My fiance and his mother have a really bad relationship. She strung him through a series of abusive husbands and a horrible family life. We have a 3 month old now, and she's only seen him once and has no pics of him. On the other hand, she has only called once about him and seems pretty obsessed with making her current b/f happy, although he's pretty abusive to her too. I agreed not to let her have the baby alone at her house (don't trust her b/f, and she is a little off) but I still feel bad about not taking the initiative to invite her over. Although she and her former lovers did a lot of really bad things to him in the past, should I call her or leave that to him? My family and I are pretty close, and I wouldn't know how to handle this situation. He thinks she will give him a lot of bad ideas because she does tend to lie a lot and distort what happened to him as a child, and I've heard these things about her from a lot of other people so I don't think it's a biased opinion.
2006-12-20 16:12:33 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
By the way, even though she doesn't call, I've run into her several times and she always asks to see him. I always tell her to call my fiance to see when is best so I'm not making decisions I shouldn't be, but she never calls, so I wonder if she really wants to see him or if it's just a passing thing cuz she happened to see me in the store or something.
2006-12-20 16:25:49 · update #1
my mom threw me to the street when i was 16 because my so called step father hit me and i hit him back..i have 2 kids and she'll NEVER see them..i know hes your fiance but leave him be on this one
2006-12-20 16:16:15 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
He has a pretty good reason not to want his kid anywhere near his mom or her boyfriend. Guys who are abusive toward their girlfriends would have no problem using someone else's baby for a punching bag. He's doing the right thing by the baby keeping him away from a bad situation like that and if you had one iota of common sense you would make sure to put as much distance between you and the mother as well.
2006-12-20 22:28:02 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
why on Earth would you want to expose your child to this woman? She cerainly doesn't sound like she would be a good influance on your child, doesn't at all sound grandmotherly- ON TOP of the fact that she was a terrible mother. The best prediction of what a person will do in the future- is how they did in the past. If she was a jerk to her son- she'll be a jerk to your kid too. Your fiancee knows what he's talking about. Let him deal with her, and dont arrange any visits without his ok first.
2006-12-20 17:52:16 · answer #3 · answered by Penny P 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well
i believe that you should just let your fiance deal with this whole situation because it is his mom. there must be a reason why he doesnt want her to see your kid. im sure if it was the other way around he would let you decide what to do. so just give all of this time you never know he might change his mind but until then just let him chose whether or not his mom can see your guys kid... cuz like everyone is saying he does know her better than you do
2006-12-20 16:36:16 · answer #4 · answered by Sam 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This issue should be left to your fiance and his mother. She's not acting particularly interested in seeing your child or repairing, or even acknowledging, the damage she has caused in the past. It would more likely cause friction between you and your fiance if you contact his mother and try to initiate anything. In fact, don't even bring the subject up anymore. He is well aware of the distance between his mother and him and will close the gap if/when he is ready.
2006-12-20 16:26:36 · answer #5 · answered by Laura Renee 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let him decide. You weren't there for what he went through. He knows her better. If he's really against it, let it go. He shouldn't have to relive having her around and exposing his own child. Ask him if you can invite her over but chances are-sadly-your child could be better off without her. Be thankful your family is close.
2006-12-20 16:17:31 · answer #6 · answered by Dreaming Dragon 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I hate to say it but he probably knows his mother a lot better than you do. I would let him call her and heal the rift himself. If you force it on him he will feel betrayed by you and will resent you. If he starts to resent you then it will only undermine your relationship.
As the man of the house he is supposed to protect you and his family, if he feels that is protecting his family then let him be a man and respect him for it.
2006-12-20 16:20:34 · answer #7 · answered by Lib 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have learned there are sometimes you'd best give up the idea that just because your family was happy, others are too. You can't fix them either. He knows her best. She sounds like her plane overshot the runway. That jerk-or the next one she finds-could jeopardize your baby. Listen to him & back off! Make him a NEW happy family!
2006-12-20 16:17:57 · answer #8 · answered by life coach 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should respect your fiance's wishes to have as little contact as possible, even though it makes you feel sad, trust him on this one. You can't fix everything, so focus on what you can, your baby and your fiance. You don't need to be rude to her by any means, but trust your fiance. A man needs to know his future wife believes him and trusts in his judgement.
2006-12-20 16:16:42 · answer #9 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sound like he wants what's best for your child. If that means she doesn't get to see him, then that's it. Besides if she really cared, she would be trying to do anything she could to see him. Trust your fiance.
2006-12-20 20:02:41 · answer #10 · answered by roxanne 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋