My fiance and I are atheist, but we don't want to ruin holidays for our kids. We get them presents, set up a tree, the whole shebang, but we don't really understand why, other than to prevent hurting our kids when the other kids get presents at this time of year. Although we love getting our kids gifts, we worry that they will become very materialistic, and two weeks into December, we both become very sick of the constant saturation of Christmas commercials that seem to send the wrong message (Buy them this! Buy them that! You're a bad parent if you don't spend hundreds of dollars at Christmas) Should we continue with the tree, dinner, and a few modest gifts, or are we being hypocritical? I don't want to offend any Christians on their holiday.
2006-12-20 15:26:46 · 37 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Christmas has become such a commercialized holiday, I don't believe it's hypocritical for you to celebrate the nonreligious aspects with your kids.
As for getting the right message, make Christmas a time for donating as well as receiving gifts. Don't give mindlessly, and if your kids are old enough, get them involved. Set aside a certain amount of money (a hundred bucks per family member?) and have each child think carefully about what to do with it. Would they like to support something local, national or international? Would they like to put the money toward eradicating hunger or disease, or toward providing a good holiday for poor children? Do they want their money to be a tiny drop in the bucket, like if they gave to the Gates foundation? Or would they like their money to make a big difference, like in choosing a name off of a gift tree and buying something for an individual child?
Thinking about all of the opportunities to help others might get your kids into the true spirit of the holiday.
2006-12-20 15:42:04 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
In high school, I had friends from other countries and of other religions who still celebrated Christmas with a tree and presents. I think you can still celebrate Christmas without being Christian and without being hypocritical. You can look at Christmas as a time to celebrate love and family, and that's what it's really supposed to be about--not materialism. If you don't want to feel like you're spoiling your kids at Christmas time, I think a few modest gifts are totally appropriate as a way to show your love and appreciation for each other. You can make the day about family, not religion, and sharing gifts and having dinner together are a good way to celebrate and enjoy each other's company.
2006-12-20 15:35:15 · answer #2 · answered by cg17 4 · 7⤊ 0⤋
I like most of the answers you are receiving for your question. You and your fiance can still celebrate the holiday- with gift giving and with the treats associated with Christmas. This could include the tree, too. How old are your kids? Are they old enough to sit and discuss your beliefs with them? If they are, start early- like in October when the decorations go up. Tell them what you both believe. They do not have to follow your beliefs, but respect them. The gift giving part of Christmas can be fun and rewarding. The ideas surrounding Christmas deal with sharing with others who may not be as fortunate as you and your family. You can start a project with your kids with this in mind. Gather gifts and food for baskets for the less fortunate. Christmas is much more rewarding when sharing with others. Tell the kids what to expect so they are not disappointed on Christmas. Then, turn off the tv is you have to and celebrate the way you both want to. Maybe go to the movies or watch a favorite movie together. Maybe even play board games- whatever you feel is appropriate. You don't have to go overboard with the Christmas overload. No one needs that!
2016-05-23 03:24:45 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you and your fiance are headstrong about your atheism, then do not be afraid to stop the gfits and Christmas "traditions". Sit down and explain to your kids why you would prefer for them not to get presents and such at Christmas b/c they are atheists by association. BUT, at the same time, I think a well rounded parent will explain the Christianity p.o.v. of Christmas (and if you are not familar with it, surely you have a coworker or friend that can explain) what presents symbolize, dinner, etc. And, if you want to spread the general message of "it is better to give than to recieve", then you may choose a different date as a family after the traditional holiday season in which you exchange presents to further promote that idea. Either way...make sure your kids are well informed, so that they won't think that you're just taking away their fun b/c you're a mean mommy and daddy. You'd be surprised what concepts your kids could understand - even the mystery of faith, religion, and atheism.
2006-12-20 16:28:29 · answer #4 · answered by shibabigirl 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I strongly suggest you stop all this Christmas thing with the tree, dinner and gifts etc since you are not Christians. Tell you kids you are not Christians and do not need to practice such traditions. If they are unhappy, too bad. They have to learn about it sooner better than later. If they like Christmas so much they might want to become Christians themselves when they grow up, but that's the future. In fact, Christians who know you are atheists but celebrate Christmas will think it a sham and that you are hypocrites.
2006-12-21 03:12:13 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How were you raised? If you were raised w/ the tree and presents, etc., then you are celebrating family and your heritage. I'm agnostic, raised Christian, and I intend to continue celebrating Christmas when I have children, but with the focus exclusively on family and giving.
Many Christian parents also worry about the balance of not depriving their children while not making them materialistic. In a wealthy country, this is an understandable concern. (I'm assuming you're American or British.) I absolutely agree with everyone who suggests modest gifts combined with charitable giving and/or volunteering.
You could also consider holiday ceremonies at the Unitarian church, if there is one in your area. It's a church that welcomes atheists, Christians, and everyone in between. It will probably have holiday programs and individual members who can help you with your ethical dilemmas.
2006-12-20 16:16:11 · answer #6 · answered by Amanda L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you worried about offending Xtians. I too am an Atheist. I don't care for a tree. I buy some gifts but don't make a big deal of it. ONe of my sons does not do xmas at all and the other celebrates winter solstice. My hubbies kids are used to xmas so we get them a gift. Do what feels right to you and don't worry about everyone else.
Back when I used to be in church it was a church that did not celebrate traditional holidays. My kids did not feel left out because they got stuff all year around. They were not deprived at all.
2006-12-20 16:53:43 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Christmas is hardly about religion anymore for most people to begin with--it's about the religion of commercialism instead. Our Christmas here is very different from the Christmas that my friends in Ireland grew up with, for example, or even different than the Christmas that my American grandmother knew.
I am a pagan and my husband is Christian but does not attend church. We both feel that it is important to celebrate the holiday because of family reasons and traditions. There's nothing wrong with believing in family traditions that happen to have Christian (or pagan) origins as most Christmas traditions do, even if you are athiest.
It seems to me like you are more concerned about the negative effects of commercialism and how it will impact your children. Follow your instinct--you sound like very good parents. You also sound very respectful. People will always get offended (and sadly the most vocal of any religion are seldom the 'truest' or the most kind), but as long as your intent is not to offend, you should be fine.
2006-12-21 00:10:29 · answer #8 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, let me say that I think it's very considerate of you not to want to offend any Christians on their holiday.
Secondly, the commercialized side of Christmas has more to do with materialism in American than with the Christian meaning of Christmas--to celebrate Christ's birth. A tree, a big dinner, Santa and spoiling kids with a lot of toys are simply traditions that both Christians and non-Christians enjoy --so in that regard, I don't see you as being hypocritical. What's nice though, is that your tradition can be ramped-up or scaled down to suit you and/or your family.
Since the Christmas holiday --(btw, the word "holiday" is derived from "holy" + "day") is not all that meaningful to you, you hate the commercialism of it all, but you don't want to deprive your kids, you can either develop your own family holiday traditions or you could allow your children to celebrate the non-commercial (and true) meaning of Christmas with Christian friends. ...Just a thought.
2006-12-20 18:05:52 · answer #9 · answered by twystedsysta 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You should do whatever makes you most comfortable. You can be atheist and still celebrate Christmas with the tree and the presents and the traditional stuff if you want. Despite it's commercial aspects it's still a time of families and love. Stick to a budget too, no sense going overboard on the spending and feeling bad for that next year.
I'm christian but it wouldn't offend me any if it's what makes your family happy. There's still time to convert you later on... lol
2006-12-20 16:13:55 · answer #10 · answered by Simp1eman 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋