I have a child who is bi-polar and he is very mean to his siblings. How do I control this, he has no remorse.

Question

He also has ADHA, has failed 1st grade and is now 8 yrs old. Corpral punishment does no good, he doesn't care what you do to him or take away from him. He is not doing good in school and is very mean to his brothers and he thinks it is funny. I am worried because I am afraid he will hurt one of them. Please help.

Sorry folks, He is on medication and does see a child phycologist and therapist. He is on adderall and zyprexa. We know the zyprexa is not working like it should. He is in counseling. Nothing seems to work and I am scared for him more so then anyone else.

Answer 1

There is some terrific advice and support here - let it make it quite clear to you that you're not the only one out there struggling and there are many people who care heaps.

I would like to strongly reinforce the suggestions of getting more help professionally and also get involved in support groups, even if you're not certain of his diagnosis. Most groups will give you plenty of support while you get a correct and complete diagnosis and you may even start to see things in other children's situations that help you get more of a grip on what's happening in your own family and strategies to cope and to deal with things.

I can't emphasise enough the importance of support groups. You may feel like you haven't the energy available and right now, that may be true. But make the effort because over time, the support you get will help you in dealing with your situation and eventually give you more energy. Feeling alone and helpless will sap your energy far more than getting involved in a support group. Also, people with similar issues to you don't judge and hand out silly advice. An amazing number of people will criticise your efforts when they have no idea because they have no experience of the situation. You need friends who know firsthand what it's like - even if they don't have answers, they will have kind words for you and you won't feel so alone.

Also, if you find it hard to read books for information and help, whether because you don't take information in easily that way or you just haven't the resources left to do that, support groups give you alternate ways of getting the information you need. Ask about videos and DVDs as well.

My child has a "non-specific developmental disorder" and a friend has bi-polar and I know how hard it can be and the enormous struggle to find the right approach to discipline and developing the child's social behaviour. On the point of bi-polar and remorse, though, our friend has a very strong code of ethics and I would be surprised if that's the cause of the meanness and lack of remorse. But I admit to not knowing a lot about that aspect in bi-polar. If you feel you haven't had the help you need with the professionals you have seen, go and find another source of help for the sake of all of you.

All the best and I hope you get somewhere SOON!

Answer 2

I just finished reading a book called "If Your Child Is Bipolar: The Parent-to-Parent Guide to Living with and Loving a Bipolar Child "
It's a good book and covers issues like how the bipolar child effects the rest of the family around him or her. I took it out of the library after reading some great reviews on it on amazon.com. I've read everything I can get my hands on on the subject, as my son has an unspecified mood disoder/ADHD/Asperger's and I myself have childhood onset bipolar.

It is so hard to parent a child this difficult. My son doesn't care either what gets taken away or what other kind of trouble he is in. Only when we took drastic action and banned ALL forms of video games indefinitely did I start to notice a change (about a month ago), but he also recently started on an antidepressant in addition to his Adderall and Lamictal..so I'm not sure what really caused the change or how long it will last.

I had read the book 1-2-3 Magic, which is basically a very simple discipline technique and it worked really well when he was about 7 or 8, for a little while anyway. It's worth trying, if you haven't already.

I don't have any other children, so I can't offer advice on how to handle things. But I can share resources I've found.

Some websites, just in case you don't already have them linked:

http://www.bpkids.org/site/PageServer
http://www.notmykid.org/parentHelp.asp
http://www.bpchildren.com/
http://www.bipolarchild.com/

Answer 3

Corporal punishment won't work. I know, it does not work with my son. He laughs at it.

Seriously? He needs both medication and therapy. And SOON. We started my son when he was 6, and he has gotten better in some ways, but there is still a long way to go. If he is 8, you've got a lot less time... when he hits puberty, there will be major issues.

Get him the help he needs... and UNDERSTANDING. Punishment also will be necessary, but not hitting him. Find out what he really cares about and use THAT as what you restrict or take away if he does not behave.

It works.

Answer 4

I hate to ask questions in pursuit of an answer, but as a family therapist I have to ask what else is going on in the family? Usually a child like this is the symptom bearer for a much larger family problem. Has the child experienced any losses in relationship through death, divorce, or distance ? Are other family members having any problems? Who labeled him ADHD? Is he on medicat ion? Many times PTSD can look like ADHD. Has he experienced any significant trauma since birth? Loss of significant attachments (day care providers or grandparents), sexual or physical abuse, etc. Are the siblings older or younger? Have you sought counseling for your son? He sounds like a very unhappy little boy who's behaviors reflect what he is feeling inside-unworthy of love. He didn't start out this way. Create a timeline from birth to the present and log significant life events. You might be surprised at what you find. Each child responds differently to common family experiences. What you percieved as insignificant may seem like the end of the world to this kid. Make it your New Years resolution to take your family to family counseling. Most universities have clinics that provide family counseling on a sliding scale. Your child is worth it!

Answer 5

I work with developmentally handicapped children. A few of our kids are not mildly mentally retarded but have Bi polar and some have ADHD. It can only be treated and helped through medication..and ALOT of love and patience. They cannot help it. I would encourage you to seek out a support group or find a chat room where you can vent and get ideas with other parents who are going through the same thing. As for the siblings..they need to be safe above all. Please try to seek professional help. The kids I take care of were placed because the parents could no longer handle the behavior and the child was becoming a threat to themselves and their family/siblings.

Answer 6

I would suggest you take him to another psychiatrist. Hurting his brothers or being mean to them is not a symptom of bipolar disorder or ADHD. It sounds more like antisocial disorder. He may also have the other disorders, but the antisocial traits need to be addressed by a professional. The family should be in therapy to help deal with his behaviors and he should also be in therapy.

You could try a more positive approach to discipline. If he doesn't respond to punishment, just ignore the bad behavior and reward the good behavior. Rewards can be in the form of praise, hugs and cuddles, and anything that he enjoys.

Answer 7

YOu have my sympathy. I have a wife who is BP and a son who is BP and ADHD. Is your son on medication? Has he been properly diagnoised? BP and ADHD is a chemical imbalance. Bi polar means 2 chemicals out of balance. There are 45 symptoms of BP and you have to exhibit 5 of those symptoms for a week or more to be BP. Until he is medicated properly he will only get worse. You will also need counseling for both you and your son. You will need it to learn how to deal with him. Understand that your son cannot help himself. My son used to say he had the devil in him and didn't know why he did what he did. There are several natural ways to treat BP & ADHD if you want to try them. Many have good results with them. BP will only get worse if not treated. Even with treatment they will still "CYCLE" and stress can negate the medication.
My son is 14 and he is now making B's in school. Homework used to be a nightmare. It can still be hard but is much better than it used to be. Here is a link for some natural treatments.

http://www.truehope.com/_research/Nutrient%20Deficiency.asp

Answer 8

Take everything out of his room except his dresser, bed and clothes in his closet. I bet he won't like that, and then no tv, no video games, no talking on the phone, no friends over take everything away from him and maybe his behavior will change. If this doesn't work I think you need to see a counselor because maybe there is something else bothering him not just his bi-polar or ADHD

Answer 9

The only way to help this condition is treatment. Anything can trigger the symptoms of bi-polar. On one note tho, he is unable to control his behavior. Something in his childhood and past has triggered this to happen. You may want to do some research? I have learned a lot about my boyfriend and his condition of PTSD and Bi-polar.

He just needs help. Talk to your doctor about how to help settle his behavior, regular punishment really won't help..his behavior isn't like a normal childs. But, with the proper help, medication, and patience he will learn that his behavior is uncalled for. Gluck!

Answer 10

What a challenge! Well, is the bi-polar child on meds? Maybe the Dr. can adjust them? It can be very complicated to get the meds just right and if your doctor has trouble with this, dont feel bad about changing doctors. beleive me they are not all created equal! when he is in a mean mood, remove him from the area. Maybe he can be sent to his room to play in there. Put some games for him to play with and he can try to learn to go in to his room when he is feeling mean. Dont let the one child ruin it for the whole family. The other children will suffer for it. good luck.