Getting married?

Question

I'm getting married in 2007. My fiance and I have been together 4 1/2 years. I'm having a hard time figuring out who should perform the ceremony. My fiance doesn't believe in god and doesn't want the ceremony to revolve around that. Any suggestions?

Answer 1

Unless you have a justice of the peace perform the ceremony, I'm at a loss. Most weddings are presided by someone of a particular faith. Tell your fiance that it doesn't revolve around the minister, but this is all about the two of you...

Answer 2

Do you want your wedding to be traditional but not involve a lot of "God" in it?

You can have a nice outdoor wedding and even wear your white dress. You don't need to be in church to have a beautiful wedding. A lot of parks rent out beautiful gazebos, you can look into that.

Do lots of research and find licensed judge to perform the ceremony. It can be a casual wedding ceremony or a formal but you can have him or her read off the vows you and your fiance wrote together from your hearts and they don't have to say anything about God.

I am the same way as your fiance. I don't want my wedding to revolve around God either but my fiance shares that belief. Do you beleive in God? If so try to compromise something with your husband to be. Maybe there is a way you can fit God into your ceremony without making God a big deal.

A lot of times the judge is also a notary. When I lived in Louisiana my sister found a licensed judge who had the right to marry a couple and notarize their marriage license. If you find one like that you can save time and money.

Congratulations and good luck

Answer 3

All I can tell you is what we did.
We didn't want anything 'churchy' or anything as sterile as a justice of the peace.

We collected ideas from books, movies, Internet and personal thoughts.
We created/wrote our own ceremony with a more neutral, earthy almost pagan feel to it... this suited us just fine.

We had a minister/reverend ( a very open minded, flexible one) perform our 20 minute ceremony...he was great, really lively.
There was one mention of God and one Amen which was okay with us...no huge big deal.

It was held in a tasteful, neutral setting which was comfortable for everyone.
Our religious friends enjoyed it because it was different. Our atheist friends thought it was great because it didn't preach. The older guests thought it a breath of fresh air.
People still compliment us on our choice of words we exchanged and how the whole thing was set up.

I would suggest to you to make it personal, creative and think it through from all angles... once done there's no going back... we rewrote our ceremony at least 5 times... talking it through together is worth the time to see what you want...

Interview people who perform ceremonies and ask them for samples of their work or if they are open to additional material.
It worked for us... just take the time and find the right person it's so worth it because you'll always remember them.

Good luck and have a happy everafter!

Answer 4

What about you? Do you believe in God? I think that it is important for the both of you to reach a compromise on this issue before marriage, not only for the sake of your ceremony, but for the sake of the rest of your lives. Faith, whatever religion, is such an important part of humanity. It affects every aspect of your daily life.
I just got married in May. I was unsure as to what type of ceremony as well. I consider myself very spiritual and do believe in God, but not the church "hype". We chose an outdoor ceremony, nixing the church, and found a Pastor that was willing to work with us in a non-denominational ceremony.
Maybe discussing with your fiance why he doesn't believe in God, what he does believe in, and what type of ceremony he foresees would be a great starting point. Whatever you decide, just make sure that it works for you as well. Best wishes!

Answer 5

I'm in the same situation. My fiance' believes in God but isn't religious so we are getting a non- denominational pastor to mary us. You have to do your research. We are getting married outside, we have a child already and we don't go to church. It is important to us to have someone who isn't going to judge us. I'm sure that is a concern of yours, too. Just call. It also doesn't hurt to tell them your situation. Your getting married because you love and cherish each other and nothing else matters. There are a ton of wedding ceremony speeches that don't even mention God. Like I said, do your research on the net and on the phone. Good luck!!

Answer 6

You can get a judge/justice of the peace. However, some don't want to do ceremonies outside of the courthouse. Do some research on judges in your area if you want to go this route.

You can always have a friend get internet ordained. This is possible and legal!

Do a Google AND a www.theknot.com search for officiants in your area. Many officiants will have websites that describe, in detail, the kinds of ceremonies they perform. There are some who will do secular (or mostly secular) ceremonies.

Good luck and congratulations!

Answer 7

This is a bigger issue than the wedding. Have you talked about how you're going to raise the children? (If there's a theological divide...work it out early.)

That said, you have several choices:

Unitarian Universalists have Judeo-Christian roots, but accept people of all belief systems. They frequently have traditional-looking (if understated) churches, and may represent your best compromise, if you're looking for a traditional wedding light on God.

At least in Texas, we recognize the ordination of Humanists. The Humanist "faith" as it were, celebrates man. (I know several, they are highly ethical people, but have no interest in what they consider a magical "God".)

You can always get married by a judge or justice of the peace (depending on the rules in your state).

And, when it comes right down to it...if your boyfriend doesn't feel TOO strongly on the matter...you can talk to most members of the clergy about toning it down to make him more comfortable. It depends a lot on how big a deal this really is.

Best of luck to you both in the new year. The important thing is that neither of you should sacrifice too much on this one, working through this now to find a compromise is going to save you a world of grief later in your marriage.

Answer 8

You could get married outside. If your close to the beach, or even in a woodsy park. You should be able to find a judge or justice of the peace, to perform your wedding. Check in the yellow pages and ask friends or family. Good luck.

Answer 9

My friend got married recently and the grooms aunt was the officiant. I am not sure if she has always performed weddings though or if it was a one-time thing, but it was really nice. The wedding took place at Fenway Park in Boston and was just amazing.

Answer 10

Like what the others said, do your own vows , I think this means more anyway. Speak from your heart and him also to what you honestly feel you want to happen in your life together. A friend of mine decorated a hoola hoop and they stood in the middle of it and had a poem written about the eternity of a ring, from there they exchanged rings and it was very moving.