I need help i don't feel good at all about myself and its putting a strain on my relationship with my boyfriend causing arguments
and I dont know what to do as i have depression also and hate my body and everything about myself but at the same time i want to keep my boyfriend and the last thing i want is to lose him,Please Help!!!
2006-12-30 03:59:11 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
This may sound cliched but I believe it works.
The only way to make anyone love you is to love yourself first. The way you're feeling right now your mind is probably very cluttered and disorganised apart from anything else. You need a plan.
You'll not be able to change everything you feel about yourself in one day. You need to break it all down.
Get a blank page and write down all the things you like about yourself on one side of the page the main things you're not happy about on the other.
You should work equally hard on both sides of the page. Don't be tempted to write one big long list of the things you don't like as you;re depressed. Make concrted effort to list as many positive things as possivble as long as you mean them.
Then...
Pick the most significant things you don't like about yourself... body, etc and make a plan as to how you're going to change or improve on these things. If you and your boyfriend mean enough to you you'll stick to your plan.
Keep the plan simple. If you want to improve your body there are some obvious things you can do.
The gym (although I believe this is not the best answer for most people - it does work though)
Join a class - salsa for example (the music and movement and sharing the space with like minded people will realse endorphins and you will feel good in those moments)
Get yourself a project. I've decided I'm going to try and find a new place to visit every week with my girlfriend. This could be a new restaurant or pub or new town or park or mountain or whatever. It just has to be something new so that new memories are created.
Keep a record each day of only the things you like about yourself. Nothing negative - seriously. This might seem lame but if you concentrate on the crap stuff that's what you'll feel like. Crap. If you concentrate on the good stuff - you know where I'm going.
You also need to spend time on the things you already like about yourself. HIghlight these. Keep them to the fore. the main thing is to keep your life as simple as possible. Get rid of the junk, stick to a plan and concentrate on the positive.
Talking of dejunking that;s another good way to lighten your spirits. Get rid of as much unwanted stuff from your life as you can including clothes, stuff lying around your house, paperwork and even negative people from your life. A new year is a great way to get a new start on life. It's my favourite time of the year!
Hope this helps a little - feel good.
2006-12-30 04:18:53 · answer #1 · answered by mondaylover 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The fact that you are aware of your problem and are seeking help is a positive indication. Why don't you take time out and a piece of paper to list all the things you hate about yourself. Like you mentioned your body. Then take up each point and see if you are blowing things out of proportion. For example, you may not have the anorexic body of the ramp models, but then you may just have a fugure of a very normal person. Media hype may be getting to you about how you should look. But of you think that there is something genuinely wrong about your body, why don't you simply take action. For example, if you are overweight, look to feasible ways of reducing -- a sensible diet, exercise... You boyfriend could help you perhaps if you share your anxiety with him, not take it out on him. After two weeks perhaps you can go through your list again and see if you have managed to overcome some of the things you dislike about yourself. In all likelihood, you really may not have so much to dislike. Perhaps you can list the positive things about yourself and work on those points to get even better. The last thing your boyfriend would want is to lose you!!!
2006-12-30 04:07:25 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Go see a Dr. and get on an anti-dpespressent. Then go look in the mirror. You can control what you see there. Only you can do something about it. With age I have learned that it isn't what I see on the outside that gives me my self esteem. It is how I treat people, the fact that I don't lie, the amount of good that I do for my fellow humans, and family......
Beauty, money, job.... These don't define a person.
Who you are and what you do for the people you love do define you as a person. Concentrate on that, and your self esteem will come back.
BUT, if you are chemically depressed, only a pill can fix that. So definately see a Dr.
2006-12-30 04:06:05 · answer #3 · answered by Xxar 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have my sympathy believe me. I am currently in the same situation and I think my boyfriend has the patience of a saint at the moment!
If he truly loves you he will be able to support you through this. I hope that you are getting help for your depression I have a great counsellor who helps me enormously. Don't be too hard on yourself I am overweight as I comfort eat but I recognise once my depression lifts this will also stop.
Try to take as much exercise as you can even if its just walking it can help a lot.
Try to start giving yourself small targets to reach and praise yourself when you reach them.
Good luck and remember you are not alone in this people can help you.
2006-12-30 04:29:34 · answer #4 · answered by profile not in use 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry you are feeling scared at the moment.
Have you considered some professional help? Counselling perhaps?
I used to feel very much like you and at times found it hard to get through each day. Here are some things that helped me.
I would give myself a little treat every day. Buy myself a bunch of flowers, eat or drink something special, get my hair done or have a manicure, buy something nice to wear etc. etc. etc.
I would set myself little goals. Meet up with a friend for coffee, go to a dance class, etc. etc. etc.
I made a list of all of my positive points and positive aspects in my life and remind myself of them regularly I have a nice nose, I am gentle, I have a family that loves me (This list was tiny to begin with but got longer and longer with time)
This sounds mad but it works ..... I would sit in front of a mirror
and say positive things to myself ..... I am confident and happy ..... I am beautiful ..... I am fit and well ..... Positive Affirmations ..... They have to be said in the present tense ..... not I am going to be confident but I am confident (Even if you don't actually feel it your brain starts to believe it)
I hope the above helps you as it helped me.
Good Luck
Sparky x
2006-12-30 05:05:05 · answer #5 · answered by bigcitygirl_uk 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I felt the same way sometme ago but i tried to elevate myself by doing tings that i really loved and treating myself well like shoppping, going to the salon , and making my self look as good as possible. I also read sOme inspirational books where i learnt that life is what you make it, there will never be another you. Take each day as it comes and enjoy it because it may be your last.
2006-12-30 04:29:52 · answer #6 · answered by sheila ejiwm 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If it's that bad, you might need to go to counseling and talk with a professional. They might prescribe some meds for a period, and try to help you build your self-esteem by helping you see that there is a world out there full of fun and cool things to do and see, as well as cool and fun people to meet. Working out and eating properly help to build self-esteem, so if you want some self-help, start there.
2006-12-30 04:02:52 · answer #7 · answered by FearDragons 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
the only person who can get you out of it is you.
i have been there and done it. what snapped me out of it is when i went to the doctors coz i had been feeling ill and she perscribed me "happy pills" it wasnt what i went in for.
sounds a bit harsh but maybe its your boyfriend thats making you hate your body?
does he ask or tell you not to wear certain things or does he compare you to other women he sees like celebs?
if he does then it could be his falut.
my ex used to do this to me and at the time i didnt realise it. he made me feel so bad that i thought it was my falut.
seriously i know it hurts as ive been there but think about this coz if he is putting pressure on you like that you could be happier without him.
2006-12-30 04:08:47 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
keep self respect. think about the good things uve done for others, appreciate his ideas. tell him all that your problem is and ask him for help with innocent eyes. most importantly, make him bilieve that your problem is making you go crazy, only his presence can sattisfy you, and help him in your ideas too.
we boys are like that, no matter how a girl is, owr hearts melt on seeing beauty and help lingering at the same place.
Shubho,
India.
2006-12-30 04:05:46 · answer #9 · answered by Subho 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
may be he is not your type.
but any way, there are one important thing that you have to do.
get the book "YOUNG PEOPLE ASK" from JEHOVAHs' WITNESS, read it careful. i assure you that you will definitely get to what you want to do and what you should do.
beside, read the bible, don't keep on looking yourself in the mirror
becoz it is the source of hatting your self; and never keep on letting the boy control your life more than can you manage.
remember that he wont help you when you down.
keep in mind that you are you not him.
2006-12-30 04:26:21 · answer #10 · answered by DIDIER S 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋