grow up, if she grows up at all... that way she'll feel as if she's empowered to manage her own growth.

Of course, this does NOT mean you don't make her do homework, household chores, etc... at an increasingly independent rate and manner... She really has no choice but to grow up... you can just make it feel safer for her by handling her current emotions well...

Answer 2

ENJOY IT!!!!

In two years she won't want anything to do with you, for all you know two years from now she is having sex with half the school, is addicted to crack, sells grass out of her locker and beats up little kids for their lunch money.

She is growing up, she knows it, you know it. She is afraid, you are afraid.

Give her all the attention you possibly can, work the next 10 months on being her BFF, that she can come to you any time with any problem, and you will listen and act. She should not need to whine, or cry, just look at you and you will know that something is wrong and you need to talk, or play cards, or just give her a hug.

Maybe, just maybe if you work it just right, in 2 years she'll come to you asking about birth control for "a friend", or what might happen if "a friend" smoked pot. What you do now, will affect how your relationship will be then.

And by the way.... Peter Pan DID have the right idea!

Answer 3

you need to have a talk with her ask her how do she feel about herself,do she have friends are they treating her right have or are people teasing her in school.I have a 12 year old son and he was in that way coming out of it very slow..Are you spending time with her is she the only child she need some time with mom you are her best friend if you got a younger to she is jealous.My 12 is the youngest other than the dog give both the same amount of love and fun if I see 1 get jealous I ASK WHAT ARE YOU JEALOUS ABOUT?when the cry or wine for no risen i ask them do you really want something to cry about and just show my hand or my belt that will stop the crying for nothing when they don't do when told I tell them your name is on my belt do you want that? Now that they got a little taller than me they can take a punch they a boy,they know if they hit me they got to handle dad and he don't live too far to come here.

Answer 4

12 is hard for a girl....at least it was for me. I wouldn't worry about this, unless you also see depression coming in to the mix. What has happened in her life lately, to cause this need for you? She seems like she wants to re-establish her mother/child connection. My son (16) has no desire for a DL, although his dad and I bought him a car for his bday, and feels just like your daughter does about chores, etc. His dad and I went through a divorce, and I have since remarried and had a child. I think my son is this way, because of so many changes for him. If I were you, I would be watchful of her, but allow her rebond with you. The outside world is a scary place, and she might want/need the reasurrance of mom. If depression emerges, or you feel this isn't normal behavior, talk with her teachers, school counselor or seek other professional help.
Good luck to you.

Answer 5

tell her to grow up and act like a 12 year old bcuz people don't want a friend who whines all the time. Being lazy is not a good thing. She can't live with u 4ever she has to get a job and take care of herself.

Answer 6

Hormones arekicking in. Kids this age feel scared. My daughter is clingy. Girls need constant reassurance and love. Make sure she has plenty of visits from friends her own age. Girls talk about puberty amongst themselves.My daughter says similar things. Ensure she is involved in fun activities during the holiday break.

Answer 7

She is normal its a kind of scary age to be, not really a teen quite but not a kid anymore either. Everyone saying things like grow up and act your age and then saying sorry you are not old enough . I can understand her not wanting to grow up because sometimes it seems as if growing up is just a whole bunch of work and not much fun.

Answer 8

She hasn't regressed she has simply enterered puberty...it's going to be like this for a few years....and she is right Peter Pan DOES have the right idea.

Answer 9

show her some life, show her there are good things to grow ......and besides you dont want your girl to loose virginity by 12 or go to myspace .....you want that kid to play with dolls till she is 14 ! and her first love should be in her 15s not 12.......that makes big impact on her life

Answer 10

well i am 12 and I went through that stage, but I had a reason to not want a car and stuff like that: i watched my best friend bleed to death from beng run over.