For as far back as I can remember, people have been "dumping" me-- friends not making time to see me, cancelling at the last minute, or just plain standing me up. I've been given lame excuses, no excuses and outright lies. Some of the people in my life now are my friends and I like them, but they just don't seem willing to go out of their way for me-- of course, always for a "good reason." Recently, I had my birthday and about half my friends whom I invited either said they couldn't make it or didn't respond at all. If there is one day they should go out of their way for me, this should be it! Once, I invited 2 friends to dinner. I made a special meal, they never showed up and I never heard from them again. To my 21st birthday, only one friend showed up. These are just a few examples, but there are many more. I asked my very considerate and reliable boyfriend to shed some light on the issue, but he couldn't explain it. I am simply blown away by peoples' thoughtlessness, rudeness and selfishness. Help!
2006-12-20 14:10:49 · 6 answers · asked by Sarah T 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
You are, to use a terrible term, a "doormat." People think they can screw you over without recourse.
Your crash course needs to be on confidence.
Confident women get what they want and deserve and don't need friends who abuse that trust.
2006-12-20 14:20:15 · answer #1 · answered by Sir J 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm sorry that you feel you're neglected. In some situations, you see what you look for. That is, if you expect people to be selfish and rude, that's what you'll see, whereas if you expect people to be kind and thoughtful, that's what you'll see. People aren't perfect all the time. The best you can do is make sure that you are the kind of person who friends would want to be around.
I also find that it helps to give people the benefit of the doubt. I was expecting a friend to come by my house on the way home from her work tonight, but she just called me (about 2 1/2 hours after I was expecting her) to tell me that she forgot and went home. I could choose to be offended if I wanted to, but I'd rather give her the benefit of the doubt that she honestly forgot and that she really does care about me. I know that sometimes I don't always call people when I am thinking of them or remember to do everything I say I'll do, but I still care. So I like to think that other people feel the same way.
In fact, if your friends are having a hard time keeping their obligations, it might be because something hard for them is going on in their lives. Your understanding, support, and even help might be appreciated. At any rate, if you're feeling lonely a really good way to forget about it is to help others, such as by doing community service.
For one thing, you say that you have a reliable boyfriend. Maybe you should be choosing more friends like him, and don't worry so much about the approval of people that you think are too unreliable.
2006-12-20 14:22:01 · answer #2 · answered by drshorty 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I just think that people are rude. If they are invited to one engagement and something better comes along, they'll find a way out of the first engagement. Manners have been thrown out the window.
I really don't have a good answer for you, but I totally empathize. I have felt the same way pretty much my whole life. My experiences have made me somewhat cynical and hesistant to trust others, making the situation worse for myself since people often think that quiet reserved people are rude, when they really are just quiet and reserved and take a while to warm up. Please don't let this happen to you too. Try not to let people get you down. You can't and won't ever please them. People will always disappoint. Continue being the generous good friend that you are and if they don't reciprocate then it's their loss. (I need to follow my own advice!)
2006-12-20 17:07:57 · answer #3 · answered by caffeinatedmom2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We can expect people to turn us down, even at the last minute. They must have their reasons. But looking at your examples, they are happening far too often and the numbers are not normal! There is definitely something wrong here (which without specifics, I cannot comment on what's wrong). But it's good to reflect on this problem and try to find out what's wrong. Could it be you (no offence please)? Sometimes to find the problem and solution to the problem, look hard at the mirror. They (problems and solutions) are all there.
2006-12-20 14:36:48 · answer #4 · answered by TK 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, I have had the same problem all my life and I have no idea eather. No matter what I do I find myself in the same place. Maybe were to nice to people and thay take it as a weakness instead of a strangth.
2006-12-20 14:21:59 · answer #5 · answered by Patrick K 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Those people that dumped you, if you have contact with them try asking them whats wrong,give them an example.
2006-12-20 14:21:03 · answer #6 · answered by thresher 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋