My fiance' said something to me I just don't understand??????

Question

Last night my fiance' and I were at my place just talking and enjoying each other's company as we often do. We were talking about the death of my best friend's mom this week. I told him it was depressing me because of the sorry way my family informed me of my mother's death a few years ago. All I wanted him to do was to hold me and let me cry for a minute or two. That is all I wanted. Well, he starts yelling at me that I need to quit living in the past that I was 37 years old not 15! I tried to explain my reactions but he wouldn't listen saying " I don't want to hear it" Well I was in tears then and he said he loves me enough to tell me the truth not sugar coat it. And I just looked at him and told him I just need SOMEONE to understand my feelings . Now this is what I need to know he said "When you come out of the ether you'll know what I'm saying to you is the truth". Could somebody PLEASE tell me what that is supposed to mean? I would appreciate help with this! Thank you!♥

Answer 1

i am sorry for you, difficult to understand each other !!

like some pointed out maybe you spoke many times on the subject ... and he wanted something else (sex ?) , got frustrated and yelled ??!! because he saw your mood turning in a non sexual direction.

anyway speak again about it in another moment because it seems that after some years you are still not digesting the way it was announced to you. Try to get clarity on the subject.

For the man, if he want's sex, and you will turn your mood, his tolerance will be reduced ... this is how we function ... you woman make love in union, we want and ... take !! we compromise with all bla bla to a certain point ! sorry we are built like this. even if other speak in a more diplomatic manner and critisize other man calling them jerks or whatever they are already in the game of bla bla before sex. although they never saw you and are on internet typing answer in a funny yahoo answer game.

understanding each other is a challenge ...

good luck and forgive him ... he is , like me , just a man :-)

Answer 2

Depends, if you constantly get emotional like on a daily basis about something, he might be finally annoyed with it and probably snapped. BUT...he's still completely incompassionate as THAT'S YOUR mother, if i lost my mother, i don't give a rats behind if i was 50 i'm still gonna mourn regardless, there are some people that you just CANNOT do without, i don't care what anyone says on that...so you have every right to mourn over it, but there IS such thing as doing things in excess.

What he MEANT was if you come out of your self-pity shell you'll finally realize that living in the past doesn't make anything better, and that you have to live for what you have now, rather than mull over things that have been and are now gone. I've been that speech before myself actually, from my poppa.

It's one thing to tell the truth, but you can tell the truth with some damn compassion and empathy is a better way. But aside from that you'll have to FORCE yourself to let go of such a negative past, cause if you indulge in it, the depression and what not will pretty much consume you and your life. Misery loves company, and it's an unwanted company, so dont' let it push away those who care (or supposedly care) by going over it 1000 times over.

Answer 3

You do realize you were taking to a guy right? Tell me you didn't forget this simple fact? It is a well known and published fact that men are not thinking from the emotional side of the brain as the woman does. If you were looking for him to understand and hold you and let you cry, you blew it. We are fix it people. We don't think like you. Men are from Mars, as the book suggests, specifically due to this type of situation. Softly tell him that you wanted to vent and just wanted him to hold you for a minute. Next time, I suggest you tell him this FIRST and then try to tap his emotional side. Let him know what response you are looking for. Good Luck.

Answer 4

Men usually say what they say.. that means they say what they mean.. Men and women react in different ways to different situation becoz we are made that way.. He just meant that He loves you and he is always straight in what he is sayin...u are not supposed to dwell on the past.. What has happend will never come back.. Pls let you boy friend know.. that you want him to be with you.. Just hold u.. that u could express ur emotions...
Just tell him if he doesnt understan what u feel.. dont think that he will understand.. Men dont thi nk like women do..SO Im sorry that u wanted to be loved and wanted to just cry with him.. so just i apologize on his behalf

Answer 5

that is extremely a lot repetition of what anybody else has reported, yet you need to call it off until eventually he realizes the magnitude of the position you stand and calls off the roommates. Me and my husband had roommates residing with us in the course of the start of my being pregnant. It began as one chum wanting an section for 2 months at the same time as they were given on their ft. Then they extra 2 extra human beings, a coupke, who had important topics and were doing drugs. And that 2 months grew to change into into 5 months until eventually we had to get them out, and it replaced into gruesome. We ended up having to get the police officials in touch. We argued perpetually and once the roommates were lengthy gone we realized the stress and pressure on our courting replaced into basically because of them. Y'all being a clean couple which have not lived at the same time lengthy, that's going to likely be confusing. you'd be needing on my own time you'd be unable to get and from how your fiance sound, basically assuming, he shall be spending extra time tending to his associates than to ya'lls courting at the same time.

Answer 6

Ether i think was is a gas that can be used to induce a dreamlike state - i.e not reality , so what I'm guessing he meant was you're living in a dreamworld and when you come out of it and face reality you will see that what he was saying (re stop living in the past it's bad for you) is true. seems a bit harsh but don't know your situation

Answer 7

You're dragging up a lot of pain. He wants to handle the pain in his way without it being thrown in his face. His way is to look to the future and put the past to bed the best way he can.
Everytime you speak of death, you make him think back. Your boyfriend is a strong man but he's handling his grief quietly. Life must go on.

Answer 8

he was an a**hole. it has nothing to do with how men and women express feelings, nor with living in the past, please-you have remembered your mother, its not something you should leave behind you. i mean life goes on, and it shouldn't be on the way to your happiness, but things are going to remind you of her, you are going to miss her, and every now and than have a tear. perfectly normal. it means that you should be careful, and ask yourself weather he had similar outbursts before, cuz it sounds as if he was at least insensitive and disrespectful.

Answer 9

He sounds like a jerk. Anyone who has lost their mom (I have as well) realizes that it is vert traumatic. You may always grieve that. It has been just about 2 years now for me and I still grieve. I live my life and take care of my daughter, but sometimes......I still need to break down and cry for her and miss her on the outside instead of just on the inside. There is nothing wrong with that. It is normal. Your fiance needs to be more understanding. God forbid, but one day, he will lose his mom too. And then he will understand. Its not childish either, and maybe you shoould remind him of that.

Answer 10

he's insensitive! of course you're having a strange reaction, considering all the old feelings this event dredged up. he had no right to get angry with you for needing the man you plan to spend your life with to hold you while you cried. i say you should sit him down and explain to him (without getting emotional) how he made you feel. when you get emotional, alot of men kind of just turn off. so stay calm. and ask him what on earth he meant by that comment.