My friend doesn't want me to be her Maid of Honor now.?

Question

I am the one that got her and her fiancee together. When they got engaged in 2003, she asked me to be her maid of honor. I accepted being that we have been friends since 3rd grade and best friends since 9th grade. Now that we are out of college, she is marrying him (June 2007). I found out that I am pregnant, and my mom ran into her the other day and she mentioned "I guess I need to get a new Maid of Honor since she's pregnant." Of course my feelings were SHATTERED. I have already planned all of the stuff that I should be planning, and we were supposed to go dress shopping next month. I am not sure what I should do, and I sent her an email saying we need to talk since she is never near a phone. HELP!

I just talked to her on the phone. Her main concern is that I will get a dress now and not be able to fit in it. That and the financial burden. I'm still really upset about it tho. She told me that if I go to the dr on jan 3 (when I have my appt) and i find out my due dates etc, that we still might be able to work it out. Her back up MOH is her fiancee's sister who really can't take on the responsibilities, so I would get the responsibility and she would get to be in the wedding as my stand in. I think that hurts me more.

Answer 1

I have a similar situation. I brought my friend and her fiancee together by setting them up on a date. Her fiancee is my fiancee's best friend. My fiancee has been asked to be in the wedding but not me! I understand that it is her decision but it DOES HURT when you've done so much for someone and they act like it was nothing. Whether you are pregnant or not, she shouldn't have pulled you out without asking you how you felt about it. I would assume that if she was concerned for your feelings then she would let it be a mutual agreement whether you are in it or not. You don't have to buy a dress now. I would see how she felt about you buying your dress a month in advance so that you can still fit into it on the wedding day. If she still tries to make excuses about you not being in the wedding then maybe she's being too shallow about the appearance of the bridal party.

Answer 2

As a former Bridezilla myself, I have to tell you that things change a lot from the engagement to the big day; if you love your friend, you will understand her need for "the perfect day". Honestly, you shouldn't take it personally, because this woman probably has a lot of different people, choices, and opinions all pulling her in different directions... Be there for her! Ask if you can instead be her personal attendant and prove to her that you want to help her and be there for her. (After all, that should be the only reason to be in the wedding party and especially a maid of honor)

I am really sorry your feelings are hurt though, I can definitely understand why.

After the wedding is over, you will be buddies again and you can make her baby-sit a lot! : )

Answer 3

Ouch! If she TRULY is concerned about your health and financial situation then respect that and realize that even though its not YOUR wedding, it will be a stress for you both mentally and financially! I would not do all of the normal MOH duties if I weren't the MOH. You can still go with her to fittings and such, but I would leave the party planning and detail work up to the "stand in" MOH. You should however, attend those things and bring a gift as her friend. If she asks you to do something that is truly a MOH duty, I would evaluate your feelings as the situations arrise and respond with either "I would love to" or "I'm sorry, but I can't"! No explaination needed, you aren't the MOH!

Answer 4

I think your move on sending an email is the right one. The best thing to do is talk to her. Weddings are tricky and it could be that she has a mental image of whatever and that is why she is changing her mind, but I sort of doubt that.

Odds are that she thinks you might not want to do it now or that maybe its bad for you to be stressed if you are pregnant. Don't jump to conclusions. I have found every time I have my mind is much better at coming up with the worst possible situation and the reality is so much less complicated.

Give her a chance and if she is that shallow when she explains it to you.. I would serious consider how important the friendship is to you.

Good Luck.

Answer 5

Firstly...Congrats on your pregnancy.

Second...what you heard is secondhand...not saying your mom heard wrong...but your mother may not have understood the "feeling behind the statement"

I totally agree that you should talk to her, but approach it with an open mind. your mother may have misunderstood, your friend may not figure that you want to anymore, your friend may simply be worried that the stress that comes with being a MOH is going to adversly affect your pregnancy (so doesn't want you to feel obligated to be her MOH), she may have been "feeling out" your mother's reaction, to gauge whether you'd still be interested in being her MOH, she may be worried about whether you'll actually want to spend the money on a dress that will likely only be worn once, just before another huge expenditure...the birth of your baby (babies are crazy expensive, but a blessing none the less)....there are far too many variables, too many directions that this could have been meant to go (all completely innocent...) That the only advice I CAN give is to go into this with an open mind, keeping in mind some of the positive reasons that have been outlined for what she might have said. She is the only one who can explain what she said...if she indeed did actually say it.

Answer 6

Dear Lady,

you didnt say since when you were pregnant, if her wedding is in June 2007, this means 7 months and a half almost, and if you are a month or more pregnant so, sure it will be your delivery time by june 2007, did u think about that or you just wanna deliver your baby in her wedding ceremony ?

Answer 7

maybe she meant that by the time her wedding day comes you'll probably have a huge stomache and wouldnt be comfortable being the maid of honor. she probably didnt mean to hurt your feelings mabe she was thinking about you when she said it, you know? and are you sure you want to be the maid of honor while your like 6-7 months pregnant? just talk to her and be open. dont hide your feelings from each other. talking about the problem will make it go away! hope i helped!

Answer 8

hello,
First off congrats on your pregnancy! If she is a true friend she shouldnt hurt you like this. You need to be honest and up front with her. Tell here you still want to be her maid of honor and that you have big plans for her bridal shower and what not. She might think your overwhelmed with being pregnant. Good luck!

Answer 9

Wow. That's not cool. Some people can be really shallow, and apparently to her, the way her bridesmaids look matter more to her than who they are and what they mean to her in her life. That always saddens me when brides get crazy like that. The only thing that should matter on your wedding day is that you're surrounded by the people who love you, and that you're joining your life with the person who is your soul mate. Maybe she should just hire some models to stand in for her friends. I'm sorry she hurt you like that.

Answer 10

What? Who says you can't have a pregnant Maid of Honor??

On the other hand, I would advise you not to be too rash... maybe she was joking, or maybe your mom didn't hear right... I mean, you weren't there when she talked to your mom.
So I would suggest that you just talk to her first and see what her reasons are. Try not to jump to conclusions or overreact.