I've been involved with a good man for almost 4 years. We plan on spending the rest of our lives together. The only problem is he still lives on the same property (not in the same house) as his ex and two children. Although he was never married to his ex, he has yet to put legal closure on things with her and she (in my opinion) is a real psycho. Of course I am not "allowed" on the property. She has known about me for years. He keeps telling me he will put finality on things with her but I have yet to see it happen. Am I being really stupid here?
2006-12-30 01:47:01 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
With children involved, you must accept that she will always be involved in your life with him, at least until the children are adults. If he lets go of her, the children will still be there.
It sounds like he is not ready to let go. 4 years is ample time if he is truly ready to commit to you. Doesn't appear to be so.
I suspect that he is still intimate with her, and if that is true with you too, he has the best of both worlds.
Bear in mind that he is responsible for child support. Are you ready and willing to accept that?
Extras in a marriage with you will be lean.
NO, it isn't stupid. It's known as love.
Love should never be put to a test, but in this case, I would suggest that you stop seeing him for a time. As much as it may hurt, he may come to his own decision.
You may find that you are better off now, than you could be later.
Good luck.
I speak from experience and still care. My ex is the last for me, but I'm older than you.
2006-12-30 02:08:20 · answer #1 · answered by ed 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, first of all I wouldn't say you are being stupid when you fall in love you can't help who it is and what they do. Just remember that he does have kids, and he will never really stop communicating with her (because of the children). that will always be something that will be in both of your lives, however what kind of legal closure are you speaking about unless it's custody of the children he doesnt have any type of custody battle if he is not married to her. Do they have bills under both names such as car, or house bills thats about all i can think of. Just make sure you are not being jerked around cause being a guy, (reformed and happily married) if you let us we will play with you.
2006-12-30 09:56:13 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds doddgy to me if he wanted to be with you then he would have done somthing by now and he wouldnt want to be on the same property as hes ex. talk to him put the shoe on the other foot ask him how he would feel if you lived on the same property as your ex and not showing commitment.
2006-12-30 09:51:23 · answer #3 · answered by NICOLA G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is either hoping to get her back, or he is afraid of a legal fight that might result in him losing his kids.
What do you mean you aren't "allowed" on the property? This is a guy that loves you but you aren't allowed on the property? That's BS.
2006-12-30 09:50:09 · answer #4 · answered by wanderingphotographer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep on running even after you have reached the door! What makes you think he is going to marry you, after 4 years of treating you as his emotional depedent with no commitment? I don't think he ever will leave his ex.
2006-12-30 10:08:11 · answer #5 · answered by jehyuenpoon 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like he's having it way too easy here. i'd put some ground rules down for what you believe you deserve in this relationship (ie, not coming second to anyone). he may be wanting to stay close to his children, but if he wants another relationship, then he can't expect to be living in such close quarters with his ex.
put the foot down! you're making it too easy for him to have his cake and eat it too.
2006-12-30 09:51:29 · answer #6 · answered by noodle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no your not being stupid... but you are / have been waiting for someone who has the best of both worlds. granted he has children.... he's all talk and no action...4 years later... he's still just talking... you should give a choice and follow through...even if it hurts... can't spend your life waiting.... you may let go of the man... but you never let go of your dream of being happy with someone without issues and empty promises... you have to protect yourself,.. your dream...if he's not protecting you.
2006-12-30 09:52:58 · answer #7 · answered by Curious Girl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am afraid so.....don't think he is really living in a different space from her...that's why you are not allowed on the property.....good luck
2006-12-30 09:49:55 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is spelled "Stupid" with a capital S. You must like abuse. If he can not leave than he just wants to have his cake and eat it too, I would suspect. He may be nice, but seems to treating you "Unnice."
2006-12-30 09:51:09 · answer #9 · answered by Big C 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If a man can "live" with one woman, and have another who's willing to live with it, he's not going to change anything.
2006-12-30 09:50:20 · answer #10 · answered by QTPYE 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋