When you start a new relationship, do you think its a good idea to just go ahead and tell them all the?

Question

negative stuff about you, or put your best foot forward and show only your great side? I personally would tell all my crappy negative stuff and get it all out. that way they couldnt say i didnt tell them so.

LOLA 11, I am in a crappy relationship of 18 years because i put my "best foot forward" and wouldnt you know it, he hates many things about me now, to the point where i doesnt wanna be with me. Thats why i would " air it all out"

DEBBIE i wouldnt care if i scared them away. I wouldnt want to enter another horrible relationship where no matter what you did or didnt do, they hate it.

Answer 1

It sounds like you know the answer this question already Jolly!!! you answered your own question when you replied to others answers. But one man is different from another. So the things the man from the 18 yr relationship hated things about you that another one might not mind. You never know. I would tell them stuff like I tend to.....! whatever you think you do wrong or to much of. Not what the man before said. That was things he did not like, and you don't know what the next man won't like. Just be your self and tell the truth you pros and cons in your opinion!! I hope my advice helps you! Good Luck!!

Answer 2

You will probably scare them away by doing that. Seriously, what would you think if out on a first (or 2nd) date and your date just started dissing themselves? I would wonder. Maybe they won't think some of the things you do are weird or negative at all. I would show the person the REAL me and let them decide. Always be yourself for the best results. If you put on an act and then they find out you were faking, it's not good. If someone likes you they will accept you with all your qualities and if they don't they are not worth your time.

Answer 3

New relationships lack one huge thing that is required in sharing sensitive information about yourself: trust. This takes time to build. There is no rush to reveal information about yourself, whether good or bad information. My personal feeling is that information should be given on a "need to know" basis. I also like to keep my boundaries fairly tight in the beginning of a relationship - of course I put my best foot forward, but it is not emotionally sensitive to share information with your partner that he/she can't really process in the context of a new relationship.

For example, if you share with your partner that you were physically abused as a child, how should they respond? What kind of response do you expect? They are not yet emotionally involved and invested in you, so how SHOULD they respond? It can be awkward, and that's the least of it. Generally, too much information scares people away when it doesn't have to. In other words, you may have been physically abused as a child, but perhaps you've had counseling and worked it out and it doesn't affect your current relationships. In this case, your behavior on an ongoing basis while you are with your partner builds the trust - you are someone who has healthy boundaries and can relate to them in an appropriate and loving manner. Then, after they get to know you as someone trustworthy and emotionally healthy, you can tell them about your past, and that information can be processed by them in a more appropriate manner - in context.

Answer 4

I think it is important for both people to be honest. It doesn't mean that you have to make yourself look bad. But I think there are some things that should be revealed (number of sex partners; any diseases you have or have had in the past; whether or not you have any children; tax or financial issues; criminal past; credit problems; drug problems (past or present); weird fetishes or addictions. It doesn't necessarily mean the person will dump you or become less interested. Even if they do - oh well. Each individual has a right to either accept or reject your past. But it is important to be upfront and honest otherwise people can end up hurt.

Answer 5

Definitely not. Why would you be saying negative things about yourself to a person you just met? Are you TRYING to drive them away?
Keep thigns to yourself and let them found out that crappy stuff on their own. :)

Answer 6

Neither, just let the good and bad out naturally. If you start with all the bad, you will scare them away, if you start with all good and make yourself sound like a saint they will be disappointed later, just be natural and tell things about yourself evenly, balance the good and bad.

Answer 7

I think it's good to be balanced. Show your greatness, and show your weak/negative side too. Everyone is human and no one is perfect, there is both good and bad. Giving it in doses is a good strategy that won't freak out your partner too much, because you won't be laying it all on them at once.

Answer 8

Explain yourself by time. Give them a chance to have an idea about you. If you tell everything about you at the start , they can't clearly see who you are. Don't bother to tell yourself people. If they want to know you more , they try to figure out...

Answer 9

i agree wit you in a sense. i wouldn't do it so that they can't say i didn't but because i hate secrets and lies and all that, but i wouldn't tell him rite away i would have to make sure that he trusted me and i trusted him and that we weren't likely to break up anytime soon, because he might go and tell everyone all the stuff i told him not to tell anyone. hope that makes sense. and yes i would show the good side too lol i think we all would but i wouldn't lie to him i would tell him everything when i knew i could trust him

Answer 10

always put your best foot forward but dont hide you flaws

an good balance between the two