My daughter & her boyfriend have a 7 month old baby. The boyfriend has a problem with drugs. This is a fact. My daughter has done them; she maintains she's drug free now. She has been acting suspiciously. Both love their baby and are TRYING to take care of her. But in my honest opinion they are doing a fairly poor job of it. What's more, there are some instances where I believe their behaviors could be endangering my grandbaby's health & safety. I know the decision to call for outside help is mine. But my question is---Is it wrong for me to do so? Will I be betraying my daughter and her trust? Or will I be making a bigger mistake by not doing something? At one point she was in counseling and she's quit that. I seriously need some feedback from other parents.... and even children, I guess. I don't want to hurt my kid..... But even more...I also don't want to see anything bad happen to my granddaughter. They were living with me up to 2 days ago and I had to throw them out.
2006-12-20 18:42:43 · 31 answers · asked by Brenda 6 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
Hmmm, let me put this in basic terms to make sure I understand.
You have an adult child, one that should be fully capable of taking care of herself and a child of her own that is not doing so.
You have a 7 month old grandbaby that is not able to take care of themselves.
You want to know if it would be wrong for you to make sure the helpless child is taken care of?
Nope. You do not owe your adult child a pass on charges if she is neglecting the baby, she is old enough to control her own actions.
You DO owe the baby your protection since she cannot provide her own and her mother/father are not providing it for her.
It's a pretty simple question to answer when you take out the emotional component.
Good luck Brenda, I really hope this helps, and doGbless you for trying to do the right thing.
2006-12-20 18:48:05 · answer #1 · answered by Star 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry for your situation, during what should be a time of great joy.
Something to keep in mind about child protective services:
Can they do a better job than is being done for the child now? Remember, CPS is not some magical force that has loving parents waiting to take in foster kids, wise ways to reach bad parents, nor even enough workers to give any case adequate attention. However, mention drugs and the police are now involved, too.
What can the police offer for help? All they can do is arrest and set people up for trials and expenses and loss of freedom. They can offer nothing, really, but they will be the agency that arrives full force and fully interfering. They don't care about helping, because that's not their job. Their job is arresting.
What 'drugs" does your granddaughter's father have a problem with? If they smoke dope and you want to report them for that, you would be ruining a lot of people's lives for basically nothing. If he uses cocaine or alcohol or other dangerous drugs, an intervention might be more useful than arrests/child welfare.
I guess I can't understand putting out of my house a 7 month old grandchild whose safety I was worried about. How does this compute?
To sum up - bringing the govt into your family is sometimes vital to protect the health and welfare of children. Many many times, however, the state comes in and inflicts more damage.
I don't think the issue to resolve is whether it's right to call for help. As everyone's said here - it's imperative for you to help your granddaughter. The question is - is getting the govt involved going to help or hurt?
Police records and drug charges will cut off future opportunities. The expenses involved will be crippling.
A 7 month old being whisked away from mommy and put in a series of foster homes will be severely damaged by that, let alone what else is happening. And, mention drugs and that kid will get taken away. You probably won't be able to get custody if you just call and start talking about drugs having been in YOUR OWN HOUSE - and custody, I would think, would be the only course a grandparent could want, as you know it is bad for the baby to be with multiple caregivers.
So, the question is not whether to do something that will hurt your daughter's feelings but whether or not your plan would actually help.
My father was a severely abused child who longed for someone to call CPS. My parents were foster parents to a girl whose crack/alcohol addicted mom lost custody. The state can help. But, you must be realistic about what your specific town/county/state will do and provide. Sometimes, they bring nothing but more problems.
Talking anonymously with CPS on the phone first might be helpful.
Best wishes.
2006-12-21 00:36:14 · answer #2 · answered by cassandra 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay there is a 7 month old helpless child in this situation. Your daughter is grown and responsible for her own actions.
This should not be a hard thing to do when there is a child involved. A child who did not ask to come into this world. Do you know how many children have lost their fate because someone chose to ignore rather than to help? I am sure you watch the news right?
If you feel that your granddaughter is in jeopardy, muster up some of that Tough Love and call the protective authorities.
Your daughter may feel betrayed (she'll get over it) but maybe this is just the wake up call that she needs.
2006-12-21 00:20:54 · answer #3 · answered by sugar_pink_candy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the problems were bad enough that you had to throw them out, then they're bad enough to affect a baby. I say go for it, as long as your willing to become the guardian for that baby. I know a family in a similar situation. The girl and her boyfriend have a 6 month old baby. The boyfriend is an alcoholic, drug addict abuser. He has left bruises on the girl and doesn't contribute time or money to the girl or the baby. The girl moved back in with her parents, but continued to see him and take the baby over to his house, which was littered with trash and animal waste. Her parents repeatedly tried to help her, but it didn't work. Finally her parents filed for custody of the child, and they have just been granted residential custody. The girl is free to take the baby where she wants, but not to the father's house, and she cannot move the baby out. She is free to move away from her parents, but the baby stays. It's a sad situation, but the best for the baby. Please go with your gut on this one. You might hurt your relationship with your daughter, but remember she has the ability to make her own choices-the baby does not. I hope you have a happy holiday.
2006-12-21 01:13:14 · answer #4 · answered by oj 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont think there is anything wrong with it. Someone said 'dont do that to your daughter', however, in the event that your grandbaby is being neglected, then what do you think the child is going through?? If there is neglection going on, then child protective services will do something, if not then they will close the case. Better safe than sorry. I think there should be more people in the world like you. Plenty of my friends suck at being parents and makes their parents take care of their kids and they just let them walk all over them. There should be more parents like you who will do what it takes to make their children realize they need to grow up. Your innocent grandbaby comes first now... Why dont you offer to take in their daughter or even just your daughter and her baby ( not the father if he is on drugs)...offer to really help her, if she doesn't want to accept...then you gotta do what you gotta do!
2006-12-20 18:50:47 · answer #5 · answered by ღ♥ Katie ♥ღ 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, it's not wrong and it may be the only way your daughter will seek help. She needs a BIG wake up call. Otherwise the cycle may be repeated. A child is innocent and needs to be protected, I think it's wrong not to report it. You can report it anonymously. At least then the authorities can look into the situation. If you feel your grand daughter is in danger and you don't report it will you be able to live with yourself if something happens to her.
2006-12-20 21:55:01 · answer #6 · answered by Proud to be APBT 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let's see now...Your adult daughter and her bf have a child, and they are involved with drugs. You risk ostracization if you report them, and risk being arrested and charged yourself, based on your knowledge of the facts, if you don't--and anything happens to the baby. Best make sure of your proof, but if it were me, I'd be reporting them to the authorities, as this is a serious form of child endangerment. Plus--if they were reported, they could not only get the help needed, but be made to go to counseling--or face jail and the loss of their daughter if they choose not to. This is a rough road ahead, but the ultimate choice is for the granddaughter. Good luck.
2006-12-20 19:17:36 · answer #7 · answered by Mudcat007 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if u r so concerned about your daughter and granddaughter, why did u throw them out. if anything your family needs u more than ever. please don't abandon them when they need u most, especially the baby. where are they living now? the help your daughter needs is a stable place for her and the baby to live. she may also need help in finding a new conseling place and maybe take some parenting classes.
if u r trully concerned for your grandbaby turn them in anonymously. than be prepared to offer to take custody of the baby if dss takes the baby away.
2006-12-20 22:59:52 · answer #8 · answered by Miki 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
certainly no longer, you ought to do what's interior the infants suitable activity!! lacking college (for no reason) undesirable food, spankings that pass away marks is basically the begging of what those childrens are dealing with!!! those childrens must be in a secure enviroment the place they are watched and fed and dealt with 24/7...and it does not sound like they are. i understand too many situations the place people puzzled in the event that they ought to assert something and it replaced into too previous due whilst they did (occasion) father gets a decision saying that infants have been walking down the line walking there canines 8 at evening without footwear 4- 2 a million/2 and robust semertain held them in his automobile till police have been given there and that they only way they might locate the mother and father replaced into via a canines tag! Do what your intestine tells you!
2016-10-15 08:51:03 · answer #9 · answered by millie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would report them. Your daughter and her boyfriend make their own decisions and you grand-daughter will need someone in her life that will make the right ones. Get evidence to prove they are unfit parents and go for full custody. It may even help your daughter realise and become a better person. Look after your family and good luck.
2006-12-20 23:50:50 · answer #10 · answered by raadsgirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋