Am I being too conservative?

Question

I am a mother of five kids ranging from 14 to 1 and my husband has three kids from a previous marriage they are 17 20 and 21. During the holidays the 17yr old came and stayed with us and she brought her boyfriend(18) with her.I get on really well with her and it was lovely to have them to stay especially for my husband but he thought it was normal for them to stay in the same room.They stayed for four nights and i know for a fact that they had sex under our roof which makes me feel uncomfortable.When I approached my husband he said that I was being too conservative and failed to see the difference between us having sex with the kids in the house and my step daughter and her boyfriend having sex.I just felt we were setting a bad example for the younger kids especially the 12&14yr old who are at extremely impressionable ages.It is also a respect issue for me.Was I being too conservative?Do you think my kids even noticed an unmarried couple sleeping in the same room is strange?

Answer 1

No your not i would not have let them stay in the same room. Them having sex under your roof is very disrespectful especially if the daughter is only 17. And yes im sure your kids did notice and are learning from there example.Tell your husband how you feel you get a say in what happens in your home 2

Answer 2

It's your house too, and you have a right to say what you want happening there. At the same time though, it's his little girl, and if he's happy for it to happen... You need to come to some sort of compromise though before your own kids reach that age where they want their partners to sleep over. Maybe you could allow them to sleep together but tell them that you don't want to know they've had sex. I know though that I'd rather know that my kids were having sex in my house than out in a paddock somewhere. If they're going to do it anyway, isn't it better that it's at home where there's more chance of them using a condom than in a paddock at the spur of the moment and then getting stuck with a pregnant daughter? This day and age though, I don't think that the other kids would have thought anything of them sleeping together. There's so many people that do it that it's normal now. You obviously have different opinions to your husband, so you need to compromise before your kids reach that age...

Answer 3

First of all, your preteens, and even some of your younger ones definatly noticed that they were together. As far as being conservative...that's a personal decision. It's definatly something to be discussed with your husband, but to me, letting them have sex together under your roof implicates to them(and your younger ones) that you condone that behavior, and it's perfectly ok. From what I can read, it's not. To me, there's a HUGE difference in a married couple having sex, and unmarried people having sex. My feelings are that people dont want the responsiblity of marriage, yet want (some) of the perks, when it's convienent. I was married at 16, so dont think I dont understand what goes on with teenagers.

Answer 4

you don't need to worry about being too conservative. i see that you are wanting to do the best you can in your family, for example, wanting to look out for what the younger children are thinking. to tell you the truth, yes, i believe the children, even the younger ones noticed that the older couple was sleeping together. one suggestion i can come up with is have your step daughter sleep alone when she comes over. i can tell you from personal experience young kids will get the idea very quickly that it is all right with you if you let people sleep together. go ahead and work something out with your husband and the step-daughter and her boyfriend. i'm proud of your moral standards. today they are slipping away quicker than anything.

Answer 5

I dont think you are being to conservative at ALL! That is just wrong and your right its a bad example for the younger ones. You dont want that to come back one day with the "well she got to why cant I". But you are also on a thin line because shes not your daughter so that puts some stress on the whole thing. You have to figure is it worth the fight? Good Luck

Answer 6

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Answer 7

I think that it is a normal reaction for a mother. In a certain extend, the 17 years old and his boyfriend didn't respect the fact that there weren't alone.

But that means too, that they feel comfortable at your home.^^

Answer 8

The kids dont miss a beat.You are right.What the kids see happen at home is what they deem as normal.

Answer 9

No, you are not being too conservative. You have your children to worry about, and it is also your house, your rules. If it makes you uncomfortable, then seperate rooms would have been appropriate. Yes, your kids did notice, don't sell them short.

Answer 10

They probably would have snuck together anyway. But, I can see where you're battling this. But, its over. So, no point in dwelling on a decision that was already made and executed.