how do I tell a potential boyfriend that I have been celibate for 13 years?

Question

I really like this guy we really click and he is really into me at times we get really intimate, and have to slow it up, because I haven't been with a man in 13 years and I just don't know how to tell him without having the fear of him leaving!!!!!!!!!!1

Answer 1

Just tell him. He should be flattered that you are even thinking of sex with him.

Answer 2

Are you saying you are a virgin or have had not sex for 13 years? You don't mention how long you have been seeing him and your approximate age. All of these things enter into the picture. However, why would he leave just because you have been celibate for so long. This just doesn't make sense to me at all. Is this a religious or moral thing or something else. I don't even understand why you have to tell him. If you have had sex in the past, it's like riding a bike, you never forget how to do it. Relax and enjoy the relationship.

Answer 3

Approach it more gently than some sudden announcement. In a quiet moment, when you are not under any pressure and can talk alone let him know how much this relationships has come to mean to you, not only for the emotional happiness it brings you, but for the chance to really share yourself with someone you care for very much. Let him know that you have not been with a man for a long time and that you are shy and a little afraid that you won't know all the things he expects or hopes for. Tell him that you want him to teach you what feels good to him, and in return, that you hope he will help you discover what feels good for you. And remember, sex is always for the first time when it is a new experience. Just calm your own mind and body. Let the feelings themselves guide you. Don't hold back, but let yourself slip into the touch that will bond the two of you together.

Answer 4

Oh my god? Why would he be mad? You'd be almost like a virgin. He'll probably be really excited. Your reasoning for wanting to take things slow is a valid one. If you have been hesitant with him too many times he may think that you are not really interested in him sexually. Just be honest and straight-forward about it. Tell him that you are attracted to him, that you know he probably noticed that you are a little hesitant when it comes to sex but that is because you have bee celibate for 13 years. He'll probably ask you why (I know that was the first thing I wondered). Be honest. No matter what your answer is, he should be willing to slow down to a speed you are comfortable with.

Answer 5

well, there is no reason for fearing a man about this.In most cases a man will for sure wish to know your reasons but just the same have more respect for you doing this than saying you have a habit of having multiple sexual partners at one time.I think that would be a bigger risk of having him run for the hills.
Just remember one thing, you are celibate because of choice.Your choice and in your mind and heart you have reason for doing so.Be honest with who you are no matter what because in the end weather good or bad comes of this you wont have a guilt ridden conscience as to leading anyone on.
Just help him and your self by telling him as soon as possible.He will ask you if you plan on staying this way or not and if you say yes and he hits the road than you know it was really just sex he was looking for from you and nothing else.
Be real and the rest will follow.

Answer 6

Hello Dear,

Well now, I'm a guy, and there have been long hiatuses (wow, that passed my spell-check, I'm impressed), of as long as 7 years. While I was worried about it, perhaps too much, it turned out to be nothing.

I suggest that you merely say "It's been quite some time" and leave it at that (or some other vague statement to the same effect)....he's not interested in statistics to begin with, and doesn't want to know the exact number of years since the last time.

I would imagine that things will not be so different for you, than they were for me. You know how intimacy flows..the emotion, passion, and then physical aspects all kinda melting together....as long as he knows it's "been quite some time"...he won't be expecting Kama Sutra moves from you. You'll be back in the "swing of things" in no time, trust me.

Namaste,

--Tom

Answer 7

be honest. Your probably not slowing things up because you haven't been with a man in 13 years. Sounds more like you just want to slow things up a little. Give yourself a break, take the relationship at your own speed and stop worrying.

Answer 8

If he doesn't ask ... what's the need of telling him? If he asks, then tell him the truth, no need to feel afraid or ashamed.
If he's totally into you ... he'll be okay with it. Nothing wrong with celibating for 13 years, it just means you're not sleeping around and you know what? It's OK :)

Good luck!

Answer 9

Say, " I have been celibate for 13 years. I say to you thank your lucky stars. Due to illness we have been unable for a lot longer! I married him anyway so go with your heart it will return to you like a breeze on the wing of an angel.

Answer 10

Well, first of all why are you get heated up and intimate with a "potential boyfriend. If he's not a boyfriend now, don't tell him anything. Wait until he becomes a boyfriend and don't be giving anything up to a potential.

Answer 11

well if he really likes you than he shouldn't care that you haven't been with anyone in 13 years. but he's smart, then he should feel special that He's the guy you've chosen in thirteen long azz years.