My mother has told me many times over that I'm inconsiderate and think only of myself, yet I'm to be at HER beck and call whenever she wants. She criticizes me constantly and thinks every idea or opinion I have is totally off the wall. We have not talked for over two months and we didn't spend the holidays together. Instead of trying to work out the issue with me, she has involved practically everyone she knows, telling them she has no idea what my problem is and just seems to be brushing me off as usual. I have finally realized that I HAVE HAD ENOUGH! This may sound awful, but my life has been so peaceful the last 2 months without her nagging and putting me down. It is doubtful that we can ever be civil to one another, although I would try if possible. So, how do you tell your mother to just stay out of your life, without being labeled as the bad guy? I am so confused. I don't want to hurt her, but I'm tired of her always hurting me. Hope someone knows the answer.
2006-12-30 04:18:21 · 10 answers · asked by boogians 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Hi,
In today's world, there is too much tip toeing around problems and bad issues, and trying to do the politically correct thing, and final result is, you end up being miserable and paying a price for what? Someone Else's wrong doing?
This may sound a little hard core, but perhaps you need to write her a letter and tell her like it is, and spell it out, getting everything out on the table in that until such time as she can learn to behave properly and to treat you like a normal human being, you want nothing more to do with her.
I pick up vibes that her underlying problem may be her having never been able to deal with your leaving home and you are seeing the results of her feelings.
In essence, she still sees you as her little girl she born into this world and raised and cared for, and can't deal with you being out on your own, as in her eyes, you must do things her way, as she can't imagine you being able to be your own person and live your own life, without her guidance and direction. Hope that made some sense.
She really has your best interest at heart, she just cannot conceive of you being able to do the right things without her being involved.
In closing, it is extremely important that you understand, believe and realize one thing:
You are not in the wrong, you have done nothing wrong, you are not the bad guy for standing up to her, and last but not least, you are guilty of only one thing. . . .and that is wanting to be yourself and live your own life.
You may want to leave an opening in your letter in that when she can understand that you are now a grown woman and have the capability of making good decisions on your own, you will be glad to be close to her again.
Have yourself a Happy New Year,
Darryl S.
2006-12-30 04:53:34 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well the problem is...she's a mom! She thinks she's right because she knows more, (and she probably does), but that doesn't give her the right to put you down. The only way to solve the problem is to talk to her. Don't make plans to do it, or she'll make excuses why she's busy. Just show up one day and talk. Tell her you love her, but you can't take her put downs all the time, because they make you feel bad, and as a mom, it's her job to support you. Until she can start being supportive, it's best she stay away. It's a hard thing to do, but I had to do it with my mother in law. Unfortunately, for me it only worked for a little while, but I can stand up to her much better. So in the long run, I guess it worked. I have a back bone where she's considered now. But to just cut her out, without talking first would be wrong. This way at least she can;t go around telling people she doesn't know why.
2006-12-30 12:34:09 · answer #2 · answered by purpledragonflyjrh 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
who cares what she does or what she says... 2 MONTHS FOR NOT TALKING! u r the one doing the wrong thing becuase she will never come say sorry to u becuase u r the one who is supposed to do that!
Your mother should be the person u love most IN THE WORLD becuase believe it or not u're the most imporant thing to her!
after u have made up with u're mom talk to her about what u think and what u want IN A NICE and reasonable way.
2006-12-30 12:50:22 · answer #3 · answered by daniaamily 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe, try treating her as you would a peer, instead of a "mom", and think of how you might ask a buddy not to do that to you. And maybe prove to "mom" that you're mature, and maybe prove to "mom" that she need not treat you as a "kid" but rather as the adult you are (are you one?) Chill out!
2006-12-30 12:24:16 · answer #4 · answered by fjpoblam 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no matter what you tell her, you are going to be labeled that bad guy because that's what she's going to tell everyone. why even tell her at all? you two haven't spoken for 2 months. i say just let it go. if she has something to say, let her come to you.
2006-12-30 12:25:39 · answer #5 · answered by redpeach_mi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
keep silent.
just let your mother talk,let it in on your one ear and out the other ear.
dont hurt your mother's feelings,she's still your mother.
2006-12-30 12:50:10 · answer #6 · answered by Ivy J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well write to her what u feel
and what u think she should be doing.
just pen down ur feelings and give it to her.
it would be easier and when no one is looking;
2006-12-30 12:23:06 · answer #7 · answered by Melissa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried family counseling? Would she go?
2006-12-30 12:22:50 · answer #8 · answered by Yahoo Con 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Basta ya!
2006-12-30 12:29:08 · answer #9 · answered by ponder2006 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
there is no way sorry just try listening to her nooooooooo waaaaaaaaaaaaay sorry
2006-12-30 12:22:34 · answer #10 · answered by Hello 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋