Am I being unreasonable??

Question

I have several step kids... One flew in on Christmas day and ended up messing Christmas up completly... I worked all day and we were supposed to open presents hen I got home. Instead my husband drvoe to another city to pick up his son. There went Christmas...

Now.. his daughter flew into town.. with the *supposed* money bags boyfriend of the month and she is asking her father to rent her a veh on his credit card so it will be cheaper ?(they are under 25 and rental cars charge a surcharge) I am against it for several reasons.. 1.) She is an adult and needs to learn to be responsible for herself...2.) Its new years weekend... not exactly safe on the roads to be out at all hours... 3.) The rental car is now our financial responsibility should she get in an accident. 4.) Her brother is an alcoholic and will likely try to drive it.

I am against it.. and its causing a problem with my husband.. am I being unreasonable?

Input greatly appreciated

Leaz... I have hun.. that's why I am looking for outside input :)

Answer 1

Nope...not unreasonable. Its really hard being a step parent...the kids aren't yours and they are a constant reminder of his ex-wife. The thing is, I found the more things you react to, the worse they will act. So how much do you love your husband? And how much does he love you? You should sit down and have a serious but CALM talk with him about the situation and ask that he listen to your concerns fully before commenting. Then maybe the two of you could come up with an alternate solution...for instance, maybe you could offer to give them the difference in the rate your husband would get in cash to pay for the rental car. Granted, you'll be out that money, but your name won't be on the rental car and you'll have no responsibility for it. Then later when his daughter is there without her boyfriend (maybe at a different visit altogether) you could sit her down and talk with her about putting you on the spot like that. Then, if this type of thing is an ongoing issue, you and your husband might try going to counseling. More than likely the counselor will advise that your husband refrain from doing anything for his adult children that could potentially be financially harmful for the both of you. But you can expect to probably get advice about yourself as well...so be ready for it.

Answer 2

You most certainly are not be unreasonable. These stepchildren need to learn responsibility and if it cost them a couple of extra bucks to rent the vehicle so be it. If you and he want to kick in a couple of bucks to help them with the rental fine but do not put your credit on the line for them. Talk with your husband and tell him of your concerns and hopefully you can resolve this mess which you have found yourself in.

Answer 3

Well, have you discussed all of your points with your husband ? If so and he don't see things your way...Just let it go...your marriage is way more important that those material thinsg like the rental car...If it gets wrecked maybe that's how his eyes will be open to the situation. Just imagine yourself in his shoes....How much would you do for your own children at that very same age...?

Answer 4

Unreasonable? No. Maybe you need to sit down and discuss with your husband, tell him what you showed us. If he refuses to listen, why is this? If he is being defensive, try to ask him in a different way.

Don't say "We need to talk" This is guaranteed to make him not want to listen. Just say you want to share how you feel. then tell him. Ask him for HIS advice AFTER you have shared your feelings. However, this does not always workl with men.

Me... what I think... do NOT permit the rental of the car to go ahead. No.

Answer 5

You knew him before you married him, you knew he had kids, you had to know how they treated one another beforehand, you had to have a clue as to how he and his kids interacted, you knew all this before you married him, so why are you expecting it to change? You can't just expect him to change his ways because now he's married to you, he was their father long before he was your husband and you aren't going to break any cycles that have been formed over years. He probably feels guilty, and acts in ways that aren't great parenting, but make him feel less guilty, and the kids know it and take advantage of it. I do not think you are being unreasonable, however you are going to have to work on this with him and try to come to a middle ground, but to expect him to completely change is unfair of you.

Answer 6

Your husband is enabling his children to behave badly and not take responsibility for their actions. They are not going to behave like adults as long as he is there for them to use. You need to see a marriage counselor to work these problems out. Step children are often the reason why marriages fail.

Answer 7

You married a guy with baggage. Now you're stuck in the middle. He's not going take your side over his kids', even tho you are right, which is typical. Now all you have left to do is grin and bare it. You married it.

Answer 8

I don't think you are unreasonable, sounds like your hubby is trying to be favorable in the eyes of his children and they need to get a life. sounds like you married into some real baggage. you either work together or apart, life is too short to take chances for overgrown children.

Answer 9

no u r not. u have the right to protest, it is ur life now u have to protect ur assets. u r absolutely right, just like u said she is old enough to take care her business. talk to ur hubby make him understand and explain to him y u against it. and u can also list the points above. good luck

Answer 10

well to be honest you are but then again you'e not. Becuse I can see where you are comming from...just talk to your husband aandd be like ok I understand you're always going to put your children first and i wouldn't have it any other way, but you have to let me have an opinion and sometimes listen to me, but who knows.