My husband and I have agreed to never have children. Has anybody else made this decision? Have you also experienced hostility from people? What types of reactions to you get? What do your parents, friends, co-workers, etc. say? Have you had to hide your decision to keep the peace?
2006-12-30 02:58:15 · 9 answers · asked by heathen 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Hi, sweetie.
I never wanted children; heck, I never even had any interest in baby dolls.
As a young woman, I was constantly asked when I was going to start a family. I eventually discovered the best way to deflect this kind of questioning was to smile and say, "Well, who knows!" (while thinking something much less sociable).
As I came into my 30s and 40s, people gradually stopped asking (thank God).
In my 50s, I noticed something odd: parents confiding to me in private that they wish they had never had children, either.
I'm so thankful that I never yielded to outside pressure to have kids; I'm just not suited to it, and never have been. You may be like me, and have no interest or need for children; expect that people will see you as damned peculiar, but wait until you are older and see how many of your friends whisper that they are a bit sorry that they had done it!
You may be a statistical anomaly, but there's nothing wrong with you.
2006-12-30 04:21:40 · answer #1 · answered by silvercomet 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you and your husband are both in agreement then you should definitely not have children. There are lots of people who make that choice. As far as everyone Else's feelings of hostility about it then it is non of their business and you have a right to tell them so. It is better to put up with a little flack than to bring an unwanted child into the world to just "keep the peace". It would be a terrible injustice to you, your husband and most of all the child. I would advise you to not do anything permanent though because lots of people change their minds when they are older and I would hate for you to have regrets. I love my children and would have a dozen more if I could but would never judge someone who chose not to have them. You do have a choice and how you live your live is between you and your husband not your friends, family and co-workers because they are not the ones who would be raising the child.
2006-12-30 11:08:42 · answer #2 · answered by icunurse85 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't want to have kids, but unfortunately, my husband does (I told him this before we got married, but I think he felt he could change my mind). There is not only pressure from him, but his family is really overbearing and puts pressure on both of us to do it. To be honest, I don't think it's anyone else's business if we want children or not, I feel a little resentment even at work when people casually ask 'when' we are going to start having kids, as if its just a given. In today's society, I don't think it's uncommon at all for couples to choose not to have children. Let's face it, there are SOOOO many kids in this world already. I don't think any of us is so great that we absolutely HAVE TO reproduce.
As far as hiding this decision, I don't believe I hide it, but I definitely don't like being asked if or when I am going to bear children. Again, I feel that is a very private decision between two people who are married. Not to mention a very personal decision for a woman who has to carry, birth and be the primary caregiver for the child.
2006-12-30 12:01:04 · answer #3 · answered by onlyupfrmhere 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Although I do not feel the same as you, you do have the right to not want children. And, the fact that you and your hubbie agree on this is wonderful. There's nothing wrong with that. And, anyone who tries to tell you any different is wrong.
It's a personal decision you two have made and people should respect your wishes.
Good luck and health in the New Year to you and your husband.
2006-12-30 11:07:32 · answer #4 · answered by Sarasvah 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are many people who do not want children ,Jay Leno's wife didn't want children and he agreed. They've had a long marriage.
I have a girlfriend that doesn't want children. she's in her thirty's now.
I think it is your choice and your choice alone. You don't have to explain or feel ashamed of your choice. Hold your head high.
Some of Society will condemn you, others will applaud you. It is entirely your choice,
I believe if you truly do not want children it would be a grave injustice to a child to bring one into this world.
One has to be ready to commit a lifetime to a child. I have three grown kids and lots of grandkids to boot. I am thrilled and happy with my family though I must admit sometimes I could have chocked them to death. (grin) Best thing We've ever done in our life time Children.
I am not going to say "maybe you'll change" your mind . This is entirely your choice.
I do know elderly people that are all alone in this world and wish they had children. It can be a pretty lonely world.
Make sure it is what you and you alone want. Never do it to please a spouse or significant other. Be true to your heart!!!!!!!1
2006-12-30 11:18:13 · answer #5 · answered by lucyshines49 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well if you don't want them there isn't anything wrong with you. Who cares what other people think you are your own person and that's why god made us differently. Not all people have to have kids that's why there are other people out there that have 12 kids at a time lol I know 3 family's like that. Well you never know one day you might change your mind but as of now who cares what others think .
2006-12-30 11:23:42 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't want to have kids either! I was an abused child, and I know what the statistics are on abused kids abusing their offspring. Plus I'm a teacher, so I know just how hard good parenting is (and just how badly most people suck at parenting - I work with kids with behavioral problems and if it wasn't for bad parenting, I wouldn't have a job)!
So I don't want to have kids because I know just how easy it is to screw it up!
But, I can't tell people that - ESPECIALLY women who I'm interested in dating. Most women my age (I'm 38) have kids already, and they look at you like you're gay if you say you're a 38 year old man who doesn't have kids - so I can only imagine how bad it would be if I told them I don't WANT any kids either!
Most women who don't have kids are obsessed with the idea of having babies - even though a lot of those women are so non nurturing that I wouldn't trust them with my cat over a long weekend! (again, proof of my theory that most folks suck at parenting)
So my desire to not have kids is a secret.
At least your lucky enough to have a husband who shares your desire to remain childfree. Imagine how horrible it is to be single and not want to have kids (I don't have to imagine it, it's my life)
2006-12-30 11:29:43 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Actually I've always wanted children, but I've also always been the one to hang with the babies at a party so no surprise there. I think that if you dont want kids then dont have them, not really any one else's business.
2006-12-30 11:03:06 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
NO
2006-12-30 11:52:27 · answer #9 · answered by willastlong 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋