Should I Make my Son do the Dishes?

Question

I have two children, my 7-year-old daughter Lily and my 5-year-old son Tom. One day during before Christmas, we finished dinner and left the dishes stacked up at the kitchen sink. I decided to train my son Tom to clean the dishes, but just as I started my wife stopped me. My wife is Christian and because the bible states that women must serve men she therefore believes Tom cannot be exposed to dishwashing, which was, as she said, "a woman's job." Instead, my little girl Lily had to do the dishes, and she wasn't happy with that.

I don't mind if my wife does the dishes. The problem is that she almost never does them and expects Lily to do them. She doesn't even accept help from me or Tom.

One night I spoke to my wife. She told me that not only were these gender rules important for religion but they were also important for Tom's future. She claims that when Tom grows up he will never be able to get a girlfriend if he serves her.

Is this true? Is there evidence that women want this?

Answer 1

I hate to tell your wife this but most young women have to work outside the home and expect their men to do some of the housework and that includes dishes. She's living in the 50's while the rest of us are in the 2000's. He nees to know how to take care of himself at the very least - how to make a meal and clean up, how to do his laundry,how to keep a house clean because what if (god forbid) his wife should die an leave him with a few children to care for.

Answer 2

First of all I am a devout cristian and have read the Bible many times over, and there is no verse that expreses that men cannot help in the kitchen or anything of the sort. It does say thogh that men must act manly (this is said in relation to non-homosexuality not house roles) also it says that a man is head of the house, but not that men cannot do house chores. On a purley secular level this is a misconception, that men cannot do chores or they will grow up to be abnormal in any way. I can tell u from experience that my parents always gave me chores around the house when i was a kid and I even had to cook on some ocasions. This only fortified my sense of responsiblility and made me a hard-working person. Now, there is a trick to making your son do chores implement the, reward system assign him an allowance if he doesn´t have one yet, and if he does tell him that he will only reicieve it as long as all his chores are done ect. This will entice him to want to do chores. In the long run it has been proven that this over-protection spoils growing childeren and makes them grow up to be unproductive adults as. This can also lead to raising Tom with an abusive mentality twords women, that they are under him and therefore must be enslaved for his benifit and things relevant to this line of thinking. So as far as I can advise you it would not only be a good idea but it would benifit Tom as well as u. Remember don´t belive anything the church says without proof, any statement I make involving religion I make sure I can prove it with the Bible or by direct and clear logical thinking. So if u ever doubt anything ASK for reasons, if they can´t answer it´s because its beyond even a religious scope and you must trust your insticts on it.

Answer 3

Awww, I think that is so sad that your 7 yr. old daughter has to do the dishes but then I think your wife will rethink that when you guys get sick because I doubt she is really capable of doing a good job unless she is using a dishwasher but still she must have to stand of a stool to reach and then does she clean the knives too? Why not let her play? Poor little Lily... :(

As for the 5 yr. old doing the dishes... uh, no! He is too little. Teach him to pick up his toys, that's enough.

As far as him not getting a girlfriend if he serves women, I think that is silly. There definitely needs to be balance in chores and if one works outside of the home and the other does not then of course they should do the dishes, it would be a natural part of thier contribution but either way a both should be able to take care of themselves.

Hopefully your son will go off to college and live a little bit of a single life while he grows into a man and he will need to know how to take care of himself during those times. You wouldn't want him to marry just so he would have someone to do the dishes would you?

Answer 4

Wow! I think you need to have a good long hard conversation with your wife and tell her that she's gone a bit too far with her religion. The Bible is one thing and everyday life is another.
There's completely nothing wrong with a male doing dishes. This gives him more skills as to when he's on his own.
Growing up, my father cooked - did dishes and some house chores and both of my parents went to church.
Woman was NOT put on this earth to be man's SLAVE!
EVERYONE in the entire household needs to pitch in and do what they can to make sure the home runs smoothly. When everyone helps then you have more quality FAMILY time. Doing chores, for children, is a great way to earn an allowance.
My son, with 3 girls, has always done 'household' chores and then they have more quality family time together. He NEVER expects his wife to do it all.
Being a house wife is a difficult job and anytime we can have help then we truly appreciate it. Keeping the house running smoothly is everyone's responsibility.

Answer 5

When I first started reading this question my initial reaction was Tom is a little young to be doing dishes, as is Lily. I have 4 kids (14, 10, 9, 7) and each of them has chores to do. My 14 yr old son does the dishes for us on occasion. I believe that all children, boys/girls, should be exposed to household chores regardless of religion or belief.
As for your wife believing Tom will not find a girlfriend if he serves her, that is pretty bizarre. I would be ecstatic if my husband helped with the house cleaning without being asked.
As a women and mother I want my children to be happy with everything that they do and I don't think that my girls will be happy if they have to "serve" the man they choose to spend their life with.
Good luck with this dilemma and have a great 2007!

Answer 6

That is not true. I am married and my husband and I love each other very much. We both are Christain and attend church regularly. We spend time praying with other, but we do not wait on each other had and foot. Your wife should not have to do every thing around the house and neither should your children. When it's time to cook dinner we do it together, we clean up together and it really helps out relationship. One day cook dinner for your family and have the whole family clean up together. One wash, one rinse one dry and one out away. It will build a relationship and show your children how to work together, Also tell your wife that when God made Eve he took a bone from Adams rib, the bone closest to his heart. If God intended for the wife to be the slave he would have taken a bone from the foot. Let her know that you should work together nad that the woman and the man are equal. Tell he that when you were married you became one, you became equal. If all else fails then suggest coupls counseling. This is not going to be good for your children when they get older. Your son will want to be waited on hand and foot by his wife because that's what he was taught to do.

Answer 7

I'm a bit more concerned that your wife has a 7 year old little girl doing dishes for a family of four, with no help allowed. That seems abusive to me.

As for the gender roles, the bible commands that women submit to the authority of their husbands... not that they serve them hand and foot... and... for the best example of servanthood... Jesus washed the disciples feet just hours before he was imprisoned before his death.

She's way off base and it sounds to me as if she needs some professional help to get back on track.

Having children aged 5 and 7 help with household chores is a good practice, but things like dusting and vaccuming, cleaning up their toys, making their beds... those things are appropriate for children of that young age. My kids started helping with dishes at age 10, and laundry at age 12. They're not slave labor... they're your children... You have a responsibility to show them how to take care of themselves and how to serve one another... not females serving males... but sharing responsibilty and being individually able to help when/where needed.

Notice I said YOU have a responsibility... these aren't your wife's decisions to make on her own. You need to take the reins and be the head of the household, by example. Don't let her stop you from helping with the dishes... don't let her stop you from setting the example both your children need to see of a compassionate and caring, leader in the home.

Answer 8

My son came late in my life so I spoiled him way too much.
He is 34 now and he finally figured out how to do the dishes, I am ashamed to admit that it was my fault. But it is. Every mother should allocate the same amount of housework to both genders,
Believe me, a grandmom of 74, a wife today needs all the help she can get and would not tolerate a guy who does not know how to help in the kitchen, laundry room and so forth. Please do not do my mistake, teach the boy whatever needs to be taught to be a good husband. He will need it

Answer 9

Who will take care of Tom when he is on his own? Will his mother come over and clean his dorm room or apartment? What women will want a man that can't take care of himself? They will think that he can't take care of himself, he won't be able to take care of a family. I'm sure you did dishes in your life time. You are the child's father, put your foot down and tell your wife there are things that a boy needs to learn and you are going to teach him. Also do the bathroom and laundry, he needs to know how to do these things for himself.

Answer 10

What? I expect my man to serve me, and yes every once in a while do a load of dishes. It's called self respect, what women wants to cook, clean, work and take care of the children, while the men just come home and sit. That sounds absurde! you'll just raise a spoiled child that never learns responsibilty. Time to be a man and start doing the dishes yourself and send her to the couch every night.