What should we say to a friend that comes over unexpectedly too often?

Question

My husband and I moved into our first apartment a few months ago. Our male friend (also married, we are also friends with his wife) stops by unannounced. Sometimes I am at home in my pajamas, sometimes we are asleep, and sometimes we're having a private moment or we just want to relax and watch a movie...or cook dinner for two, not three! Our friend will call and even if we do not answer, he will still stop by after he is done work. He finds excuses to come over such as "I just wanted to bring you some Pepsi." He's a great friend, but too clingy--and doesn't he have his own wife to go home to?

My husband and I just aren't comfortable with him intruding. We feel that most people would have gotten the idea after we stopped answering his phone calls when we do not want to be bothered. Should we say something to him? If so, what, and should I have to say it or should my husband? I have known this friend for about a year and a half, husband for about 7.

Answer 1

tell him the truth the truth will set you free tell him you want some alone time don't hold it i ok

Answer 2

Just stop answering the door. Or, if you think that is too rude, here is a great way to get him to stop. The next time he comes over, make it obvious that you were in the middle of a private moment, even if you weren't. Mess up your hair and come to the door half dressed and look really embarrassed. Your husband can come out of the room buttoning is pants and trying to put himself together. Make the visit really short and ackward, after awhile excuse yourself and leave and let your husband wrap up the visit. Then, your husband might try calling the guy and saying something about how you were really embarrassed and he needs to call before he comes over and if he doesn't get an answer, then he should consider you guys indisposed. It will probably embarass the guy so much that he will never come over again without calling.

Answer 3

You can do one of two options. Who ever is most comfortable with saying something to him should simply tell him. We do not have an open door policy, we appreciate for folks to call first and ensure it is ok to come over. Or you can simply stop answering the door. Or simply open the door and tell him that the two of you are not in the mood for entertaining company at the moment. A few times of this happening he will get the message. Whatever is most comfortable for you. I personally always tell people directly, call first. If you come unannounced you may not get it. I can sit on the couch and look at them through the door. I think coming unannounced is very rude and intrusive. I don't do it to others and I expect the same in return. I would not feel badly about it, he is the one being rude and insensitive. Good luck and God bless****

Answer 4

Well considering that I am exactly like your friend I think you should be nice to him. I come by my friends house with out calling first. I always bring food and drink, but I just don't think that it bothers other people. I don't think he is being rude, he just doesn't know. So I would pretend to be mad at something and in a joking way set ground rules that he must call ten minutes before he steps food in the house. Something like that which is fun and laughing, but also he should learn from it. If he does not then it is time to tell him that you need a little warning.
Good luck. Be nice to him, its Christmas.
B

Answer 5

This happens to me all the time. I usually just ignore them when they call and if they plan on coming anyway, I lock both of my doors and go on with my business. If you want them to think you still like them, then wait until nighttime to answer their calls and tell them that you were busy today or that you had a headache. If you don't like lying to people then I guess I can't really help you. In the end you are going to feel guilty but it's not your fault! You just want some privacy.

Answer 6

It doesn't sound like your friend takes hints very well . You're going to have to be to tactful yet blunt with him . You worded thing nicely above and I'm sure you will be able to find the words to tell him. I do think that you and your husband should tell him TOGETHER. That way he will know how you both feel and it won't seem one sided to him. A true friend should understand and respect your feelings. Good Luck !

Answer 7

There's no way around it except to get right to the point with him, but of course, in a nice way. Just tell him. Look, we think you are a great friend, but sometimes, we are just not in the mood for company. If we don't answer the phone, that means we are busy. If he is a good friend, he should not get offended, and if he does, he'll get over it. Good luck.

Answer 8

Your husband should definately tell him to quit being a pest. Its easy for men to talk to men about that stuff. Its not as if this guy is a relative, and he has a wife and home of his own, so yeah just tell him to quit coming over all the time.
If he's real sensitive or something, maybe talk to his wife about it and let her know how you feel. Let her tell him.

Answer 9

Well, there is always polite way to tell your friend that you also need your privacy and sometimes it will be better if he call first, you can also talk to his wife, explain the situation. If you don't say and if you don't ask you'll never know what will be the next to happen.

Answer 10

Your husband's friend. Did you see, You, Me and Dupree? What happened at the end? Would it help you?
Who knows, maybe things are not going great at his house. So he finds yours more comfortable. Ask him if you would like to have a threesome sometime, that might get the message across.

Answer 11

get a do not disturb sign from the local hotel, and hang it up for a while on the front door knob at the times he usually makes his swing by. then, don't answer the door. He'll get the hint finally.

if you keep feeding the stray dog in the neighborhood, he's just going to keep coming back.