Hi there, am having a tough time with this one. I donated my bone marrow to a 17 year old boy with leukemia a couple years ago and found out recently that he's had a relapse and that my marrow didn't work. It was also recently that I was given his information and he was given mine (this process is usually anonymous for at least a year after donation). It breaks my heart to think what he and his family are going through. And I feel incredibly selfish, guilty and cowardly, because I'm afraid if I call, they might ask me to donate again. I know it small of me to think of it. But it was a very painful procedure for me. I can't bear the idea of saying "no" if they ask. Yet, I don't know how much longer my recipient will live and whether I should call and say hi and show that I do care despite this.
Not sure what to do, I feel time is running out. But don't know if I should give them space. Please help.
2006-12-20 09:27:59 · 11 answers · asked by roamer 2 in Health ➔ Diseases & Conditions ➔ Cancer
By the way, I was told that donors are usually asked a second time to donate if the marrow didn't work the first.
2006-12-20 09:34:46 · update #1
One more detail, the first donation did have long-term health consequences for me, it did not go well and I'm still recovering. If it was just temporary pain to deal with, I wouldn't hesitate to give again.
2006-12-20 10:49:54 · update #2
That's a tough call, but I can say this, you are not morally or ethically obligated to donate bone marrow even once, never mind twice.
How any one person will react to you calling (or not) is impossible to predict, especially since I don't know either of you, but as a doctor, I can say this: There are not many bone marrow donors, for the reasons you're probably already found out, it's burdensome, painful, requires a lot of time which you can not and will not be compensated for - so what you've done already places you in a small group of people who care enough to undergo what is, at the very least, a very inconvenient and uncomfortable process to help a stranger. Whether you choose to do that again is entirely up to you and you should not be made to feel bad for saying that once is enough.
Everyone reacts to trajedy in different ways, some display an amazing inner strength, and some take their pain and desperation and anger and use it as a weapon against anyone unfortunate enough to cross their path, imaging themselves as the only ones ever to be touched by trajedy. Things like thing bring out both the best and worst in people, and you should be prepared for either if you choose to get involved further.
2006-12-20 10:38:07 · answer #1 · answered by The Doc 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think that fact that you where on the marrow donar list is wonderful, you have done your part in saving someones life. It seems to me that your marrow did good at the time and that his cancer coming back has nothing to do with the marrow you donated. This just happens, I know of 3 young people at my daughters cancer centre who have lost their lives this year after marrow transplant (within months of transplant) because the cancer came back. Sometimes nothing can be done, Unless this young man can go back into remission with chemo or radiation there will be nothing they can do for him. You have given him a few extra years of life if he doesnt make it and im sure his family is truly grateful.
2006-12-20 19:42:36 · answer #2 · answered by lividuva 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know how painful donating bone marrow is, I will start by saying that, but you could save a life! think of the pain this kid is going through, he has cancer. He is only 17 years old. His parents are sitting by watching their child die and can do nothing. He could be someone amazing given the chance. Was the pain really so terrible that you wouldn't be willing to suffer to save a young man? Don't call him, unless you change your mind.
2006-12-20 09:38:55 · answer #3 · answered by averyanne77 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would call him... chances are, he thinks of you every day and is waiting to hear from you. It'd be a nice Christmas present. If you were asked to donate again, that'd be your decision. I donated marrow to a 57 year old woman last February. She didn't make it, but I'd give anything to be able to contact her family somehow. For me it wasn't that bad as far as pain goes. I hurt about a week after donation but then it got to be less and less. Once I came off of the Iron supplements my iron levels dropped dramatically and I had to get back on them... but they're still considered "low" and I feel exhausted every day. If I was needed to give again, I would. But I can't speak for you because I don't know exactly what your experience was. But anyway, like I said, I would give him a call. Just let him know you think of him, and wish him a merry Christmas. If they wanted space I would guess they wouldn't have released their contact information, because they really didn't have to do that. They did it because they wanted to hear from you, I'm sure. Just think about it.
2006-12-22 11:13:16 · answer #4 · answered by Katie 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He does not need your pity. He will find another way. You cannot offer him anything at all, especially if your bone marrow failed him the first time.
My son is undergoing a stem cell transplant, but he will be using his own stem cells. He has already had three bone marrow biopsies and they were virtually painless for him.
Some people are just stronger and can withstand more pain than other people. Perhaps you're just one of those people who are not strong enough.
2006-12-20 10:02:35 · answer #5 · answered by Panda 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If your marrow didn't work the first time, what makes you think it would work a second time? Seems to me you've done your part, just let sleeping dogs lie where they fall.
2006-12-20 09:31:19 · answer #6 · answered by essentiallysolo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should not call, rather than have to refuse a second procedure. Your recepient's family is willing to do anything to try and save their son's life and will expect you to want to do the same. If you feel that you cannot, it is best to just leave the situation alone. Bless you for having the courage to do it the first time!
2006-12-20 09:38:42 · answer #7 · answered by NAN G 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
If it could save a life, would you be willing to go through the procdure again? Assume that they will indeed request a second donation, because they probably will. If you don't think you can go through with it again, you should probably not call.
2006-12-20 09:37:35 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I can't tell you what to do only what I would do and that is Call and offer. what pain you go thru is nothing compared to what this child has been living. This is and everyday thing. they cannot forget about it or put it out of their minds like you can. This child may have a lot of life to live ... think about if it was your child, brother, father, uncle you would be praying for anything to make them healthy again right? Think about it. Pray about it. and I believe you already know what you need to do. Good luck my prayers are with you and this boy.
2006-12-20 09:44:40 · answer #9 · answered by barnett95 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
If you have his contact info, you might send a card. I would let him be the first to call.
2006-12-20 10:38:28 · answer #10 · answered by tessasmomy 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋