I hate her!?

Question

My Grandmaw! We used to have such a bond but now she is a ******* $lutty asshole! I hate her with all my heart now! She does everything to piss me off. We used to do everything togather but now she just always thinks about my little 4 year old twin girl cousins and there mom (her daughter)
I don't have a mum, but I swear that woman is going to hell!
What can I do to improve our relasinship?

OK, see I love her in a family way. ANd she's always been there for me. But she just wants to exclude me from everything and scream at me for no reason.

Answer 1

It seems that you are jealous. I can understand that. A lot of siblings have to deal with that kind of thing. In my family the babies get all the attention, too. They are a lot of work and they do such cute things. But then the older ones get ignored.

My mother and older sister went crazy over my little ones, also. But my babies grew up and my brothers had their babies. Then guess who got the attention. My younger sister also felt the same regarding her older babies and our younger brother's new babies. Yes, we both resented it but stayed calm and intact. My husband even resented it. So, you aren't alone. It happens to a lot of us. It might comfort you to realize that this younger group of children will grow up also.

Your grandmother may not even realize what she is doing to you. Talk to her about it. She loves you still. Perhaps, you could help her out with some small tasks. That would allow her more time with you. The younger ones really are a lot of work and can exhaust a person's energy level (especially an older person). I am sure that your grandma is tired. Help her out.

Consequently, my mother-in-law did the same regarding her grandchildren. I hope that I don't do that to my grandkids. I always try not to, because I know how it feels.

Answer 2

First of all, how old are you? You seem old enough to ask a question without being foul mouthed and I think you are letting your feelings of abandonment get in the way of your reasoning.

Take it one step at a time. You say the twins are 4-years-old. When did grandma begin to ignore you and fawn over them? Did you by any chance make a nasty remark to her about them? That would probably get her upset. After all she loves all of you, but you may have forced her to choose and since they are younger and less able to fend for themselves she went that way.

Try to calm down and stay calm when you are with her. Because you don't have a mum, it is better to try to mend fences and have her there when you need a woman's advice. If she says something you don't like, such as "your clothes look like a tart's" , don't go ballistic. Ask her calmly if she can explain what she objects to because you value her insight. If she says they are too low cut, too tight, whatever, step back and take a look in the mirror. It may be that she's right and with just a small change, you can both begin to feel better about you and your relationship.

Also, ask if you can go on an outing with her and the girls. You may find that they can be fun. Young children have such a unique way of seeing things. Sadly, we often loose that as we grow up. Get down to their level, play with them and enter into their mindset and I'll bet grandma will see you in a whole new light. As someone who loves her and those she loves.

Ask your aunt, their mom, if she's noticed a change in grandma's attitude toward you and why she thinks that happened.

I know this sounds odd, but are you missing the TIME she spent with you - or perhaps the gifts or money she may have lavished on you? I'm a grandma and I know how that goes! If it's the time, then try inviting her to a school function or out to lunch with you, or maybe go with her to something she enjoys. If it's the money, don't bring it up because you'll only get grief. And if that's the real answer, then maybe you're not as grown up as I thought.

Answer 3

Sometimes when we try to find balance we flop over to one extreme and then flop way over to the other. Eventually the flopping back and forth leaves us swinging comfortable in the middle zone.
While she's been around long enough to have developed a balanced way of interacting with her wonderful grandkids, it seems grandmaw's got some more, uh, growing up to do. Try see this perspective, even tho' you have pain in your heart because of her showing you her, let's call it, less loving side.
I bet she's not aware of just how deeply this hurts you. I bet she's so focused on your cousin she doesn't notice that she's neglected the attention you need. I bet she isn't doing it deliberately, but is sort of distracted by this little one. Grandmaw may feel she can only direct her emotions to one person at a time. Not that it's the healthy way to behave, but maybe that's the only way she can behave. It's really hard to excuse that behavior, but it does happen that way, in many families.
Here are some things you can think of doing, try what feels most natural to you, or make up new ideas from these:

Make time for you and grandmaw to be alone together (or telephone). Talk to her like your best friend, be to the point ("grandmaw, I feel left out and it's like my heart is breaking, I love you so much")

Are you welcome to be closer to the cousin or your auntie? You don't have to fake it if you don't like them, but if they knew you want to start fresh and make a relationship, would they accept you? Try it - show you want to be a closer family member than in the past. The future is unwritten, waiting for your script.

Did you share your heartache with dad? Is he of any help? Would he have a little chat with grandmaw?

Keep up your part of the communication with granny by writing, sending her a drawing or sketch (doodle something), call her just to say "I love you".

I wish you all success in this matter. Don't give up hope, please try not to let the bitterness (understandably) get in the way of using love for your healing. Try. Just try.

Answer 4

I am sorry.But hate is a Strong word what if she reads this how would you feel I think you may just need time to think about what is really the problem could it be you are just getting older and are emotional right know? You can e-mail me if you would like to I always have time to type.

Answer 5

well..that's one thing you gotta accept about old people..they always tend to become irritating..you should always keep patient because that is what old people are really like. Just try to remember how they have loved you and cared for you before and even now..they still care for you!! You are just overpowered by your jealousy...perhaps your grandmother is just thrilled to see new baby everybdy does..i bet when you were a baby you were also the apple of her eye..=)

Answer 6

There is nothing to hate her. Your understanding that she is more close to the twin cousins and their mother is an apprehension just because she may have scolded you. I think she still loves you. You need to change your attitude towards her and everything will work fine. Try it.

Answer 7

This is what happens when jealousy comes along. u are obviously jealous of ur cousin and her mom and u want ur grandma to love u more than them since u insist that u have a stronger bond. so try talking to ur grandma tell her tha she is all u have since u rmom is gone! im sure ure grandma loves u too so u dont hate her u just think u do because of the jealousy.! good lcuk!

Answer 8

Awe. I somewhat know how u feel my grandma and I are close but when my aunt had babies since my aunts the oldest my grandma gives in to her kids. I have a mom but ya. Anyways now my grandma and I are close again.

Answer 9

well calm down.... no need to get upset...

try to think why she is thinking or acting like this?

she was ideal as far as i can make out... but then what happened? u grew up? she grew up? whatever...

well u grew up a little and she has grownup a lot.

just because she is interfering your personal life now (which u think trbl now, but u forgot all thoes years when she supported you), may be cause of your own good (which ur mom failed),

she wants to protect u thats all..! Comon what she have to get from you in life practically? Is she expecting you to something for her?

get back to me after u have given a good thinking to all that i said.

happy new year..!!

welcome to hell.!!

Answer 10

tell her why are u being mean to me i don't do anything, i would tell other family members too