Would it be rude if I changed my maid of honor??

Question

The girl I asked to be my moh lives in another state. She says she would do it but she isn't sure if she would have enough money to get here for the wedding. So me n my fiance talked about it and we offered to pay her way here since it really isnt as much as we thought it would be. Then she tells me that she cant go anywhere without her boyfriend, which we do not have enough money inour budget for both of them. My fiance says he should pay for them to get up here then. I talked with another good friend of mine about this, who also lives in another state and she is going to come to the wedding, agrees with my fiance.I thought about just asking her to be my moh since i know for a fact she is going to be here and she has money to pay her own travel expenses. But im not sure how to tell the girl i already asked that i changed my mind. I mean I still really want her to come, just not b in d wedding since she is unsure if she i can make it here. the wedd is only 3months away and im panicing

Answer 1

Don't be afraid to tell her she is no longer in the wedding party. It sounds like from what you wrote she was appreciating the fact that you could pay for her. She tried to pull even more money out of you for her boyfriend knowing you already have the expenses of a wedding. That doesn't sound like a good friend. Tell her how you feel and tell the other girl you want her to be the maid of honor. You need to have someone secure that you know will be there and not stand you up.

Answer 2

If she cannot afford to get to the wedding, then she should never have told you that she would be your maid of honor. It would be very rude to just change your MOH, but your friend should never have accepted in the first place. Choosing her as a MOH has nothing to do with her boyfriend - if she can't come without him, that's her problem and you and your fiance are under no obligation to pay transportation costs for either of them. Part of being MOH is to bear the expense of buying your bridesmaid drses, etc.

The wedding is only 3 months away! She should have bought her dress and made all the arrangements. You should explain to her that when she agreed to be your MOH, you understood that she had made a commitment to be part of the wedding, but she hasn't made any plans, etc. You cannot wait any longer - this is the most important day of your life and you need a MOH that can honor that commitment.

Answer 3

I understand that your friend isn't being a very good friend at the moment, but I think you will regret your decision if you remove her from the wedding altogether.

I would recommend telling her that, while you understand that it is difficult for her to be with you leading up to the wedding, you simply need someone around to help you take care of important details. I'd tell her to stay in the wedding as a bridesmaid or your personal/guestbook attendant, but that you won't be able to pay for her transportation anymore. You may find that she decides not to come, or says that she can't afford both, but at least you haven't taken the MOH role from her and removed her from the wedding completely.

I wish you luck and congrats on the upcoming wedding!

Answer 4

This is one of those situations where honesty is going to be your best policy. Tell your friend that you're concerned that she won't be there at the wedding, and that you can pay for her to be there (which is WAY generous), but you cannot afford to pay for her boyfriend to come as well. Tell her you need a firm comittment, and now, or you need to get someone else for your moh. If you want someone else to serve as your moh, then tell her that, that she was really waffling on it, and you found someone who is willing to do it. Part of the deal of agreeing to be in a wedding party is to pay for your own travel expenses, and your own clothing for the wedding. Be prepared for hurt feelings though, and I honestly don't see anyway around that. It's one of those nasty situations, where you've got to tell someone something that you'd rather not. The best way is to be straight up, and honest with her. Best of luck to you.

Answer 5

If the current MoH has already bought her dress, then you will have to reimburse her for the dress. And the new MoH will have to get a dress...will she have time and money for that?

Honestly, only kick her out of the bridal party if you are willing to lose her as a friend. I've seen it happen many times; not all friendships can survive that. I say pay for her to come, and tell her that her boyfriend is welcome at the wedding and reception, but that you can't afford to pay for his travel expenses too. She doesn't have to bring him.

Answer 6

Oh yea change her for sure. The wedding is about you and if she is only thinking about herself right now she will also be doing it on the wedding day. Get someone that you can depend on and will put you first in everything. And will plan you fun parties and just help put all the other stuff at ease for you.

Answer 7

Tell her you can not afford to pay for her boyfriend, but if he can pay his own way he is welcome to come. Let her know you woudl love to have her there beside you but if she can not make it, you would not be offended. Ask her to let you know by a set date one or two weeks from now, and then leave the decision up to her. At least you will know that you will have an answer by a set time and will be able to move forward.

Answer 8

Tell her to stay with her boyfriend who she "can't go anywhere without"... they're already complaining about even getting there in the first place. Choose the better gal and give yourself some peace of mind!

Answer 9

Yeah I think you would be right to change your moh----their responsibilies include taking a huge weight off your shoulders! To be there to pick up things, run around so you don't have to!

Answer 10

No it wont be mean and if u can't make up ur mine then just have 2 of them.My friend had 2 me and another girl.