I've known "Bill" for about 6years. Bill dated my friends but never me so he & I became close platonic friends. About 3 years ago, when we left college, we started hanging out regularly. We were always flirting with each other but *nothing* phyiscal ever happened. (I have some intimacy issues b/c of previous abuse.)
This time last year we were calling every day, visiting monthly - saying "I love you", etc. All "just good friends."
In April, we traveled together - got a hotel room & stayed in the same bed. He got VERY handsy in bed & I ignored it. I was ok with being MORE than friends, just wanted him to talk about it first to know it wasn't just a fling.
After that trip, he's been distant. Doesn't call. I tried calling & talking to him. I've made it clear that I was ok with us being more than friends. But he still won't talk!
After 6 years, I don't want to just walk away!
He also has $300 worth of my horse supplies that I need.
What to do? Call 1 more time & ask for my stuff?
2006-12-29 06:27:05 · 7 answers · asked by kerrisonr 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Last time I asked for my things, he claimed he didn't know where they were. I don't know how he could loose them- there was a whole horse trailer full of equipment he was holding for me until I moved!
2006-12-29 06:33:14 · update #1
Thanks to you all for the answers.
He's not taking my calls and has told his friends that he "Really doesn't know where my stuff is."
I've tried sending Holiday cards with some thoughts on it telling him I wanted to maintain the friendship with him in whatever capacity he wants.
He still hasn't called. He didn't write. And now he won't take my calls - they just go to voicemail.
How am I supposed fix this? And if I can't, how do I get my stuff back since I can't get him on the phone??
2006-12-30 06:03:19 · update #2
Sounds to me "Bill" is a little embarrased about what happened the night you shared a bed. Instead of calling you back, he's decided to just avoid the whole situation. I don't think it is your fault, I think "Bill" has some pride issues he needs to resolve.
I say, get your supplies back and move on!
2006-12-29 06:31:19 · answer #1 · answered by question_everything 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When a male and female become platonic friends as long as you and "Bill", things start to get taken for granted. Two long term friends get very relaxed and do things on the spite that the other does not care. For example, one may fart or something. Normally, you won't do that with just common aquaintances. Furthermore, you don't turn to your friend and say, "We've known each other for a long time. Can I fart?" No, you don't do that. You just do it.
So, in your case, "Bill" may have just been in that "comfort state" and he was able to do whatever he pleased and you would be fine with it. So, when he did what he did in bed, he maybe thought that he was able to get handsy and then "maybe more". Instead, you gave him the cold shoulder. Which I think that this was your mistake. You did nothing. One, you should have confronted him and said, "No. We're just friends". Or two, at this point is where you should have stopped him and asked for his intensions. This is when you should have asked him if this was a fling or not. Not now. It's too late. You embarrassed him. I'm sure it took him awhile to build up his courage to "make the next move". Then, when you ignored him, it was kind of like rejection.
I don't blame him at this moment for being distant. Distant as in "down the block". Not distant as in "across the globe", which is what it sounds like he's doing.
I applaud you on trying to make ammends. Give him just a little bit more time to get over his shame or whatever he has.
Then, go to him and maybe things will be better again. After getting back to a "talking" relationship, then evaluate whether you just want to call it quits and get back your stuff.
It appears it was just a miscommunication to a certain degree. Don't circle the wagons so quickly.
ADDITION: I just saw your addition. Things smell a little fishy. Be very careful. Still try to talk to him. However, even if you do become friends with him again, ask him where your stuff is at.
2006-12-29 14:41:30 · answer #2 · answered by Scott D 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well you made the wrong move in ignoring him back then. You should have addressed the issue when he became handsy. Explain that you want to be more than "just friends", but you need time and understanding from him. Now that it has passed, appologize for what happen that night. Now explain where you stand emotionally and ask that he share his thoughts and feelings with you. If he is still unwilling to talk with you, ask for your things, tell him you'll miss him and move on.
2006-12-29 14:34:14 · answer #3 · answered by luvianacaro 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He sounds very suspicious!!
If you slept with him, then maybe he had his piece and doesnt want to know anymore..
If he didnt, then you need to call him and find out whats going on, maybe he is confused and doesnt know what he wants...
But you need to get your horse supplies back as they belong to you!!!! so you need to phone him and make sure he returns them to you!
2006-12-29 14:32:44 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i agree with luviacano
Maybe he felt stupid, and he gave you a sign that he doesnt want to give up the friendship by saying *i dont know where i put your things. Delaying thi ngs.. typical
2006-12-29 14:38:57 · answer #5 · answered by JJay 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call and demand he give you back your things.
2006-12-29 14:29:13 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
dun call meet him ask him wat he wants and y is he behaving like dis? talk in detail ask him wat abt 6 yearss i mean 6 years doesnt matter 2 him? ur frienship doesnt matter to him? just solve things out!
2006-12-29 14:36:45 · answer #7 · answered by dia a 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋