does anybody know any funny jokes which are not dirty?

Question

does anybody know any funny jokes which are not dirty or riddles

Answer 1

loads but too clean for here !!

Answer 2

This beautiful blond calls her boyfriend and ask if he can come over a help her put this killer puzzle together. He asks her what the puzzle is supposed to be. She says according the the picture on the box a tiger. He agrees to come over. When he arrives he goes straight to the table and looks at all the the puzzle pieces...confused he then looks at the picture on the box. He proceeds to tell his girlfriend to sit down an take a break because the puzzle would be impossible to put together. He also told her when she finished taking a break that she needs to put all of the frosted flakes back in the box.

Answer 3

Yeah -- it goes like this ~

There's a Blonde, a Red Head, and a Bernette and they all go to this restaurant. While entering the restaurant, the waiter says that if they go into the Ladies restroom look in the mirror and tell the truth, they will receive a gift but if they lie they will be trapped in the mirror forever. so they walk into the rest room and the Bernette goes to the mirror and says, "I think I'm the prettiest girl in here.", so she receives a Rose. The Red-Head walks up to the mirror and says, "I think I'm the smartest girl in here." so she receives a Rose. Then the Blonde says, "I think-" and she gets trapped in the mirror forever
xP lol

Answer 4

The traveling incense salesman was walking along the dusty road out of New Delhi when he realized he needed a place to sleep. He saw the root gatherers hut in the distance and headed for it. He knocked at the entrance-way and the root gatherer came to the door and said "Yes". The incense salesman said, " I am a traveling incense salesman and I need a place to sleep for the night." The root gatherer said, " You are welcome to sleep here, but you will have to sleep up in the loft with my daughter." He answered "OK" and climbed the ladder to the loft. The next morning he came down and squatted down next to the root gatherer and accepted a cup of tea. The root gatherer asked, "Did you enjoy sleeping with my daughter?". The salesman said, "Yes I did very very much, but I have to ask, why was there rice in her mouth?". The root gatherer replied, "Oh, that is not rice, that is maggots, she has been dead for two years."

Answer 5

An 'un-pretty' woman, walking down the street passes a pet store. A parrot in a cage outside the store says, "Hey Lady!"
She says "What?" Parrot, "You're ugly!" Woman walks off in a huff. The next day, same thing. Parrot, "Hey Lady!"
She, "What?" Parrot, "You're ugly!" Woman walks off in a huff. Third day, same thing, only this time the woman storms into the store and tells off the owner and says, "If your bird does that one more time, I'm going to haul you into court!" Owner goes out and talks to the parrot and explains that he has to stop, the woman is very angry.
Next day, woman walks by and the parrot says, "Hey Lady!" Woman, "What?" Parrot, "You know!"

lol

Answer 6

A doctor prescribed his insomniac patient some sleep medicine.
The patient went to sleep easily after trying it.
The next morning, he went to the doctor looking grumpy.
The doctor asked," Didn't you get any sleep"?
Patient says," Yes, but I dreamed that I didn't"

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A Blonde frantically called her doctor after a fly flew into her ear.
The doctor suggested an old folk remedy, "Pour warm olive oil
into your ear and lie on the ground for a few minutes, when you stand up the fly will come out with the oil. Blonde says," Ok, makes sense, but which ear do I pour it in?

Answer 7

Yes. Here goes:
After receiving his results, a boy asked his teacher if she could lower his grades.
" But why, Julian? You've got a 100%!" the teacher said.
"I know. But last time I got 20%, my dad gave 80 dollars to me. Before that , I got 70% and my dad gave me 30 dollars. Now that I've got a 100% what will he give me?"
Teacher : " .................."

Answer 8

I know a joke that is dirty but not funny, check-out "fookin biatch"!

Answer 9

sorry if this is offensive to anyone;

three wise men walk into the stable, and the tallest bangs his head on the door frame. "jesus Christ" he exclaims, to which Joseph say "write that down Mary, its better than Derek"

Answer 10

Q: What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck in sand?


A: Not enough sand

Answer 11

tree men in a boat in the middle of the ocean ,they come across a bottle floating ,thet grab the bottle and rub it dry ,a genie pops out and gives them all one wish each,the first man said i wish i could be back at home with my wife ,and poof he was gone ,the second man said i wish i was in the pub haveing a pint ,and poof he was gone ,the third man said i feel so alone ,i wish my friends where back her with me ,,,,,,,,,,,,