Can Vegans eat Animal Crackers??

Answer 1

Only on alternate Tuesdays.

Answer 2

Once upon a time (not so long ago) the animal crackers sold in the circus print box were made with animal shortening. They've changed that, so eat 'em up!

Answer 3

Only the crackers with non-carnivorous animals on them would be correct.

Answer 4

lol.

actually, i haven't picked up a box of animal crackers in years so maybe you should check the list of ingredients, esp for animal fat.

Answer 5

Yes, and my good friend gave me a giant box of them for Christmas!

Answer 6

No one should..they are on the endangered list.

Answer 7

only if no animal products were used in their manufacture

Answer 8

These questions are getting really tiring.

Answer 9

As long as it is not made with lard, butter or honey.

Answer 10

Seen on a vegan mailing list

How many vegetarians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
I don't know, but where do you get your protein?
Bob C.

How many vegans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two, one to change it and one to check for animal ingredients.
[I just have to say that this is my favorite joke. I laughed my butt off the first time I read it.]
My friend Michael thought this one up

How many vivisectors does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they don't want you to see what they are doing.
C.P.M, told by an omnivore friend with intent to anger

How many vegans does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, vegans can't change anything.
Bianca & Jade

How many meat eaters dose it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they would rather stay in the dark about things.
Amanda

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because Colonel Sanders was chasing him.
Schneiders

Why did the vegetarian cross the road?
Because she was protesting for the chicken, MAN! (Pump fist in air for emphasis)
[This one did make me chuckle for some reason.]
The parrot joke

A man had a parrot that could talk. Unfortunately, it swore a lot. In an effort to get the parrot to be quiet, he put him in a cupboard. The parrot continued swearing and after a while the man decided to put the bird in the freezer. After that, the parrot started swearing even more. After a few minutes, he suddenly became quiet. The man opened up the freezer and the parrot said, "I'm sorry, sir, it will never happen again." As the man took the bird out of the freezer he wondered what the difference was between the cupboard and the freezer. Just then, the parrot said, "So, uh, what'd the chicken do?"
On Being Vegan
Inspired by Paul WS

Why does vegan cheese taste bad?
It hasn't been tested on mice.
Pat

What do you call a militant vegan?
Lactose intolerant.
Dada Unmantrananda

Why don't yogis eat chickens?
They have eggs in them!
Colleen's roomate at school made this joke up herself

What do you call a vegetarian who goes back to eating meat?
Someone who lost their veg-inity!
Inspired by Wastel

Meat-eater: Did you hear about the new study saying vegans are more likely to go blind? I guess it's because you don't get the proper nutrition.
Vegan: Nah, it's just from reading all of those tiny ingredients lists.
Nina

I'm not vegetarian because I love animals, I'm vegetarian because I don't like vegetables.
H.Ko.

Linda: Do you know what veganism is?
Jeff: No, tell me.
Linda: It means no eggs and no milk!
Jeff: Hmm, but how do you bread your steak?
H.Ko.

Kent: Tell me, how do you spice your veggie-burgers?
Linda: I don't know, but the main thing is that it mustn't taste good!
What did one vegetarian spy say to the other vegetarian spy?

We have to stop meating like this.
Scott

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
vegemike

I don't know about these people who call themselves vegetarians but eat eggs and dairy. I mean, I've heard of eggplants, but there no such thing as a cheesetree.
Tom responds:

What about milkweed?
A Seinfeldism pointed out by Peter B.

Isn't it wierd that we drink milk, stuff designed to nourish baby cows? How did that happen? Did some cattleman once say, "Oh, man, I can't wait till them calves are done so I can get me a hit of that stuff."
>From Melanie

A guy has celery sticking out of one ear, lettuce out of the other, and a zucchini up his nose.
He goes to the doctor and asks him what's wrong.

The doctor tells him, "Well, for one thing, you're not eating right."

On Eating People
Cleveland Amory

A missionary was walking in Africa when he heard the ominous sound of a lion behind him. "Oh Lord," prayed the missionary, "Grant in Thy goodness that the lion walking behind me is a good Christian lion." And then, in the silence that followed, the missionary heard the lion praying too: "Oh Lord," he prayed, "We thank Thee for the food which we are about to receive."
Seen on a message board

I follow a strict vegan diet. I eat only vegans.
A bumper sticker


Etan W.

Two chums were talking at a ballgame and one offered to buy the other a hotdog.
"No thanks," came the answer. "I'm a vegetarian. I mean, I'll eat a little white meat, but..."
"Oh, I understand. Hey, I'm no cannibal. I mean, I'll eat a few white people, but..."
Heard from Travis (who heard it from his astronomy teacher)

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
A bumper sticker

9 out of 10 cannibals agree--vegetarians taste better!
Yaron Livne from Israel

A vegetarian, a meat-eater, and a cannibal walk into a bar, the veg' orders a salad, the other orders a burger, than the bartender asks the cannibal "anything for you?", so he replies, "no thanks, i'll wait till they're done."
A cartoon, not a joke, but this will grow on you

I eat people

Hey, Mr. Monster! Why do you eat people?
Terrible Headlines
Restaurants Beef Up Vegetarian Menus (Wall Street Journal 91.10.15, p.B1)
Will McDonald's Beef Up Menu with Veggie Burger? (Boston Globe, 98.10.6, D1)
Beans Beef Up Vegetarian Meal (Boston Herald 94.2.9, p.57)
Strictly Vegetarian Trader Brings Home the Bacon (Los Angeles Times 88.8.21, p. 2)
I could go on, but I won't.
Very Punny
Etan W.

A vivisector is having a nightmare: lying on a cold steel table, he's going numb as a giant rat approaches with a large knife.
The rat says, "We are going to need those kidneys, my friend."
"Wait!" shouts the vivisector. "I understand that I'm going to die, but just tell me, is it for the good of humanity?"
"Something like that," the rat tells him with a smirk. "It's for the good of two manatees."
Fart jokes--be warned
All courtesy of Sarah and Tamara

Why does the vegan never get any play?
Because she/he has really bad gas.
Why do vegans wear snow camo?

So they don't get busted hijacking the Soy Delicious ice cream delivery truck.
How was the vegan busted hijacking the Soy Delicious delivery truck?

The FBI traced noxious fumes from the scene of the crime.
Why are vegans detrimental to the earth?

Because they produce immense amounts of methane.
Every so often (usually when I have something important I should be doing) I take the time to browse through the logs of my site--it is interesting to see what brings people here. Here's one I thought I'd share: http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=fart+a+lot+when+I+drink+soy+milk. I made it a link for you because if you're like me, you'll feel the urge to try this search for yourself (although it's not very exciting).

Anagrams
I used a fellow vegan's anagram server to come up with these.

Vegetarian =

I vent a rage.
A great vein
Eat vinegar.
Rage via 'net
Eat in grave.
A vegan rite
Irate vegan
Vegetarians =

Vegan satire
I avenge rats
Vegans are it!
Eat vegan sir.
The Blocked Vegetarian Perspective
Andrea saw this on a t-shirt

How many vegetables had to die for your stupid salad??
MikeY

How many vegetarians does it take to eat a cow?
One if nobody's looking.
Prashant A.

I was adding milk to my coffee when a vegan colleague said, "Do you know that milk belongs to a calf?"
If it hadn't have been first day at work, I'd have replied, "Relax, I already ate that calf for lunch."
Karen, Told by her husband and many others.

If animals aren't supposed to be eaten, then why are they made out of meat?
Julia's response

If humans aren't supposed to be eaten, then why are they made out of meat?
Joanna

My brother is a lacto-ovo-pesco-pollo-carne-vegetarian.
A bumper sticker

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian!