Does a 10 year age difference really matter in a relationship?

Question

Im with a guy who is ten years older then me. im 17 he's 27. Does this reallly matter.. Inside he says he feels younger.. he looks younger and ect.. i feel older inside and wnt totaly diffrent things then guys my age. We get along great. he tell's me he doesnt want me stopping from my goals. to follow my dreams everything like that. but my mom doesnt want me to have a BF/GF thing with him yet she dated a guy when she was 37 who was 27 and another man who was 13 years older than her. . what is the problem here.. Also.. at what point does age diffrents stop mattering? well i guess thats all for now.. thanks

Answer 1

age only matters to those who are superficial. Love is love and love has no boundaries. If you get along great and feel "right" being together, then age ought not come into conversation.

Answer 2

If it'd been about 4 maybe even 5 I'd say know. But your not even 18 yet. A man at 27 wants things that a 17 yr old woman doesn't want. He's going to be thinking of settling down. Your thinking about college. Age probably stops mattering at 18, at least both parties would legally be adults. Honestly the best advice is to follow your heart, because although I'm unsure of the 10 yr difference I'm a believe in age doesn't matter. Ex I'd just turned 17 when I started going out with a man that was only 2 months away from turning 22. Age is indeed just a number but it's hard when your under 18 to date someone who's older. I wish you the best of luck no matter what you decide to do.

Answer 3

My husband is 9 years older. At your age it is much more of a difference than mine but We met when I was 21 so I remember.

I don't really think it matters a wit honey. Other things matter a whole lot more. Like whether you are mature enough (or if he is) to help the other feel valued, charished, warm, trusted, loved and whether you are friends, lovers or both.

The concerns may be legal ones in your state and I would check that out for his sake.

But as far as the relationship what two adults decide is all that matters so as long as you are both adults...

Answer 4

There is a big difference between 17 & 27 and 27 & 37. Not in math, but in life experience. His concern for your goals and following your dreams shows a concern that he has because of the age difference. The older you get the less age diffeence matters because the life experiences tend to be more in line. Also when you get involved with a man who is 27, there is no way that you are going want to do things or want the same things than other people your age. I would talk to your Mom about that, She has the experience. I am not going to moralize this issue. Be careful and know yourself.

Answer 5

You know, it's weird how parents are.

My parents are seven years apart, and my mom met my dad when she was just 16 (he was 23) and today they've been married for over thirty-five years.

It really does come down to maturity. I'm the same age as you and have been dating someone who is also ten years older, but I grew up with guys that age (my brother is eleven years my elder). My parents did not like the idea one bit, but then my mom saw us together and that we were happy. As long as you're above the legal age limit in your state, I don't think anyone should tell you who to love.

As long as you and the guy are okay with it, who cares what other people think? Love should not be discriminated against, especially when there isn't enough of it in this day and age. Live life, enjoy it, and be safe. Other than that, don't worry what people think.

Answer 6

Only where the age matters is that U are not 18 and he can get into loads of trouble if turned in to police for messin' with an underage girl. Other than that...NO age does not matter! Ask my parents that just celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary this year and my mom is 11 years younger than my dad and they are still going strong, love grows every day, and growing old together.

Answer 7

Age only matters if you let it. What matters is your core value systems and lifestyle compatibility.

Having said that, remember that every 10 years is a decade. Each decade has its own set of values, beliefs and life expectations. Your generation, for example, has been coined the "entitled" generation because of the attitude that the world and everyone in it "owes" you something. (i'm not saying that you, personally, hold that attitude., just the generation as a whole.) He's almost thirty. You have to remember that as you age, he will too and he already has 10 years on you. That may not mean much now but as you age and really mature it could become problematic. When he's in his forties and at the end of his sexual peak you'll be in your thirties and at the height of your sexual peak---you want it all the time and he can't be bothered or worse, sleeps all the time. Also, a lot of men start to think about starting a family right around 30. Will you be ready in your life for babies at 20 years old? When you are in your forties evaluating your life and he's in his fifties taking blood pressure medicine and viagra, will you regret where you've been? Just some points to ponder for you.

As a mother let me try to shed some light from your mom's point of view. Her discouraging you from this relationship is nothing personal toward the guy. She has "been there and done that" and speaks from a little wealth of knowledge pond we like to call experience. We change so much from the age of 17 to the 30 that most times we grow apart from our mates and that accounts for the divorce rates. I tell my girls who are teenagers not to think about a serious relationship until they are at least 28-30. Get to know who YOU are first. Travel, educate yourself, advocate for someone who can't speak for themselves, learn a new trade or skill, challenge a political issue, do it all....just get to know who you really are and what you truly stand for. Know who you are before you have to focus on a relationship. Relationships are hard work. And mostly give and almost no take. At your age, if you were my daughter, I would strongly discourage this relationship just as your mother is doing. Ask her some specific questions to see why she feels so strongly....how did the younger guy treat her? the older guy? What were some of the day to day differences in them compared to her?

Just another thought....he's had about 12 more years of sexual activity than you---was it all protected from both disease and pregnancy? Or will you find later about kids he didn't know he fathered or just chose not to tell you about? Or worse, would he eventually be diagnosed with a horrible STD that you will now be infected with?

If you chose to remain in this relationship, take it slow and really get to know him and keep mom in the know about him---as much to reassure her as to show her how much you value her opinion and friendship.

Answer 8

Um, in this situation, yes, age does matter. 27 to 17 is a large gap, considering the fact that you're not even an adult yet.

Age doesn't matter so much as long as it's relatively. But for a 10-year gap, I'd say mid 20's is the point when it doesn't matter.

Answer 9

Yes and no. If you are thirty five and fourty five, the age difference isn't significant, but 17-27 you are pushing it. You both have different mentalities and its difficult to make the 17-27 relationship work. Especially since sex is illegal that this age.

Go after someone a little younger for now, enjoy youth while you can. There is plenty of time for dating 27 year olds and the bagage that come with them.

In my opinon you should start looking for a less used model ;-).

Answer 10

It matters only as much as you think it matters. The real issue is how serious you want to get with him. If that's the case, how well do you know him? Or yourself for that matter?

I have a list of over 1,000 questions to ask someone if I get serious with them. Of course, I ask the really important ones first and right away. And, of course, I'm willing to share my answers to all the questions I ask.

Most of it happens over the course of time. It's not like we sit down and grill each other. It's just whenever but, to me, there's no point in spending time with someone if you're headed nowhere.

Answer 11

Do you feel that you are alot different now than when you were 7?

Trust me, you have not finished growing up, and you will look back at yourself as a 17 year old when you are 27 and wonder what you were thinking.

I do it all of the time, and I was sooooo sure that I knew everything then. Now I know I didn't, and I still don't.