What is it with women who have 1 child they can't afford but decide to try to get pregnant again?

Question

I run a daycare in my home. One of the parents has a little girl under 2yrs. She just quailfied for SRS to pay for childcare. Her baby's daddy and her date, live together, fight, she kicks him out and then they repeat the cycle over and over again. She is constantly complaining that he doesn't take care of their daughter enough and just wants to hang out doing his own thing without having his daughter with him, he's a job hopper running out of jobs to hop to in our small town, they are currently dating again but she hasn't let him move back in yet; but she informed me that they are trying to get pregnant again. She constantly ignores my daycare policies and doesn't bother to read the notes I occasionally send home with updates on them like dates I am closed for the holidays and then shows up with the little girl on the days I am closed. If the little girl wasn't such a sweetie I would have given her notice months ago. How can she rationalized trying to get pregnant again?

Why do people do this

The child almost always has a diaper rash at the beginning of every week. I work all week getting rid of it. She is not bathed as often as she should be and tends to smell and regularly comes in the same clothes as the day before. I know the mother loves her daughter but she is already borderlining it as it is. If she adds a baby to the mix I don't see the quality of care improving.

My sister in law is a social worker and has assured me that the child would not be removed from her mother's care unless they found something new. I get the diaper rash gone in 2-4 days depending how bad it is. I have to start over every Monday cause she doesn't get changed enough at home. She also smells because she doesn't get bathed enough.It is not enough for her to be taken away but if mom has another baby when she is already struggling with this one it isn't going to get any better.
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Answer 1

That sucks. She should be sterilized. But I don't understand why people think you should call the Department of Homeland Security on her. Is she terrorizing you with her diaper rash.

Man I'm funny.

Answer 2

1st love knows no boundries or correct timing. I have learned so much about life & love simply by having a child. I could never hope to love someone or something as deeply as I do for my child. The only possability for that duplicate feeling would be to share it with another child.
That being said,, you should care enough for someone you love so much to be in a better possition to care for them to begain with. Sometimes people need to be gently reminded of this.
Sometimes when all else looks bleak & there is no sign or hope of a better life for yourself,, children seem to be the only happiness that has come of it all. Unfortuneatly sometimes people think the baby will help "fix" relationships also. Usually not the case.
You sound like a very insightfull person who does not miss much,, perhaps you could help this person think about her desicion by helping her think over a few key points? Such as to remind her perhaps you dont have any more openings,,, where is she planning daycare for the baby? If her babie's daddy does not have a job,, or loses it again how does she plan on paying for daycare or attending a job? I can really see your having a tough time with your one daughter,, what if the next baby requiers special attention for anything how do you plan on coping??
Some people just really dont think ahead! I know it's frustrating to see the problems in front of someone & they seem blind to the fact. Good luck

Answer 3

Well, I can't tell why unwed mothers do things such as this but what I can say is that I was in a similar situation with a family member. She had her first child at age 30. I heard through other family members that she was leaving the baby with her sister for days on end so she could go out and get high. The baby was two months old. She had this thick curly hair that was matted and a tangled mess. She had a bad diaper rash. I went to get her to give my cousin a break. I told her when she got ready to pick her up she would be at my house. I didn't see this childs mother for two weeks. I saw her on the street one day and asked her did she forget we had the baby and she said no. That baby is now 4 y/o and in pre-k and still living with me and my girls. I'm a single parent by divorce but I hate to see kids suffer because of their parents lack of concern for them.

Maybe God put this little girl in your life because He knew you would take care of her. Maybe He sent her to you because He knew she would need someone like you to care for her and show her the loving care she so obviously needs. I suggest you do whatever you can for the child that is before you and pray to God for her and her mother. Tell God what you are telling us and ask Him to take care of this situation for you. Because he is really the only one that can make a difference.

May God bless this little girl with whatever He knows she needs and blesses you for being her angel unaware.

Answer 4

You seem to know way more of this woman's business than if you were just providing care for her child. If it bothers you that bad tell her you can't care for her child anymore and quit complaining about it. If you feel neglect is taking place, you are mandated as a child care provider to report it. Your lack of reporting it makes you just as guilty if in fact there is neglect and/or abuse occurring. If she decides to have 10 more babies you can't do anything about it. That crap goes on everyday everywhere so open your eyes. She is not the only woman doing this. Maybe you feel like you're being a good Samaritan by caring for this poor hopeless child and that makes you feel all warm and gewey inside, but not doing anything about it is wrong, and putting up with it and then complaining to everyone about it is pointless. Actions speak louder than words. You are there to provide a service and run a business not sympathize with and complain to others about a child who's been dealt a bad set of creators.

Answer 5

You are so right that in this type of situation another child will not help. It may sink the ship. At some point you will need to step back.

This has a similar MO as an abusive relationship where there is bad behavior and making up. Some people get very caught up in the "passion" of the swings or the danger or whatever. These kind of relationships make me sick to my stomach, but when you add helpless children as pawns, it's just plain wrong.
These parents can't run their own lives. They shouldn't have children, but it's not up to us, is it?

Answer 6

It sounds like the lady has a self esteem problem. I can relate to what the momma is going through, she thinks her man will change. She'll get her life together, eventually. I have two baby daddy's who I should have never had children by, but it turned out that the situation I put myself in only made me a very strong, independent and wealthy (wealthy with love from my wonderful children!) You are a good person at heart who she finds comfort in telling her burdens to. As long as she is doing her part in making sure the finances are in order, continue to keep the little girl. Lord knows good and trustworthy daycare providers are hard to come by. Remind her that life is too damn short to keep going through drama and to take care of her little girl!

Answer 7

I think you sort of answered your own question with 'just qualified for SRS.' I had to Google that, but wasn't really surprised.

In this section, if you say "I'm pregnant, have a horrible life, what should I do?" there's a flood of answers from Americans rattling off the alphabet soup of programs to help broke Americans breed.

I have _no_ objections to those things for the most part, and am pretty pro-welfare in general, but the US seems to have a bit of a problem at the moment with too many questionable patches to try to fix problems after they've happened, with too little to prevent them in the first place. Why doesn't the existence of all the income supports for pregnant women, single parents, young children, etc, at least shut up the anti-sex-education crowd in your country? Why do I hear so much about WIC and similar income supports, but next to nothing about anything like a national program to help young parents go to university? Lack of education seems to be the answer for most of these things; I don't know what else to make of it.

Answer 8

as an employer to an cilent you have rules that you need to follow. If you are closed, then you are closed. I feel bad for that little girl. Have you contacted DHS about the problem to see if they have any suggestions? It seems to me that it is not a good enviroment for the little girl to be in. If they are fighting amongist themselves, what makes you think that they are not gonna take it out on the kid too. You should end the contract with the client. She thinks that she can walk all over you and using her daughter as a pawn to get her way. If you are running a daycare wth other children, I would break off the relationship as soon as possible so it won't effect your clientile. You should also contact DHS for suggestions. Good Luck!

Answer 9

Well, all I can say how sad this question is but this goes on everyday but no one hears about it....fortunately,
this little girl has you....Do your best to help the mother out, she
may be very young and has no one to turn to.

While leaving notes of rules and regulations you might consider
giving her a few ideas on birth control practices....Really she
may not know them. She sounds like she is a good mom, but
very young and inexperience, working for low wages and waiting
for her boyfriend to grow up and realize what he's got. She loves
him and no matter what you advise she is not going to listen.

Your priorty is to care for this little baby girl as you are and
see that she is safe. God bless you.

Answer 10

I know it seems like a crappy thing to do but if you feel that strongly about her care, turn her into cps (child protective services). Some people have no business having a kid let alone more than one. Its a sticky situation but maybe an investigation will open her eyes. It doesn't necessarily mean they will take her daughter away but maybe they will help her realize what she is doing. Or if you don't want to do that, try talking to her without sounding like your attacking her. Good luck..

Answer 11

She is selfish and immature and, regardless of her age, is little more than a child with a child.. She gets pregnant to satisfy her own needs and doesn't think (or care) about what the effect is on her child. What you and I see as irresponsible, she sees as her right.

Unfortunately there are too many more like her. I applaud you for being concerned with her child. The poor little girl needs some stability in her life and I am glad you are there for her.