I'll keep this as short as possible: love my gf dearly and know she loves me but she can't always show it. asked her about it, we talked; occurs to me (w/out her going into detail b/c she just freezes) she has unresolved issues (given to her from what I can tell) that are pretty big. She knows she needs to change: I have seen her attempts; she is so strong and strong willed that she tries to do it by herslef but I now realize she can't do it alone and probably needs pro help. I want to be there for her and I try to be. I seriously know I can't do it for her, just want her to know I am willing to travel this road w/ her to the end. So what do I tell her? Anything? Lead by example? This is extra tough for 2 reasons: first, no one I know has any practical experience to advise from, and second, whatever it is keeps the relationship from getting serious. It's like she wants it to be but this...whatever!, keeps getting in the way. Argh!!!
2006-12-20 08:30:21 · 20 answers · asked by randyken 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I was this girl. I came out of a bad marriage and felt unsure about everything. I met this man and he was like you....he didn't know what to do. I didn't want to lose him so I did go to a psychiartrist for help. She doesn't need to feel she's psycho to go there...it's a place she can go to talk to someone and know it's not going out of that room unless she says something. What you need to do is be there for support....just listen and let her talk to you and eventually she will open up. You need to understand though that this isn't an overnight fix...it takes time and patience but if you care enough...the end result will be worth it.
2006-12-20 08:49:53 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everybody needs help once in a while for various reasons, whether professional or other. Stick by her and listen and try to get her the help she needs w/out pushing her too hard. That's going to be tuff to know where to draw the line if she is determined to do it by herself. She will eventually see you are trying to help her any way you can. I'm sure this is going to take time to resolve, but if you really love her she is worth the wait and time and effort you will put forth. May I suggest you consult a professional for advice. If no body you knows has had experience with this kind of thing that would probably be the best. ALSO, even if they have had expoerience, how do you know the advice you receive is good enough to work for you? Every situation is unique. Good Luck
2006-12-20 08:39:34 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This girl of yours is lucky to have you from what I'm reading. I suggest that you get her some kind of counseling or suggest that she talks to a priest or minister. If she has issues that won't even allow you to be totally happy then she needs help. Maybe she was raped or molested or something else. Whatever she is going thru, she needs your help and she needs professional help because holding whatever inside like she is doing isn't good for her mentally, physically, or emotionally. Assure her that you aren't going anywhere and you are gonna be by her side thru whatever. Also, some women need to see that you are more than what your lips are saying. She probably need lost of affection and attention as well. Just assure her that you love her and no matter what it is that you don't plan on leaving her no matter what. I can tell that you have a big heart for this young lady so no matter what stick with her. God bless
2006-12-20 08:41:30 · answer #3 · answered by sharethalove 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a classic defence mechanism. If she has been hurt in the past, then she won't want this to occur again. The easiest way for her to prevent this is to lock you out and deal with it in her own time, and doesn't have to face the threat of you hurting her (if that is what her issue is about). The best you can do is look after yourself. If you don't, you will get angry at her and start resenting her, which will damage your relationship. She knows you love her, just give her time and she will come to you when she is ready.
2006-12-20 08:43:37 · answer #4 · answered by mel_johns 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps agree to go to "relationship" counseling along with her. The counselor will be able to pinpoint the individual issues that she has and take it from there.
Your support will be extra extra special to her as she goes through this process. She has trouble expressing herself...find games, books, etc. that will help her open up to you. Ask questions, questions questions and be willing to LISTEN... men have a hard time listening... maybe not you, but men in general. So pay extra close attention so that she can "see" that you are really interested in what she has to say.
Love on her some more... it will work out.
Good Luck!
2006-12-20 08:35:12 · answer #5 · answered by Lady Porter 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm no expert, but it depends on what her unresolved issues are and how they are affecting her. If she's been hurt in the past (physically or emotionally) she will naturally be resistant to getting close to someone. She is afraid of being hurt. It hurts when you love someone. . .you then have a lot to lose.
Be patient with her. Let her know that you are there when she needs you. Ask her what you can do to help her. If she knows she has your support and patience and. . .most importantly. . .she WANTS to change. . .it will happen.
I wish you the best.
2006-12-20 08:35:50 · answer #6 · answered by YuckItUp 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Suggest couples therapy at first. This will get her into a clinical setting and allow her to see that therapists can actually do a lot of good and help us confront our demons so that our lives can move forward. This is affecting both of you so a couples counselor is a good start.
Once she's comfortable with the idea, suggest her getting her own therapist to really dive in to the underlying reason for her issues and tools to allow her to deal with those issues.
2006-12-20 08:35:10 · answer #7 · answered by gzam415 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Look I have been in your shoes. My first wife was a very depressed person and judgmental on certain issues. She loved me but her "demons" had too much control on her and kept her from being very affectionate or passive.This also made her very untrusting to not only me but everyone else too.
I could kick myself now for not stepping up to the plate and making her sit down and realize how much help she needed and that it wasnt a bad thing to need the help.
You need to tell her this; Say look babe, I love you and I know you love me but you need to come out of that shell and live life like you really "want" to live life and have me in that life.I see you trying to solve things in your mind on your own but its not getting there that way.
Tell her that you understand some of her issues are private and things she may not want you to have to deal with.so say I will be glad to go with you to see someone and can either go in with you or just wait for you to be done.But either way I am here for you unless you tell me thats not how you want it.
Remember one thing.Most people with issues that are in their minds dont see them for how bad they really are because they are used to them being there.Its not till they get help and start to get away from them issues do they finally realize how bad they really were.
Its going to be a long road,but hopefuly worth it in the end for you both.
Be strong and good luck!
2006-12-20 08:43:08 · answer #8 · answered by vmaxer85 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the thing to remember-is no matter how hard she fights you, let her know how serious you are to be there for her. she may not SHOW she appreciates you for a while, but she will hold you high in her heart because she knows that YOU are there for her. in the end, it will all boil down and she will hold you in such a high place in her life, be so thankful and know that YOU were there for her. if you love this girl and are just patient, she will come around on her own. just be sweet and supportive and she will always know who was REALLY there for her during this difficult time.
2006-12-20 08:45:01 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jus keep stickin by her side and help her along the way, thats all you can do if she wont get help but jus mention it to her but is she says no leave it alone for a while but dont push it.
2006-12-20 08:34:49 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋