well i've been seeing this guy for the past 4 months now. today i was suppose to reply to his message now he's so mad. he says that i'm cheating but i'm actually not, now that i'm finally speaking to him, he wants to run away from the problem, its like he wants me to feel guilty, and well i feel really guilty!! i love him with all my heart and soul, i never wanna loose him.. what should i do to make this work?
2006-12-30 02:07:42 · 15 answers · asked by danielle t 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
First off, what do you mean today you were supposed to answer his message? This sounds like he is trying to control you and also manipulate you. By him claiming to be mad over some little thing he is controlling you to try to make you applgize. And when he finally does talk to you he manipulates you to feel guilty. You have to have a talk with him and tell him that what you did was wrong and you realize that, but people make mistakes but he overreacted and manipulated you and that is not excusable
2006-12-30 02:16:17 · answer #1 · answered by Mandy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After only four months this relationship isn't like you have decades invested in it. Find someone else to "love with all your heart".
If you were not cheating, and he just dreamed up a false accusation; and if he is continuing to believe his own make-believe and then not talk to you about it; he's got problems.
Maybe he isn't "running away", though. Maybe he knows he was wrong and doesn't want that thrown in his face constantly. I think you should tell him, "You didn't trust me, and you accused me of something I didn't do. I'd like you to just acknowledge that, so we can move on. I can forgive you, but I need that much from you, too." Tell him you don't want to talk about it forever, and you don't want a wallowing apology - just an acknowledgement that you didn't do what he thought you did. Tell him, too, you do want to stay in the relationship; but you are not willing to be made to feel guilty about what you didn't do; and you do need at least his acknowledgement that he was in error. Tell him you need to know the truth is clear between you both.
2006-12-30 10:16:23 · answer #2 · answered by WhiteLilac1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he is either really insecure or trying to place blame on you when he is really up to something. Not replying in a timely manner is not a reason to jump the gun and think someone is cheating. So you should not feel bad at all. Just let him know why you weren't able to reply when he wanted and tell him to stop being so dramatic.
P.S. Sometimes guys start meaningless arguments hoping that you'll break up with them. It's a guy's chicken way to get out of a relationship.
2006-12-30 10:16:50 · answer #3 · answered by You Don't Know Me! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok, if most of the relationship is about him gettin mad all the time and making you feel guilty then this sounds like it may turn into an abusive relationship. if he is accusing you of cheating all the time and gets mad for the dumbest reasons, this may be the first signs of a very controlling person. If this persists then just leave.
REMEMBER: People who really love you try to build you up. Not break you down, or make you feel guilty.
2006-12-30 10:15:49 · answer #4 · answered by Lauren. 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is accusing you of cheating and trying to make you feel guilty, then he is trying to manipulate you. He wants to be the "boss" and control you. If he is this way after 4 months, you might find out later that he is also abusive. My advice is to get out of this relationship now. Keep looking for someone that respects you and supports you.
2006-12-30 10:23:35 · answer #5 · answered by moogie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he throwing things at the wall thinking they will stick, like you are and will confess to an accusation, wants to control you and make you feel guilty in advance in case you ever think of cheating, or is cheating himself and is psychologically converting it to alleviate his guilt into YOU are cheating so he is justified.
Regardless of the above, the more you play into their twisted obession and try to reassure them the more controlling and demanding they become.
If you want to make it work, put your foot down and tell him you haven't cheated and you are pissed off that he would suggest it and if he doesn't think anymore of your relationship than that, what are you to think of it and see what he says.
2006-12-30 10:15:18 · answer #6 · answered by bottleblondemama 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, first he's mad and accuses you of cheating, (overly jealous, insecure, bad temper), then he wants to run away from the problem,(denial, won't communicate, puts guilt on YOU for no reason). You say you LOVE this? Good luck.
2006-12-30 10:18:00 · answer #7 · answered by INDRAG? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Drop your boyfriend and move on, if he's going to suspect your cheating because you didn't reply to a message whats he gonna do when you can't answer his telephone call or something similar.
I just see this relationship heading down a dark path if you bend down to his wishes and go along with his stupid games!
2006-12-30 10:13:03 · answer #8 · answered by mbsparks11@verizon.net 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My experience is that if someone repeatedly accuses another of cheating without significant evidence, then they are seriously insecure, or they themselves are cheating.
2006-12-30 10:13:32 · answer #9 · answered by wanderingphotographer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless there's more to the story then what you are telling then there's nothing you can do. He sounds very insecure and that's something he needs to work on.
2006-12-30 10:12:55 · answer #10 · answered by M.A.X. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋