I'm having my second baby and not excited about it. How do i deal?

Question

I've had depression for a very long time and i'm taking two different types of anitdepressants and an anti anxiety medication to try and cope with this pregnancy. The problem is, i have a daughter who just turned 1 and i wasn't actually happy to have her in my life until she was 9 months old. We got pregnant very quickly when we decided to try again, which i wasn't totally on board for in the first place. Honestly, we are an LDS family and we had the feeling that we should have another baby. So now i'm 11 weeks and i've been hoping for a miscarriage the entire time. i feel to awful about it because i know we are doing the right thing, but i'm very overwhelmed and i'm only 21. Is there anyone else who has felt this way because i feel crazy and guilty every day and i'm on every medication i'm allowed to take. I don't know what to do. If anyone has any thoughts or has ever been in this situation, i would love to hear from you. Thanks!

Answer 1

Remember, sweetie, that Heavenly Father doesn't give us what we ask for, He gives us what we need.
Right now, it's His plan for you to look after another of His children, because He knows that you can do it...He made you and knows what you are capable of.

I know that is probably not the best answer to your situation, but all you can do is trust that He will look after you.

Have you spoken, or can you talk, to your bishop/branch president? He will be able to refer you to the Church's counselling services, and perhaps give you a blessing?

You are young, and under a lot of pressure with your life, so I'm not surprised that you feel overwhelmed- wow I wasn't going to switch the computer back on this late at night, but I did and yours was the first question that I saw- but you CAN cope with this.

Have you had counselling for your depression?
I know that counselling helped me, although, mine wasn't post natal- it was just life depressing me, but I can say that 2 LDS counsellors and one non-LDS counsellor was fantastic for me, and I had blessing whenever I needed them...
Remember to pray, and have faith!

I wish you well, honey!
Feel free to contact me if you want to talk about anything :)

♥Pamela♥

Answer 2

Please speak with your DR. I am also on antidepresents and I seldomly take anxiety meds. I have two children a three and a half year old and a 5 month old. I am 22 years old. I refused to take meds while I was pregnant and that was hard. However I was managable. I did have an anxiety attack at the end of my second pregnancy and was given xanax and then sent home with valium for if it happened again however after I did research I found neither of these are safe for baby. The dr's explination to me was that they felt it was safer and worth the risk for the situation I was in??? Not exactly sure why I wasnt informed of the choice but it happened and I did not take another pill. The point of that was to tell you make sure you check and do your own research. If you think you are not ready for a baby but it could just be your depression I would have to say I really doubt your meds are working properly. There are a few they think are safe with pregnancy check it out. They just dont have much research. This baby is going to come into the world innocent. You need to decide if you are ready to be a mom again. Too much stress can hurt the baby too! Also, Keep your head up all you can do right now is make the best of the situation. Be sure to talk openly about your feelings with your doctor and partner! Good Luck you will make a wonderfull mommy and there will be time for you when your kids are grown! Enjoy every moment it goes really fast.

Answer 3

Wow... I'm sorry that this is how you feel. I know how crappy it feels, too, though, from personal experience.

I'm going through pregnancy depression, and went through HORRIBLE postpartum depression with my son. Like you, it took me several months to actually bond with my son, because of the anxiety and depression.

This is a chemical problem, and it's not your fault. You just haven't found the meds that work the best for you. Unfortunately, while you're pregnant, you cannot take much of anything.

I'm pregnant with my second, and I'm not very excited about it, either. I loved him or her from the moment I found out that I was pregnant, but I'm scared. Am I going to be able to handle TWO children? There were times I felt that I couldn't even handle ONE.

Your husband does not need to be the only person making these decisions. They are your decisions, too, and more importantly, it's YOUR body.

The cool part about having a second baby, though, is this:

Sometimes, if the first pregnancy left you an anxious, emotional train-wreck, sometimes, having a second can level the playing field a little.

Try to relax, but if these feelings are too overwhelming, I would suggest talking them over with your doctor.

Answer 4

There is an old saying about stress and the desire to do something being thwarted.

The point is that you didn't want children, or perhaps you wanted time to think and find a way to accept yourself in this married life; and here comes your husband, and the entire weight and culture of the LDS and of course you love him, and maybe it's just something wrong with you, so get pregnant, have the babe, take 9 months to accept that this is really your life now, and the child is not to blame, so now you accept her and you are ready to walk this road and then BLAM, the old LDS, and, of course, loving husband and devout LDS that he is, explains that we are young and married and fertile in god's eyes and now we need to have another one, and the doc just fixes you up so you don't do anything rash like tell anyone that this isn't what you want with your life, because it is your life, but no, not now, now it is the mom's life, and the new kid's life and the devout LDS life, and if you just keep taking those pills you will not have to feel anything about yourself or your situation or your real desires and .............

And it goes on and on and on.

Has anyone gotten around to telling you just to read the book of mormon and talk to your pastor and you will soon feel all better?

That is superstitious crap.

You need to do a couple of things for yourself. First, understand that you are a real person who has the right to have feelings and desires and who does not need to say yes when she means no. You have no need to feel guilty, except that those who are controlling your life, getting you pregnant which you were NOT "totally on board for in the first place" are convincing you that this is the right thing to do?

If you don't want the drugs and the depression, you need to recognize that it is not wrong, it is not immoral, to have your own feelings and to act on them.

Next, start to exercise a little, and get some sunshine, this will make you feel better. You need to feel a little better once in a while.

Talk to your doctor about facing your feelings, about standing up for yourself, and about the fact that it was your husband and the LDS who decided on your two pregnancies and the shape of your life so far.

Talk about getting an abortion. Perhaps, you might talk about what in this life will make you happy. Forget about the LDS, the husband, the kids. Focus on what you need to be yourself, so that you are not feeling so empty anymore.

Anyway, recognize that you don't want the situation you are in, and trying to force yourself to accept it is causing this misery and pain. Try to see a situation where you are happy, then see what it might take to build that situation.

Long road ahead, I know, but if you take the first step, and then you are moving forward and the road becomes a little easier.

good luck.

Answer 5

Have you spoken to your doctor about this?

He may be able to refer you to a councellor who specialises in Post Natal Depression.

I have never experienced post natal depression, therefore I cannot give you any advice in this situation, apart from knowing with other women who have experienced it that I know, is that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

I really hope that you can find some resolution for yourself and that you start to feel better soon.

What you need right now is some understanding and compassion and hopefully there is someone who can give you some solace.

If you need to talk please feel free to email me, even it's just to vent your frustrations.

Answer 6

hey we are an LDS family too. I've been through what your going through, but single and alone (this was a while back). The church has a wonderful adoption program that you can look into. I know all about it. Email me for more info. i'd be happy to help.

Answer 7

hi honey. you really should talk to your doctor about these feelings you are having about this pregnancy. you shouldnt be taking those meds when you are pregnant, it can damage the baby and make them have problems in the future. if you are planning on not having an abortion and actually keeping the baby then you should ask the doctor if you can wean yourself off those meds and get some help. you can take coulseling. that helps with everything. good luck. my prayers are with you honey!

Answer 8

1.Seek counseling.2. Welfare will help you with a home , foods, and moneys, to buy clothes, furniture, and medical.3. Also adoption will let another parent love, and take care of it, with even money in your pocket to take care of the one you had first.4. A MOTHER CAN TAKE CARE OF 100 KIDS, BUT 100 KIDS CANNOT TAKE CARE OF ONE MOTHER.5. The choice is your love it, or abuse it, but don,t kill it please.

Answer 9

don't hope for a miscarriage because I'm sorry but hey ruin that baby's life. You should have the baby and try hard to be happy because you never know they could grow to be a healthy and very successful baby so please don't hope for the worst but hope for the best. and if you must put them for adoption but stay in touch because they would love that. i know and try to be happy please and keep your baby healthy. PLEASE DON'T EVEN THINK OF ABORTION. thank you

Answer 10

If you are not happy now you will probably never be. For your kids sake give them up to family or proper adoption. Your kids don't deserve your sad misguided depression. You are taking your mental instabilities out of your kids and if you didn't love the kids from the moment you knew you were pregnant then you don't deserve to be a mother. I know this isn't helping, but you have an ultimate choice to be happy and "medication"....... Come on is it really that devastating to have kids and if it is give them up for their well being. Think of the kids first.....