My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over three months now. His best friend is a girl whom he's known for quite a long time, around two years if I remember correctly. They're extremely close, even telling each other "I love you" at the end of phone conversations. When they first met, they also fooled around a little bit, but it led to nothing serious. Now, this has never really upset me before. My boyfriend claims that they have more of a brother-sister relationship than anything else.
But here's the deal - she lives a few hours away (since he recently moved up to my area) and is coming into town next weekend for a visit. My guy was telling me all the details, and nonchalantly mentioned the fact that she'd be staying with him at his house during the visit. He asked if this would upset me. I didn't want to seem like a nag, so I said no.
I'm not sure if I feel comfortable with this. Do I have a right to be jealous or insecure? Or does it all boil down to trust?
2006-12-20 10:20:39 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It is entirely possible to have a platonic friendship with a member of the opposite sex. I would not worry about it. If he would not have told you it would be a different story, but if he is telling you about it beforehand, that is being open with you, which points to him being trustworthy.
2006-12-20 10:23:54 · answer #1 · answered by leadfoot126 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Very nonchalantly ask him if he would be ok if you stayed over as well while she stayed. See what his reaction is. If there is nothing going on between them then he will be fine and say "sure" withoug flinching. Then you can see for yourself how they act with each other. But if he has something to hide (i.e a secret relationship) he will more than likely accuse you of being jealous or suspicious or he will just freak out and make a lame excuse. You have to protect whats yours and if whats yours has something to hide you should know.
2006-12-20 12:15:06 · answer #2 · answered by Sarah 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When she comes in for the weekend are you going to be there with them some or all of the time? The bottom line is this: If he is in love with her, you'll loose him one way or the other. It is not just an issue of trust. You don't want to appear insecure or too 'needy' or controlling. It may be emotionally hard for you but my advice is to tell him that you trust him, ask if you can meet her, spend some time with them and get to know her. But don't insist on spending the entire weekend with them. When and if you do meet her, be friendly, ask her questions to get to know her.
You have to SHOW your trust in him. If he has given you other reasons not to trust him then you need to tell him that you don't trust him and why. My boyfriend has several old gal friends that he hangs out with sometimes. I'm not jealous or worried that they will take him from me. If he wanted one of them they would have been together long ago. Lots of friends say 'I love you' to each other too. Suck it up baby! Keep your cool and be happy. If he IS in love with her, and not you, or just fooling around with her, it's better for you to find out NOW rather than years later when you two are married. It's better to find out now, just three months into the relationship, rather than 10 months from now, when you could be even more in love with him.
2006-12-20 10:29:53 · answer #3 · answered by StrawberryShortcake 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't worry!!my best friend is a guy and we are like glue!![i'm married and my husband understands this bond!!]i call him up when i'm sad he comes over and we talk until morning,we go to the movies or parties together we are just great friends and nothing else!!if your boyfriend was going to do anything with his friend he would have already done so!!but he loves you and your relationship will even be better when you show understanding!![i mean if his friend was a guy you wouldn't be feeling this way now would you??!!get to know her better, have an open mind and maybe she'll become your best friend,too!!
2006-12-20 10:38:15 · answer #4 · answered by ....FED UP............ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whether he fools around with her I have no idea, whether he has feelings for her is irrelevant. Even if their relationship is platonic you have every right to be pissed off by the situation. I wouldn't like it at all. She should go in a hotel or something or else you should pass the weekend with them too. I wouldn't like to have a woman in my boyfriend's house using his same bathroom, having brekfast with him etc... Even if his intentions are sincere you know nothing about hers.
2006-12-20 10:46:40 · answer #5 · answered by Micia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WHAAAT? Girl, your man is a player! Who does he think he is having a girlfriend and inviting some other chick (don't care who she is) over to spend the night at his house! And sorry but no 'FRIENDS" male/female say "I LOVE YOU" at the end of every phone coversation.
Cut him loose. Cuase she is going to milk that sh* and be all over him if she knows you were "okay" with her staying at his house.
She sounds evil.
Dump him. He is just as bad as she is for disrespecting you with even the prospect of that question!
2006-12-20 10:26:07 · answer #6 · answered by Mimi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
whether you have the right to be or not, you know that you will be. so, i think you should talk to him again, explain to him that you did not think that it would bother you, but you realize that it does. if you don't talk to him about this, and you end up saying something after the fact, then he may get upset with you for not being honest with him in the first place. so open up to him, that's part of being in a relationship, being able to talk about your thoughts and feelings.
2006-12-20 10:30:13 · answer #7 · answered by here to help 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i'd be the same way. It feels like he has a hidden schedule he's attempting to be sneaky approximately. Your dating won't in any respect paintings in case you in no way confront themes like that, in any different case he will think of he can smash out with it for something of your dating. he will deny doing any incorrect doing with each fiber of his being. all of it in basic terms comes right down to no count if or no longer you opt directly to have somebody like that during your existence. finding on the severity of the situation, i'd in all risk in basic terms pass on.
2016-12-15 05:12:10 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just insist that you stay over there too. Pop up over there every now and then.
2006-12-20 10:29:05 · answer #9 · answered by Via 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋