My husbands sister is pregnant and she just had a baby shower. It turns out that all my sister in laws (blood or not- I have a few because my husband has 10 siblings) got together and made a quilt for her and gave it to her at the shower? I never heard about any of this until she opened the gift at the shower so of course I did not contribute. Should I be upset? I am trying hard not to be but I am sort of hurt. I married the youngest and we have no kids so we are left out of a lot anyway but this really hurt. How would I go about saying anything to anyone anyhow? I really don't want to start a conflict. Any advice would be wonderful.
2006-12-20 09:12:11 · 19 answers · asked by Jamie A 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
My husband tried to cheer me up when he saw a photo by saying he thought it was ugly anyway but he had not other advice.
2006-12-20 09:25:09 · update #1
Just let it go. Be yourself, love your husband and don't fret over petty issues like this quilt. In a couple of years, the receiving sister in-law won't remember who did what. You married into a large family, you are the youngest member and it will take a few years for you to become "fully vested" in the family. You must suck it up and hang in there. Don't take it personal, and never let them know this "got to you".
2006-12-20 09:25:56 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Deal with it in a positive way. Talk to the one you feel is more neutral and ask why nobody told you about it and tell her how you felt. Or just give something to your husband's sister which would complement the quilt that they made or anything that would outshine it. The point here is for you to make them feel ashamed of what they did without putting yourself in a situation where you'll look stupid or insecure. If they still don't get the message then it is not your problem, therefore they're not worth your time. You're so much a better person compared to these insecure bitches. Why would let them put you down?Goodluck!
2006-12-20 17:41:53 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would be hurt, too. But don't cause a scene about it. If I were you, I'd just mention to the mom "that quilt was beautiful! I would have loved to have been a part of it." It will get back to the sisters, I think.
2006-12-20 17:20:11 · answer #3 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is really sad. I am often excluded because my husband and I have been married for 8 years and we have chosen to wait to have children. (It seems like every couple I know today rushes into parenthood without getting to know each other and just having that time for themselves) and its like they want to punish us for not being stupid.
Anyways, it seems like this really hurt your feelings and it is never okay to bottle these things up "for everyone else's sake" I think as long as you approach the subject gently like "I felt very left out when you made that quilt and didn't include me..." and ask them WHY they left you out you will feel better.
If their actions were accidental you will get an apology, if they weren't you will get an explanation. Either way you will have closure because you stuck up for yourself.
2006-12-20 17:20:45 · answer #4 · answered by Jamie R 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i can understand how you feel... i married into a large family as well. i was never really accepted by any of my sister in laws or my brother in laws wife.
if there is one sister you feel close enough to or possibly your mother in law you should tell them you felt excluded from a special family gift that you thought you were now a part of.
dont expect them to change though, mine never did.
2006-12-20 17:20:55 · answer #5 · answered by Cymbaline 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I can understand your feelings. My in-laws act the same way. Talking to them about things doesn't help me much, but you could try it. My husband has even tried talking to his family about it. That didn't help either. We are considering moving out of state.
2006-12-20 17:17:00 · answer #6 · answered by bewitching_green_fairy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you know who instigated the quilting, politely ask why you were left out. Don't make a scene or a big deal out of it - just satisfy your curiosity. I wish you well!
Merry Christmas!
2006-12-20 17:16:05 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You might as well catch on to the fact that most people are A wholes. People would rather cause pain then be loving. Its just a fact of life. I just hope you are still innocent enough not to succumb to it.
2006-12-20 17:21:07 · answer #8 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should just come out and say that you're hurt and feel excluded from the family. They are now your family and you don't want to feel like this a year from now.
2006-12-20 17:16:26 · answer #9 · answered by Jo 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have no idea why they would leave you out of it unless you did something to upset them. I do think it was a bit rude, but you shouldn't feel too bad about it because they are family. I really hope this helped.
2006-12-20 17:15:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋