What to do w/in-laws when baby arrives?

Question

My sister is in her third trimester with a baby boy due in April. This is the first grandchild for both sets of grandparents-to-be and they are all excited. My sister wants HER parents to be there when the baby is brought home to help out the 1st few weeks etc. The in-laws are insisting on being there as well.

The problem is, the in-laws are such a handful when they visit. They leave their stuff everywhere and do nothing but sit around and eat. Lots of meddling occurs as well...

My sister is real good about being polite and patient with them, but this time with a new baby and all she wants to put her foot down. Anyone out there know a good way she can still have the in-laws around to see their new grandchild without going crazy? We were thinking something along the lines of encouraging them to stay elsewhere, come later or stay for a very short amount of time. Anyone have any thoughts on the best option and know a good way to casually suggest/encourage this option?

Answer 1

she needs to just be honest....she doesn't need to be entertaining people when she comes home...it is normal and natural for her to want her own parents with her for support and help but the inlaws too is too much....she should just tell them that they are welcome to come and see the baby but that she already has a houseful and she wants time to bond with her baby and doesn't want alot of company......they should respect her wishes and not be upset....good luck

Answer 2

Hello,
I suggest that your sister and her husband do this together and let the in-laws know that though this is the first grandchild when they come home the wife will need some much deserved rest. The baby will start to get adjusted to their surroundings and hence they will not be allowing people to spend the night for the first month!
However they can come over and visit but the visits will and must be short. It is wearing to the mother and the baby and therefore that is why they can come but not stay to long for now 1 hour tops( or how many your sister and husband feels they can tolorate).
Later when mommy and baby have gotten ajusted to late night feedings and what not you all may come over and spend time with us and enjoy the bundle of joy.
We personally had to do this and that is why I am suggesting this to your sister and her husband. It's very tough but you see everyone is so excited until they aren't thinking about mommy and baby they are just thinking about oh I've got to get over there this and that. Once they sit down (NOW) and tell the family this, they will understand. Also if your sister and husband wants to they can announce that her mother will be staying with her during this time of the first week. This is to help with cooking, and helping her get clothes out etc... If they seem to not understand that I suggest that your sister and husband let the others know that his wife perfers her own mother to help with possible personal hygeine while the husband has the baby. Sometimes when you come home you can hardly get around from being so weak other times your fine it depends on the birth.
This shouldn't be a problem but I personally from own experience suggest that they do this. It's not a bad way of doing it either and it's the truth. Also let them know that they would prefer when they do come over to keep the noise down for the baby and also to please be considerate and not make a mess of the house because your sister will need some time after all is said and done to adjust herself to a new way of things and caring for the baby.

Good Luck and tell your sister to not worry about it one bit but do tell them this or something prior to the arrival of the baby so she and her husband aren't dealing with that and the baby when they come home.

Take care and happy new year!!

Answer 3

It's their house. They should tell BOTH sets of parents to stay elsewhere. If breastfeeding is the plan, Mom is the only one who really needs to be there at night, and if it isn't, then Dad can take turns with the bottle. There is no need to have extra people around in the middle of the night, making more dirty bedding and noise.

That way, there can be no claims of favoritism, and no need for ANYONE to bring their clutter over, since they will be there to WORK, not to lounge around. They can suggest that one set of parents help in the mornings, and the other set help in the afternoons, and then leave the couple and their baby some TIME ALONE to bond in the evenings. Maybe have the lazy parents help in the mornings - that way the other parents can clean up after them in the afternoons. They should make up a list of chores that need to be done each day (cooking, cleaning, laundry, repairs) so to keep each in-law busy - let them do the monotonous grunt work while the new Mom and new Dad concentrate on the baby's needs. That way it isn't too "fun" for Grandma and Grandpa, and there is no room for argument about the baby's schedule or how it is cared for - it is ALWAYS done Mom's way.

Eventually, they will all get tired of living in a hotel, and leave.

Answer 4

Perhaps she should ask both set of grandparents to stay at a hotel close to them and come over through the day. This way neither parties nose will be put out of joint. Or she could inform the in-laws that her parents were going to be there for the first couple of weeks and it would be better if they came after that. She should also inform them that she cannot run around cleaning up after them if they do stay at her home and that they will be responsible for cleaning up after themselves and preparing their own meals at times. She can still be very couteous and polite while telling them and hopefully her husband will also speak with his parents and let them know the situation also. It is natural for grandparents to be excited about the birth of their firstborn grandchild but most already know (or remember) what it is like and how busy new mom will be and as such will try to be helpful rather then acting like big kids themselves and needing to be cared for. Best of luck to your sister in having a happy and healthy baby.

Answer 5

This is what you need to do. Have her husband, their child, take a stand. He doesn't have to be mean, he can say that they have given this a lot of thought and worked out a schedule of sorts. That all the latest parenting books say (or some other crap) that too many people in the house trying to help out really just ends in frustration and chaos, especially for a new Mother and Dad. So that they can come the first week if they like, but they won't be able to stay in the house, that their week to stay in the house will be the third week after the baby is born. If your sister and her husband don't learn to set boundaries now, it will only get worse. Of course, if they live far away and only visit once or twice a year, then your sister and her hubby should consider to grin and bear it, hire a helper for those few weeks to clean up after the slobs and not worry about the mess! My grandmother sent me money so I could hire a helper the first few weeks, and we lived in this tiny apartment, but it was nice to have someone vaccume and dust and do laundry while I tried to figure out what to do with my newborn! LOL

Answer 6

I too had a similar situation when our daughter was born. It is a happy time and all the family does want to see the bundle of joy. It is important to talk to all family members who visit. Let them know that this is the time for them to help out, and not a time for arguing
We were very exhausted.Your sister and brother-n law,will be exhausted too. They will need help with the daily chores: house to be cleaned, dinner made, bottles made if not nursing, helping out with the baby when not with their parents, laundry etc.
If the laws want to stay they have to know what if required of them, and if they can't follow the house rules, than it may be best to visit for a couple of hours and not stay over. If your parents are there this will help them(in laws) see that family helps family and not make more of a burden for first time parents These things must be talked about to the in laws by the husband(or whoever is the stonger family member), so they see he is putting his family first(wife and baby)

Answer 7

Tell your sister to suck it up and deal with it. It's not fair that 'your' parents get to bond with the new baby while, 'his' parents are treated like an old pair of army boots. Be glad the baby has 2 sets of doting grandparents who want to be with their grandbaby. Don't rain on their parade. The good news is they won't stay forever. If space is limited, suggest they stay at a local hotel/motel. If the new mom gets too exhausted from all of the visiting, tell her to grab a grandma or two and hand over the baby and let them be grandparents for gosh sakes.

Answer 8

I would just ask them if they could just visit for a short period of time because she already has her parents staying at her house. It's hard enough to go through the trauma of giving birth and being a first time mother without having to entertain the "in laws."

Answer 9

The first few days will not be the best time to tell them off. Let everybody enjoy the moment first. See how things go, then sit everybody down, thank them for their love and concern, then set guidelines, and get everybody's commitment. Good Luck! and Congratulations!

Answer 10

She should explain to them that her parents were already invited and she doesn't have the room that they are welcome to come visit but only if they stay in a hotel.Has for the meddeling that goes on when they are there.She should stop being polite and put foot down now.I know from experience it will bite her in the tushie later if she doesn't put his mom in her place now.

Answer 11

She needs to be blunt and tell them the decision has been made as to who will visit and her parents will be there first and everyone else has to wait their turn. If the inlaws get mad, so be it, they have no right to insist on being there without being invited. And when they do visit and made a mess, she needs to tell them they made that mess, now clean it up. Her house, her rules.