My mum who has bin married with my dad for 25 years is having an affair outside with a msian guy for the past 1 year.She even went overseas with him and talk on the phone with him daily. My dad knew abt this was sad n hurt.He still loves her despite how my mum ignored him. I felt sad that i couldnt help my dad as he told me as long as my mum is happy he dont mind. He told me no point quarrelling or even have a divorce. Everyday, when i see my mum chatting on the phone with that msian guy i juz simply hate it so much i hate her for hurting my dad. I had even once msg her telling that i felt sad n hurt the way she was doing to my dad. But, there was no response or even reaction taken place. I have given up hopes on her.
2006-12-20 23:08:32 · 19 answers · asked by Endless 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Hello. Firstly very sorry to hear about this situation, can imagine how much it must hurt you, also when you think about your Dad.
At the end of the day, they are probably still together for you and to keep the family together, so you have both a mum and dad figure in your life.
What your mum is doing IS selfish, as she is obviously just thinking about her own feelings, and not about yours or your Dads pain.
OK, so they obviously have difficulties in the marriage, so she is looking for something else. But she should not being doing this infront of you all - it is not decent.
Can you speak with another member of your family about what is happening, perhaps they might approach her about this?
How old are you? If you didnt want to get involved and stay out of all this, peraps you may want to move out? At the same time, your Dad has done nothing wrong, support him and maintain a nice relationship, as he must also be feeling quite alone at this moment!
It's a hard situation to go through, I wish you all well, and hope it works out for your family.
2006-12-20 23:15:59 · answer #1 · answered by GuessWho 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with the previous answer that you shouldn't hate your mum, but you don't have to agree with her decisions. There are always things in a marriage or relationship that other people don't know about. I'm not saying her decision is OK, but your dad's reaction should give you a hint that something about their relationship is different than what you might understand. It is probably best if you let your parents decide how to handle this. You can tell your mum you don't approve but don't expect her to change her behavior. I would also stop talking to your dad about it because it probably hurts him to talk about it and it is probably best to just be there for him and let him know you love him. It must be really sad to go through this during the holidays. I hope things get better for all of you.
2006-12-21 07:19:59 · answer #2 · answered by wolfmusic 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cant help the way that you feel. Understand that. But, you need to realize that it is between your mum and dad, and not you. The best thing you could do right now, is try to love your mum unconditionally. Obviously she isnt making the best decisions right now, and she is unhappy with her married life. Loving her, and being there for her, will remind her that her family is much more important that the life she is searching for. She needs you right now. Talk to your dad about it, tell him how you feel about it. And, see if together you can step up your relationship with her, to make her feel more cherished and loved and wanted. She mustnt be feeling that, if she is looking elsewhere for that love and affection. But, try not to hate her. As mothers we dont always do what is right, we do make mistakes. But, we have to be very very miserable to make such a big one like this. Just remind her that you love her. And, I know that you do, because otherwise you wouldnt be as hurt as you are. Good luck to you. Forgiveness will come in time. But, she is your mum, and she loves you back. Love hurts, but it can overcome anything. Good Luck!
2006-12-21 07:59:26 · answer #3 · answered by thelaundryfairy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Continue to love your mom, because you don't know the history of your parents, and you don't know what happen in the past. I think that you should catch your mom in a quite moment and let her know how much it hurts you to see her act in the way that she does, at least don't make it so obvious because it hurts you so much and makes you hate her. A lot of times communication is the key to making life go a little easier. Sorry about the world of hurt that you are in right now.
2006-12-21 07:41:42 · answer #4 · answered by stringhead3 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi,
I dont know what religion you have.. but in this situation, it's really best for you to keep praying. There is a greater force in this world than ourselves. Keep believing that everything is happened for each of us to learn something.
The best thing you can do right now is to support your dad continuously. If this is hard for you, imagine how hard it is for your dad. Try to support him in every way you could, talk to him often, avoid any arguments with your mom, and keep praying for him that God grant him the strength to hang in there and never give up.
My prayer will be with you too.
Hang in there.
2006-12-21 07:17:22 · answer #5 · answered by Sea 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hey,this is the kind of thing that if left alone can affect your whole perception of wives and marriage.
i suggest you talk to your mum,confront her, dont stop at just a message.let her know how hurt and disappointed you are in her.if she still doesnt react,let her be.at least you have said your part.she is still ur mum but let her not expect any love from you.
Concentrate on your life and your dad,if he is fine with it so will you,with time
Do not let her ruin your life!
2006-12-21 07:25:49 · answer #6 · answered by Fresh and Funky 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your mom may or could be wrong but there is a certain relationship and principle you should never break . you may point out to her that she is wrong and you do not approve of what she is doing, that indeed she is defiling her marriage bed and committing adultery and would have to answer for her sins. however you must say this in love and with respect because we are commanded to honour our father and mother that our days may be long on this earth. one commandment of God that has an explicit promise. try not to hate her and pray for her rather, cos she could be just submitting to the desires of the flesh. it has been shown that if you seek o condemn without understanding especially people who love you, you are prone to falling in the same sin and problem that beset them.
respect her as your mum, honour her when you have to, pray for her to change her ways BUT do not relate to her out of hate , despisement and condemnation as you do not have that right. that is between God and your mum.
2006-12-21 07:33:52 · answer #7 · answered by onukpa 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I hate to tell you this... But, this is something that is between your Mother and Father. She is still your Mother and always will be, you need to try and respect her for that atleast. My Mother died in my arms 2 years ago and there are numerous things that I wish I had done differently now. Always try to be the better person in every situation and it will make your life a better one. I hope for only the best for you and your family!
2006-12-21 07:16:13 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First, you have no reason to hate her, because she is your mum.
I know it is so painful when you are in this situation.
But don't get involve of it. Because sometime it is so hard to understand about the relationship of two people.
What I recommend you is to stand by or support your dad.
I am sure he know what he suppose to do.
For you, just concentrate about your study and life, don't mess up
2006-12-21 07:22:24 · answer #9 · answered by Sean 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
someone suggested that your parents may have issues beyond what you are aware of. support & love them both during this difficult time. their lives are so much bigger than this marriage. look at aspects outside of their marriage that you love about them. hating her (and treating her that way) will make it harder for her to come back to the family if she gets her act together. we all make messed up, painful decisions that hurt the people we love. think about how much your family's continued love has meant to you at a time like that.
2006-12-21 09:23:02 · answer #10 · answered by L. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋