What could be wrong with me?

Question

I am British and live in the U.S I moved here in march. My husband of three years is American.
I miss my mom very much. She is 72. We are very close I call her every two days and we email a lot. We live din England for about two years after getting married. I just keep crying. I feel like I want to move back. My husband is wanting to stay here. I love him dearly but it doesn't change how I feel. He spent $2000 on my residency application. I am witing for my social security number so I can work but even with that most employers want to know how my English education compares with American. I cannot tell them as I do not know so I will have to pay to get it professionally translated.
Casn someone tell me why I feel like this. I have bi-polar by the way so that doesn't help. what do you think. Kind answers only please.

My Mom couldn't move here. She and I have a beautiful black labradorcalled Billie. Billie is 9 and the flight would not be good for her. My Mom would never leave her. It broke my heart to. She is like a baby to each of us. Also the resisdency process was stressful enough for me and my Mom has angina so I definetly would not put her through it.

Answer 1

plan a long holiday with your mom before you start looking for work. she is still your mom and as she gets older it is natural you would worry and wont to see her I am sure you are also missing your dog

Answer 2

I can explain it this way.
I am uncomfortable with heights and so are most other people. Yet I work on top of airplane wings almost every day. It is not a disorder because I manage to get my job done. If I was to allow my fear to evolve into a state of panic and would refuse to go up on the wing, then I would have a "problem" with my fear of heights that keeps me from doing my job.
What you are going through is a major adjustment and it sounds like you are at the point where you are going to retreat and go back home. The only advise I can give you is to try and step out of yourself and your fear and make some decisions based on sound thinking without the charge of emotions. This is not easy but it might help. If you are a spiritual person then the answer is easy. Take all of your problems and wrap them up in a bow and give them to GOD. Then watch and pray wile you wait for an answer.

Answer 3

You may be having the onset of an episode if you are bi-polar. Check with your physician for advice about your medication. Your usual clarity may be slipping and perhaps you need to increase you medication to compensate.
Moving is very stressful much less emigrating to another country. Your mother is special to you and you're so far apart now. The phone and e-mails don't replace the physical contact but maybe a wbcam might be better. At least that way you can actually see her.
I hope you work things out but remember that professional advice is safer than opening your heart to lunes like us on this site.
Good luck and peace

Answer 4

I am so sorry you are going through this. I'm sure the combination of culture shock, homesickness and your bipolar disorder are making life miserable for you.

You've taken on a lot of stresses, which is not good for someone with bipolar disorder. I can't blame you for wanting to move back.

Are you able to go home for awhile for a visit? Perhaps that would help to take a break and get some perspective.
Then, take everything one step at a time.
If you decide you want to stay, then that's what's right for you.
If you choose to come back, then don't try to do everything at once like applying for your residency, ssn, employment etc..
Sometimes just stepping back to square one can make all the difference.

Sending you good thoughts..
Kallan

Answer 5

Yeah, I would think that the bi-polar bit could make it very challenging for you. I hope that you are taking medication for that if you have been clinically diagnosed with bi-polar. Still, you can be healed from bi-polar. Jesus Christ can heal you of this condition. But please don't stop taking that medication until you are certain that you no longer need it.

Emotions like the ones you are experiencing are like the "warning lights" on the dashboard of your car. They indicate what is going on inside of you. It sounds like you are spending a lot of your time and energy focusing your thoughts backward on your home across the ocean. It is natural to miss your mother, and to want to spend time with her ocassionally. But family relationships are often dysfunctional. That means, you may be relying upon her emotionally in a way that is unhealthy for someone your age.

Our parents are important to us in our early years, our lives and developmental process is centered around them. Many times (and I have noticed this particularly with women) people never make the transition of becoming "their own person." That is to say that you develop a personality that is distinct and seperate from that of your parents, that you are able to stand on your own two feet so to speak, emotionally.

I think that you have made a great decision to move far away with your husband to start a new life with him. This is a great opportunity for you to mature and develop this seperate identity that I'm talking about. I had to do the same thing myself several years ago, when I moved away from home to another region of the country. I wasn't across an ocean from my family, but I was far enough away that I could not very easily go see them. It was a wonderful experience in maturity for me. Yes, it was hard for the first year or so. But it got better with time. When moving to a new place, there is a lot of adaptation that is required, and it is unsettling being in a place that is completely unfamiliar. It just takes time.

My advice is that you keep on what you are doing, and pray for the Lord to give you the strength you need to make it through each day. Find a church to get involved with, and meet new people. This is not always easy either, but necessary. Try to call you mom less, and focus on where you are now more than where you used to be. Find something positive to look forward to and focus your thoughts on that. Whatever you focus your thought upon is what you are going to feel the most. Thoughts ALWAYS produce feelings. So whenever your feelings go bad, check up on what you have just been focusing your thoughts upon and change it to something good.

God Bless.

Answer 6

It appears to me that you're a bit homesick. Also, being unable to work, you've got nothing to keep your mind occupied, so you start thinking about it all the time and thus these feelings increase, or at least won't go away. Perhaps you should find a nice hobby for a bit, like a small garden or doing some jobs around the house, just to keep yourself busy and keep your mind occupied.

Answer 7

You’re homesick. That is perfectly understandable. Would it be possible for her to move and live with you?

Have you checked online to see if there is a website that shows how a typical British education compares with an American education? Check around. You might find something that would satisfy potential employers.

Answer 8

You are homesick. What you're feeling is perfectly normal. This is why my fiance & I broke up; she didn't want to leave her family & move with me to another state.
Your husband is your new life. You need to loosen the ties (I didn't say to break the ties. Just loosen your grip) on Mom & push a little harder on adjusting to life here. Try meeting your neighbors. Make some new friends & develop the bonds here that your heart aches for over in England.
I do want to welcome you to America, & I'm sorry this transition has been rough.

Answer 9

I would give it some more time. I know it is hard at first, but you may find that everything will turn out better in time. Take it from me- a guy who has lived in 4 different places within his lifetime. Adjusting to a new location is tough, but sooner or later you will consider yourself to be one of the locals. It will feel like home. Hopefully.

Answer 10

ur close to ur mom....thats the problem maybe thats y u wanna move back so try to convince ur husband that u wanna go back and spend sometime wit ur mom. even im like u but im just 17 and i cant bear the thought of stayin away from my parents even for a single day if i was in ur place id try to do everything to go back and if i wouldnt then id just PRAY TO GOD