I have been with a man for almost 2 years.He has tried to get me to date him for 3. So we've had a 5 year history. Recently he asked me to marry him, I said yes. But lately, I have had this feeling in my gut that he is doing something behind my back. I have caught him saying things on the internet to girls. He had an online girlfriend from Russia that I discovered. And he sometimes looks at other girls when he thinks I am not watching him. So is my gut feeling just making me feel paranoid, or is it my instinct trying to warn me? So many people have told me that they wouldn't be surprised if he did cheat on me. What do I do? He has lied to me in the past, and he has sneaked. Do I stay or do I go? Please help me, I love him with all I have but I don't want to get hurt.
2006-12-30 03:56:04 · 23 answers · asked by BamaBelle 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Trust your gut!
2006-12-30 03:58:01 · answer #1 · answered by Yahoo Con 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, what a tough question. Usually, your gut feeling is going to be the correct thing to follow, especially if you have some past evidence to back up what you are feeling. Marriage is a LIFELONG commitment. I know that divorce is an option that many people choose later, but that is really not ideal. Think about all of the stuff that goes along with divorce - the heated arguments, the splitting of property, pressure from family/friends to work through it all, etc. And if you have kids by that time it really makes it tough, too. I would not just "jump in" to a marriage, especially if you are not feeling too sure about it. If he is someone that you really love and could see spending your entire life with, then wait it out. If you haven't set a date yet, just keep living life as his fiancee. That way you can test his love to see if it is true. It will also give you more time to think about what you really want to do and assure yourself that you are making the right decision.
Another option is to confront him about your suspicions. This is a riskier choice because it will be a crossroads in the relationship and he will know that you don't fully trust him, which might actually be a good thing. But on the other hand it could be a disaster. If you do confront him, tell him your feelings about him, and that you want to marry him, but that you are worried because of his past behavior and you want him to be 100% certain that he will remain loyal to you for the rest of your life together.
In the end, the choice is yours as to how you go about this. I wouldn't get married, though, if you have any doubts at all. Like I said, marriage is a LIFELONG commitment. Just think about it for a while and try to make the best choice for you personally. I wish you the best of luck in your future!
2006-12-30 12:05:19 · answer #2 · answered by chad5871 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust your gut. Marriage is not easy, and it doesn't look like you would even get a good start! Why on earth would you want to marry someone who you know does these things? Why live your life like that? You need trust in a relationship or it won't work. Again, so many people think that marriage is going to be easy. It's not! It takes a lot of hard work, patience, and trust. Of course there's the love too! lol. By the way, marriage is a commitment. It appears that this guy just isn't ready for that.
2006-12-30 12:02:40 · answer #3 · answered by ddcalny 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Our gut instincts are there to protect us. The only time we can make a mistake with them is when we choose to ignore them. Loving someone doesn't guarantee you will be respected and loved in the true sense of the word. This guy is a no win situation and you don't want to deal with this for the rest of your life. This is a blessing to question this now before you get married and before you have children. Walk away from him and never look back, that is the only correct answer in this situation.
2006-12-30 12:02:32 · answer #4 · answered by Bella 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say listen to your gut instinct. It is there for a reason and if you have bad feelings inside you should definitely wait to get married. He has done some things in the past as you said, so I would take it slow, watch his actions and be sure before you say I do.
2006-12-30 12:05:04 · answer #5 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I always go with my gut reaction. You need to get out of this engagement. You have warning bells going off left and right. Why would you marry someone you couldn't trust? Believe me, I've been married 22 years, if you don't have trust you are going to have a miserable marriage.
2006-12-30 12:02:30 · answer #6 · answered by Texas Pineknot 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your gut hardly ever lies. You said you have caught him right. that there is a sign to me. You said he had an online girlfriend while you two were together right. you said you have caught him looking at other women when you were with him right. that to me is strike three. Your instinct is warning you of something. You need to take it slow. If he doesnt change your instincts were right.
2006-12-30 12:49:56 · answer #7 · answered by young grown man 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should trust your instincts, if you know he had another girlfriend, for sure, that should be enough ammunition, for you, to leave. You know that you're worth more than a cheat. Before you make any decisions, talk to him, tell him how he's making you feel. He needs to understand that a person shouldn't feel insecure in a relationship.. you need to feel that you can trust him 100%, like he does you..
2006-12-30 12:06:27 · answer #8 · answered by Steph C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your eyes will lie to you, your ears will make you hear things that are not true. Your heart will make you feel things that you shouldnt.......in the end your instincts are always correct.
Trust me when I say, trust your gut feeling. I didnt, and I ended up gettng so much heartache and pain. Us women are gifted with intuition, and its our responsibility to learn how to use it.
2006-12-30 12:02:45 · answer #9 · answered by confusedbrowngirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, trust that gut instict it is almost never wrong. Get out before it is too late. He sounds like a sneaky dog. He is a loser.
2006-12-30 12:00:57 · answer #10 · answered by southern_bellechick 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust your gut. Don't wait until you have children and then they have to go through a messy divorce. Thats never fun for you or the children.
2006-12-30 12:00:41 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋