My husband and I lived in the same city as he did for 14 years, but my husband lost his job, and was out of work for 14 months. We about lost everything we had, but luckily, he found employment in another state, and we had to move out of state so he could work. We saw each other 2 or 3 times per month. He never had us over at his house. He always came to our home. But he evidently has taken this very hard and personal. He will not call us at all, and when I email him he is extremely short with me. He won't email us at all either. His dad called him about 10 days ago to see if he wanted to exchange Xmas gifts and he said yes. So I went online to see what he wanted. He told me but never asked what we wanted. So I just volunteered and told him he could get us gift cards if he wanted, since that would be the easiest thing with Xmas right around the corner. I told him I hoped he wasn't upset with me and asked me if he still liked me. He said he refused to talk about it period.
2006-12-20 11:04:54 · 17 answers · asked by Peekie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
It's your husband who needs to find out whats wrong with his son. You need to step back and let your husband deal with this because you may only make matters worse.. Good Luck to you.
2006-12-20 11:07:53 · answer #1 · answered by Issym 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This step-son's issue has nothing to do with being an only child. You and your husband seem to be trying to keep the lines of communication open. It seems like the son is one sided. Sounds like there could be alot more to this than even you realize. Why doesn't the Father email the son, why is it always you. And another thing, that seems like it is crossing the line emailing the son and asking if he still likes you. That is questionable and he may take that wrong. Instead why didn't you ask, does he or doesn't he want a relationship with his Father or not. It is give and take not all give on his Dad's part. Your the Step Mom and you have to tread lightly when emailing this guy. He is not a kid, he is an adult. So though you may feel like your helping your husband, let him make the decision to have or not have a relationship with his son. Don't get in the middle or it could end up biting you in the rear. Just tell your husband he needs to be more responsible for his son, so either communicate with him and help you out by doing that and not leaving it all up to you. See what I mean. This is his kid, he is the one that should be laying down the law to his kid. I don't care if he is 30,40 or 60 the son is still "his" son. And he needs to be a Father or not. I know it's old fashioned, but the son could call his Father or write him a letter or post card. Or let the son and Father hash out what they want to do, online with one another. Don't you do all the work for your husband.
2006-12-20 11:54:31 · answer #2 · answered by ncamedtech 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He does have a good reason for being hurt but he's not a child. He's able to communicate and express his feelings very well I would assume at his age. But the arching theme for me is that he is very self-centered and selfish for holding a grudge or any negative feelings when you were forced to move to survive. Your responsibility at this point is to just simply apologize for what he might be feeling as a result of the lack of visits on your part and explain to him how you feel about him and the importance he has in the lives of both you and your husband. That is all you can do. You can't cater to him or take back time. Move forward and try your best at trying to open up communication so you all can be a closer family again although there is some distance.
2006-12-20 11:13:37 · answer #3 · answered by Bonita Applebaum 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is being pretty rude. This isn't much information to go on but it sounds to me like he may be a substance abuser. Then again, he could have a bunch of residtual anger from old family stuff.
If he won't talk about it there is nothing you can do and I wouldn't agonize about it because that will only make you feel bad. You picked your husband, and his son is part of the package...but that doesn't mean that you have to twist yourself into knots trying to figure out why he is surly and rude.
If I were in your shoes I'd be polite, helpful and respectful, but not let myself get caught up worrying or trying to make this person happy or different because you can't. Sometimes in families time will fix a lot of things. I hope this works out for your and wish you a happy holiday.
2006-12-20 11:18:34 · answer #4 · answered by heart o' gold 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should just sit her down and talk to her about the kids coming to stay with you for a while so that they can bond with their father a little more....you have to throw some kind of monkey wrench in there (even if its not true) to get her to understand and actually except what your trying to say....most likely she will disagree as she is benefiting from the child support that she receives from your husband...But like I said you have to make up something that's so good that she will pack their stuff for you to let them come and stay for a little while....maybe your husband and go to court and get a court order that one school year the kids live with you and the next school year they live with her....I don't know but I hope everything works out for you and the kids. PS. Your a good woman and I applaud you for stepping up and being a good step mom.
2016-03-29 01:55:40 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kids can be a pain in the butt!! Just leave him alone. If he needs something, he'll call. They always do. As he is an only child, more than likely he know just how to get what he wants. Besides if he's in one of his moods why do you need to expose yourself to that? Does he enrich your life? Is he fun to be around? Are you and your husband delighted to see him when he visits? If he likes you does that make you feel better about yourself. Do you feel like less of a person because he may not like you right now? Kids!!!Love them, but sometimes they can really drain ones energy. Good luck and have a Merry Christmas.
2006-12-20 11:15:51 · answer #6 · answered by thirsty mind 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me he is a 30 year old baby that needs to trade in his pampers for some grown up underwear. If he doesn't understand yall had to move or starve to death then he is just plain ole retarded I guess. As a matter of fact even if yall just decided to move for the pure pleasure of it he doesn't have the right either way to be upset about it. Tell your stepson to go get his own life, get married and maybe even have some kids so he can reap what he has sown with you guys.
2006-12-20 11:12:27 · answer #7 · answered by Lucinda M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband needs to find out or at least say something to him! Instead of emailing him, try calling him and if he does not answer leave a message on his phone. Have your husband explain why you guys had to leave and that he loves him very much!!! And, then let your stepson come to you and your husband! He is hurting so give him time to heal!!!
2006-12-20 11:13:04 · answer #8 · answered by September Sweetie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's a lot going unsaid here, and until you know what his problem is, there isn't much you can do about it.
My suggestion is to just let it go and have your husband talk to him and find out what's up with him.
It may just be resentment because he is being fed some bad info by his mother????
2006-12-20 11:12:04 · answer #9 · answered by Gnome 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is his mother around? Is there a possiblity that he is influenced by her? Some people are extremely protective and he may never have gotten past the fact that you, instead of his mom, are married to his dad.
2006-12-20 11:08:48 · answer #10 · answered by firefly 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋