He is sleeping with his girlfriend, drinking and considering taking drugs. His school report was appalling. I would like him to leave but at over 6 foot I am physically frightened of him and my husband is avoiding the situation. I've just written a contract for better behaviour which he agreed to at first but is now breaking.
2006-12-30 02:48:59 · 35 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
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2006-12-30 02:50:39 · answer #1 · answered by Sir J 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I don't have the specific answer, but I was a single parent, a pretty good teen son, but their physical stature over us is an issue. So I did some legal checking things out and our juvenile resource person locally was a friend of mine. She said to find out the legalities. For example, as long as he is under 18, you are "the boss". You can be "the boss" or if you can't handle him, you make him a ward of the state (huge deal). What I'm trying to say is he needs to know in the long run, legally, you are the boss. I told my son if he runs away, and is put in jail, he will stay there. If he makes certain big choices that are against my rules, he will have to live elsewhere OF MY CHOOSING, as I am his parent. This sounds awful, and I think counseling etc.would be better, but you do need to know how you stand legally. If he gets into a car accident and is on your insurance, you can lose everything. That kind of thing. I did "kick my son out" and he had to go live with his father. He knew ahead of time, Here is the rule, if you choose (it is their choices, but they will also reap the consequences just as we adults do in life). to continue this inappropriate behavior, son, you will have to move in with your dad, lose you soccer team status (big to him), change high schools etc. etc. This is kind of the bottom line. There is much more you can do first, but this is the bottom line.
2006-12-31 03:31:07 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should take your son to a counsellot or a psychiatrist. You should make your son understand that whatever he is doing is detrimental to him. This is not the age to drink and take drugs! First, you and your husband try to advise him by talking patiently to him. Tell him what drugs will do him and how they will be harmful. Tell him that you work hard and earn money for his career and future and he should not waste that hard earned money by consuming drugs. Tell him to concentrate on his studies as only studies can help a person to become really successful. If he dosen't listen, then take him to a psychiatrist. Even after that if he dosen't listen, then either he should be left to learn the hard way, or he should be sent to some very strict boarding school where drinking, taking drugs and sleeping with girls are a big no-no.
2006-12-30 03:01:27 · answer #3 · answered by AAK 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he signed his name to the contract....
Sue him.
Take him to small claims court and get a judgement against him....maybe we'll see ya'll on Judge Judy!
If you made contract, then there had to have been stipulations for what happens when he broke the contract right? He's the kid, you are the adult. Change the locks on the doors, get a restraining order, or next time he's at school have "Good Will" come by and pick up all his toys. Be the parent, be the one in charge for once in your life. A child who has had a parent or authority figure all their lives does not behave like this, only kids who have children or equals running their household have the rights and abilities to do as the please.
2006-12-31 02:10:30 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
At what age was you son when he began this negative behavior...
When did you, and your husband, stop being parents.....
You, and your husband, need to be strict with the boy and not back down from him. You are both the parents and need to act the part. The boy needs discipline not a contract. Give him so many chores to do that he only has time to go to school, do home work and sleep. Give him some responsibilities. It seems you've both been extremely lax on giving the boy any discipline at all.
2006-12-30 05:00:32 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Overwhelm him with the fact he will be responsible. 1) Get the police involved - if he is drinking, that is against the law, if he is doing drugs, that is against the law, if he is really doing what you think he is doing with his girlfriend, that is also against the law. 2) Next, consult with your county government agency, such as Child Protective Services ( they will only have suggestions ), and 3) he wants to act like an adult so treat him like one, introduce him to the full ramifications of his actions. Go through his stuff and get rid of all the crap ( drugs, alcohol, etc), weird clothes. If he is not going to go to school as required by law, he is again breaking it and is to be held accountable. Unfortunately, when schools send the bad kids to the "bad kid" school they usually meet more bad kids and then get in more trouble. The father is avoiding his responsibility too? What good is he then? Maybe you should take a vacation from both of them and let them work out their own issues. You are not required to your husband. If he is going to let you do all the work, maybe you should teach him some responsibility as well, "bye honey, Junior is your problem, I'm going to Hawaii until the two of you grow up and act responsibly rather than like two 13 years old who think my life and this house are your personal playgrounds".
2006-12-30 03:06:05 · answer #6 · answered by commonsense 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take off the doors to his bedroom. And have his dad be a dad, instead of being a friend. Address this quickly! It is a phase teenagers go through, but they need Your Help and Guidance. If they continue, it will only get worse. Just show him that you still Love him and you're only looking out for his safety. Also, talk with a probation officer or judge with him because that is who he is about to meet on a formal basis. They may be able to give all three of you some good advice you can all live with before it's too late! Good luck!
2006-12-30 03:04:35 · answer #7 · answered by deciccio3 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
These are the worst years for rebellion!! I had a tough time with my son, and eventually had to give him an ultimatium! Told him if he didn't abide by my rules, he was going to have to move out! He agreed and then slipped!! So when he tried to come in that evening, I had locked all the doors and refused to let him in! It was really hard, as being a mother you worry about their welfare. I persevered ... and two days later he came around to 'talk'!! He knew then that I meant what I said ... he has a choice and that choice is entirely up to him. This is going to a rough patch, but with constant threats of throwing him out ... he finally settled down and peace was restored. Don't let his height worry you ... my son is 6'2 and he towers over me.... don't show him you are intimidated!! Good luck and just stand true to your morals!!
2006-12-30 20:59:27 · answer #8 · answered by lynne 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
um mm,OK..well, i think he is just seeking attention from you, but if the behavior persists you got to do something...start by being pretty soft like offer him a ride to the school and than tell him you gotta talk to him...approach the situation in a way so that it only shows how concerned you are about his ruthless behavior and tell him you would do anything to make the situation alright...obviously the 15 year old has some issues too, maybe he doesn't has anybody to talk to either...maybe he feels frustrated and angry all the time....so in my opinion, you should try to reach out other than kicking him out of the house. Give him some love...don't be scared of him....Good luck
2006-12-30 02:59:18 · answer #9 · answered by Ariel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't be left to deal with it alone. Talk to your husband and TELL (not ask) him that he HAS to help you do something about the situation. You cannot be physically intimidated by your son in your own home. That is an unacceptable situation which needs to be dealt with. Your son just needs a bit of guidance, he's going therough the usual teenage rebellion stuff but needs to be shown where the boundaries are. Your husband is just as much a part of the problem as your son is.
2006-12-30 02:53:39 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 7⤊ 0⤋
first of all why would you be scared of your own son. did you raise him in a jungle. did he have any rules growing up to this point or now that he is miss behaving, you now have rules. and what kind of father just turns his head on the situation. my suggestion is to never give up on him no matter what. my mom did this for me when i was young and i thank her now. i did all of the those things and have turned out ok. put your foot down and dont let him out of the house. if he leaves call the cops. you are still responsible for him and if you need a little help from law enforcement to maybe scare him, do it. they will be happy to help. good luck!
2006-12-31 09:58:21 · answer #11 · answered by blondie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋