How do you stop obsessing of an awful incident?

Question

For 5 years, I've been experiencing flashbacks of a awful incident at school year 8, July 2001. I was in the girl's changing room for PE. The girls weren't getting dressed, they were being stupid .For some reason I didn't get changed, just kinda got involved in what was going on. Ten minutes later, a female teacher came in and was extremely angry. She was screaming at the girls, hey why aren't u all dressed?!!!

She asked each girl are they dressed, they said yes. When she came to me and said, Are you dressed? I said: "I was going to". Then she suddenly screamed: WELL HURRY UUPPPPP!!! EVERYBODY ELSE IS DRESSED!!!! WHAT HAVE U BEEN DOING ALL THIS TIME YOU YOU YOU... FAT ASS!!!!" (ok I was overweight in year 8, but not overweight anymore).

It was not just what she said that killed me, but the intensity and loudness of her voice and it cut like a knife. I'm very scared of that teacher. I'm not even at school anymore. I'm in 2nd year of uni, yet I can't stop thinking about it.

Answer 1

~I totally understand what you're going through. You need to talk with someone about this, your parents or a counselor.
I'll tell you my story, maybe it will help some?
I was in a catholic grade school, second grade. There were only 4 girls in the class, the rest boys. It was a small town. I'm a Native American Indian and I think she had a problem with me because of it.
She was really tall and scary. She would make up reasons to have me leave the classroom with her to "talk." While there she would get right in my face and tell me how worthless I was until I cried, then demand that I stop crying.
One time another class came up the stairs and the teacher saw me crying and looked concerned, but my teacher made an excuse for it and got away with it.
This happened almost everyday. I tried telling my mom, but she either didn't care or didn't want to listen.
If I can get passed this, you can too. Of course I've had a lot of counseling, for more than just this problem.
That teacher intimidated you, just like I was intimidated. She obviously hates her job. Oh, I was fat too.
I agree with the closure answer. Two letters, exactly the same, for the principle and the teacher, every detail and how it has affected you since then.
Good luck to you.~

Answer 2

You should have reported that teacher at the time. Name-calling is highly inappropriate behaviour from a teacher, especially when calling attention to someone who is overweight, in a derogatory fashion. If this is really hampering your ability to focus on your life, you should contact the school and let them know what this teacher has done, and they will be forced to address it in their disciplinary protocol. Tell yourself that this is unhealthy to dwell on, it is over and done with and that it can never happen again. And if this is still an issue, you should seek counselling. You must get past this, move on with your life, and put a period on that unfortunate fragment of your history. If you cannot deal with this on your own, then the only other option is counselling. Your university should have sources available to assist. Good luck.

Answer 3

You probably placed more importance on this matter than it deserves. Revisit the incident with non-emotional eyes and ears, be more objective about the incident.

Though it still seems very traumatic to you today, it is probably because of your reaction to the event rather than the event itself.

It was certainly an overreaction by the teacher, and non-professional, none of that can be changed, but you can change how you view the incident.

Go back to the incident in your mind and choose cognitively or consciously to react differently, i.e., O.K. I'm getting dressed, and let that be the extent of your new reaction.

Also, some of your reaction may due to the harshness of the teacher's reaction, it certainly was not professional of the teacher to react that way, but you can't change that, but you can truly forgive that teacher in your heart and then move on.

I'm a Christian so I'll give you some advice from Jesus at Matthew 6:27 "You cannot add any time to your life by worrying about it." He means you cannot ad any time to your life by worring about anything, infact, we know that excessive worrying will probably shorten one's life.

You can also train yourself, and this will work with anything you think about in excess, to replace the thought pattern you want to rid yourself of by checking your thoughts often and when you are thinking about something you do not want to think about, replace that negative thought with a positive thought.

Make yourself a written list of positive things in your life and carry it around with you. When, while checking your thoughts, you find you are thinking about something you no longer want to think about replace it with one or more positive thoughts on the list.

This is not to say you should ignore or stuff the unpleasent thought, this will just repress the thought and it will surface later on in your life, my advice is to deal with it now in a cognitive way, give the importance due it and not one ounce more, forgive the teacher then move on.

God bless your efforts to improve your life, in Jesus' name. Amen Sincerely, Rick

The Holy Bible : New Century Version , containing the Old and New Testaments. 1991 . Word Bibles: Dallas, TX

Answer 4

One way to stop obsessing is to deal with it. If you don't have the will to face the teacher in person, write her a letter. Explain the event as you did here. Let her know how much it hurt you. Let her know how much it still bothers you to this day. If you want to get vengence, send the letter to the Principal of the school and to the school board. Gym teachers are notoriously mean, I think they watch too many Drill Sergeant movies, but that is no excuse for rude and demeaning behavior. One small bit of comfort, no doubt you have more people that love you than she ever will.

Answer 5

kiddo this is a trauma for you everyone has their own stuff but if it is causing you to have flashbacks the only way I know how to eliminate flashbacks is with the help of a qualified therapist see if you can find one who is trained in hypno therapy that way you can totally turn down her voice so you cant hear it any more and then the therapist will help you change the vision to black and white and then shrink it down so small that its so insignificant that you will be able to go on with your life. I do hope you find help for this flashbacks are very unnerving and can be so frightfull that some people are afraid to leave their homes I have successfully had sexual assualt flashbacks turned off with hypnotherapy I know it works

Answer 6

I had a PE teacher that hated me since i was 6 years of age. She never really knew why. We both tranfered to another school and she told me i better not. She ended up taking her anger out on anyone who even knew me. It came down to her telling the whole PE classes to sit and be quit while she went after me. She send me to the office, and she actually told them she had flucked me all those years, so i did not have my PE credits , so the high school, gave me my PE credit, and i was not allowed to take any of her classes. Then when she finally retired, she said she had never had a student she did not like. I wish i would of had enough self esteem, and self confidence to of stood up and said hay do you remember me and the hell you put me through.
Of coarse the kids at the school that i tranfered from had been putting me through hell since i had started school. By that time i was so with drawn, and the school did nothing, even when my parents went down to get them to get the kids to stop it. But the new school was ok, but i do still remember all of that. But you really don't have to be scare of her anymore, you are in an univ. now, and that is in the pass, so if you can not work through it by yourself then go and see a therapist, and they can help with that. You just may find that it will not take that long of a time to work through it, and get pass it. It is better then thinking and fearing that memory every day of you life. Best wishes to you on this.

Happy Hoildays

Answer 7

**** honey if that is the worse thing that has ever happened to you you are damn lucky....

What a blessing... your worst incident is that a teacher yelled at you and insulted you....

There are people sitting in the university lecture halls with you that have been beaten senseless... some who have been raped.. some who have never had a new item of clothing in their whole life.. some who were screamed at by their parents every day of childhood...some that were told over and over how fat and useless they were.. some who will face all or some of this, this week... this day... perhaps this moment...

There are people you walk past every day who never had the chance to go to university... some who never had the chance to go to high school... some who never had a day of peace in their lives...

And sometime this week you are going to walk past someone who was cut WITH a knife... not just like a knife...

Basically it seems that you are one of the very blessed in life... and yet instead of grabbing your blessing with both hands and moving on with courage and resilience you obsess over one negative incident...

Get over it... move on... accept the teacher yelled at you and made you feel bad... accept it was scary at the time but that time has now PASSED.....

Answer 8

Wow! That's horrible & I'm sorry that happened to you! What a hag of a teacher! If I was in 8th grade & that happened to me I think my mom would've killed her! Seriously, I think you need to tell her exactly how it made you feel. The lady sounds crazy, so don't expect much sympathy. Just call, mail a letter, email...whatever...just get it out there & forget about it. I don't think I would open the email/letter if she responded. Don't let her hurt you anymore! Good Luck!!! :)

Answer 9

Its tough,. I think you need closure,. this can be achieved in a myriad of ways

1. Go tell her how out of line she was (although this will probably not be too successful as she probably forgot you,.. but its worth a shot)
2. Torch her car (this is good, as not only will it make you feel good, but she will suffer too)
3. For 200$ I will steal her car and drive it through the front of her house (this is a sure attention getter,. she will obviously have to reflect upon herself as I am sure she will ask God, what she did to deserve this, and you and I will alsways know the truth :) )
4. Just try to move on,... know that you are one heck of a person, destined fro greater things,. and she is still stuck teching public school and in essence hit the highlight of her miserable existance while you are on to bigger and better things

Answer 10

You have to face her, even if it's in a letter.
I faced my coach & told her how awful she was all through high school. It was a very unpleasant experance, but I stood up to her and let her know she could no longer intimidate me.
As she walked away all she had to say was "whatever".
At that point I knew I had finaly won.
Hope this helps.