how do I choose between two men?

Question

I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years, and we have lived together for most of that time. We've had ups and downs in our relationship but we've settled into an easy, fairly happy, comfortable and stable thing. We love each other and although it's not the most passionate love, we have a lot of affection for and understanding of each other. He's my best friend, too. I have met someone else, and even though nothing physical has happened between us, I have strong feelings for him, I think I love him, and he's in love with me. I don't know what to do. Despite the feelings I have for this new man, I don't know if I would be happier with him. He's more on my level intellectually, and we have more interesting conversations than the ones I have with my boyfriend. The other man has a good career and my boyfriend isn't qualified in anything and doesn't know what he wants to do with his life. I just can't choose between them, what should I do?

Answer 1

Im glad I'm not in that situation, one partner is enough, and if you were happy with the one you have then your eyes wouldn't have wandered. Most relationships go through a tricky patch at some point or other and as you've had your ups and downs then at least you know what to expect and how to deal with things.

with someone new you have to go through the learning process all over again and yes the passion will be strong but will you have the strength and confidence to start anew and the understanding and patience to make your partner feel special. After all, in five years you have learnt a lot about the guy you're with and he's knows your little quirks too. Someone else may not be so forgiving and may struggle to keep up with your ideals.

Its a big step, but it's your choice and we can only paint the picture.

Answer 2

Whew, tough choice.

Ok, look at the future here. Do you want a dead beat "husband", a dead beat dad if you get pregnant? (and don't tell me you're on the pill..pill or not...pregnancy happens when you least expect it.)

If you do end up preggy, and the "doesn't know what he's going to do" boyfriend stays at home while you work during your pregnancy...well..that's something to think about. He sounds like the dead beat type, always with excuses why he cannot do this or that.

Now, you have the other guy that's got a decient job and seems to take responisbility for his actions. Think of that one also.

It's difficult, but what would be best for YOU in the long run. Which one is more likely to leave you if he knocks you up? Or, which one would stick with you if you suddenly developed cancer. Who would support you the best and who would dump you like a hot potato.

Also, a "comfortable" situtation is often that...just comfortable, until someone better comes along. While someone being your best friend in a relationship is a great plus, and may make for a longer relationship, you've got to think about the furture, and the "what if's"

What I would suggrest, when you're alone or he's not around, is to take some paper and pen. Make a list of "pros" and "cons" of each guy. The good qualities and the bad qualities. That may help you decide which quality is more important to you.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Stick with your boyfriend.
You know what you lose, in this case a very decend guy that loves you and that you love, but you don't know what you may find, if you find anything at all.
What if after living your bf, and getting with the new one, the same thing happens again?
I think you should try and address the problems which are in your relation. Nothing is ever perfect. The grass is never greener elsewhere.
There will always be something, it's a question of what is preferable or what you can live with or without.
But something tells me that you would regret this decision.
Keep what you have, especially if you have nothing to repproach him with.
Excitement doesn't last long, and it something that two people are responsible for creating in their relationship.
Now maybe you like the sparkles, the idea of being well off, having good relations etc...You do need to make sure that it's what rocks your boat before going for it.
Good luck.

Answer 4

I don't think you love the new guy; I think you're physically attracted to him. So, the real question is whether it is worth throwing away a good loving relationship for a few moments of passion and physical pleasure. If you want to break up with your boyfriend, that's fine. But make sure you do it for the right reasons. For example, personally, I don't like the fact that he still doesn't know what to do for a living. Nobody expects him to be a lawyer or a doctor but he should be able to rely on himself by now and earn his own money somehow. As far as I can tell, lack of education did not use to be a problem but it is now. You don't need to feel guilty about it. People change-you change-and start to appreciate things they didn't think that important in the past. To sum up, if you're happy with your boyfriend's character and personality and have managed to accept him for what he is then you should definitely stay with him. However, if deep inside you wish he was a bit more like this new man you've met-educated, cultivated, smart, self-reliant, with good career prospects-then, you're certainly looking for sth else in your life and you owe it to yourself to pursue it. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Answer 5

No matter which one you choose; years from now it may be the wrong decision. You may always look back and ask yourself "What if" I'm sorry that's just the way life is. Go with your heart; however, our heart tends to lead us first one way and then another.
If you don't want to hurt your boyfriend of 5 years, maybe there are stronger feelings than you want to admit to yourself.
But, if he does not fulfill you intellectually that may become a bigger problem later in life and you end up hurting him even more.
Go slow and good luck.

Answer 6

People get married because of love, I know. But love is not enough. You have to be able to see some kind of future with your partner. Have you talked to your boyfriend about what he plans to do with his life?Maybe he's too comfortable with the kind of life he has with you that he doesn't want to exert any effort to make things better. But of course I'm not saying you should choose the other guy. Get to know him first, but never ever be unfaithful to your current boyfriend. You would want to have a more solid relationship with whoever you'll end up with. If you start a relationship with someone by being unfaithful to another, then you're off to a bad start.

Answer 7

Well... the simple fact that you are thinking about another man means that you are not happy with the one you have now.

However... be careful... just because the other guy has a better job... does not mean he is a better person. For all you know... he might turn out to be worse than your present boyfriend.

What to do?
Well... lets start with what not to do...
Don't cheat on your boyfriend... or you will loose both of them. Nobody is going to marry someone who cheat.

Next... you have to choose... and we cannot do that for you.
Break up with your boyfriend... or stop seeing the new guy.

Answer 8

hmm Whichever one that you love more you should choose.. This is just my opinion but, I would choose the one that KNOWS what hes gonna do with his live. Because you might have a better future with him. But still try very hard to be friends with the other man. Because they both love you very much! Best of luck :)
Email me if more questions come: [e-mail] or just im me.

Answer 9

sort out your current relationship first. is there something wrong with it? if so talk to your boyfriend. see if you really want to be in your relationship without considering the new one.

if you want to leave the relationship then do it but don't leave purely because you want to be with someone else, if you feel like you've made a mistake later you'll end up resenting your new man.

you could always be single for a bit and date who you like x

Answer 10

If you feel you would be able to remain friends with your current boyfriend if you got together with the other man then go for it. If you don't feel that then it's best to stay with the current one and just be friend with the other guy. Best of luck xx