Hi
i'm giving a presentation at 12 ans i need some xmas jokes, nothing too rude please
thanks
2006-12-20 21:49:02 · 16 answers · asked by murphy 4 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
thanks i have some ideas now, will award the points to whoever's joke gets the biggest laugh
2006-12-20 22:45:57 · update #1
Three men have just died and they find themselves outside the Pearly Gates and St Peter is there.
He says to them "You are all borderline cases but because it is almost Christmas I will let you into heaven if you take an article out of your pocket and explain why it's relevant to Christmas".
So, The first man digs around in his pocket and takes out a cigarette lighter and flicks it on.
"It's a Christmas candle!" he says.
"Come in!" says St Peter.
The second fellow takes some car keys out of his pocket and jingles them. "Christmas bells!" he says.
"Enter!" says St Peter.
The third man looks a bit embarrassed and eventually he shamefacedly takes out from his pocket a pair of women's panties.
"What are those, then?" asks St Peter.
"Well," says the man "they're Carol's".
2006-12-20 21:55:26 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 3⤋
Little boy is riding his bike down the street and stops at the intersection.
A cop on a horse rides up next to him looks down and says "Wow, that's a really nice bike did Santa bring you that for Christmas?".
Little boy proud as could be looks up and says "he sure did".
Cop leans down and gives the boy a ticket and says "well next year tell Santa to put some reflectors on that bike".
Boy looks at the ticket then looks up at the cop and says "did Santa bring you that horse for Christmas? ".
Cop looks down with a smug grin on his face and replys "he sure did".
The boy looks up at the cop and says "well next year tell him the dic goes on the bottom not on top".
2006-12-21 08:36:43 · answer #2 · answered by Sviatlana 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Q. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?
A. Their balls are just for decoration.
P.S. I hope this one is not too rude. And Merry Xmas to you too
2006-12-21 06:15:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 7⤊ 0⤋
Mrs Claus hears a sound on the roof and asks Santa, "What was that sound?" Santa says "That was just a little rain, dear"
Justin
2006-12-21 07:51:49 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Two snowmen in a field. One of them says to the other one 'Can you smell carrots?'
This joke has been around a lot but I love it and it's very festive!
2006-12-21 06:39:04 · answer #5 · answered by gymcoach81 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
This is for markhette as well!
Q. Whats the difference between a snowman and a snow-woman?
A. Snowballs!
2006-12-21 08:34:55 · answer #6 · answered by Chester Copperpot 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Q. What do Santa's reindeer get for lunch
A. Half and hour like everybody else
2006-12-21 05:54:28 · answer #7 · answered by Loader2000 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i have some here-
http://www.people.cornell.edu/pages/bs16/Jokes-christmas.html
but listen some are rude
merry x-mas
2006-12-21 09:53:15 · answer #8 · answered by victim-snatcher 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How does santa like his Pizza ?.......Deep pan crisp and even !!!
2006-12-21 06:41:51 · answer #9 · answered by hbk13 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I don't care who you are FATSO, get those Reindeer off my roof
2006-12-21 06:56:45 · answer #10 · answered by edwin4208 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋