when I tell him no, he smacks, tells me he hates me and calls me names like big fat meanie, stupid, fat girl, and dumby...I am pretty fat right now, I am having a baby in 3 weeks but still, it kinda hurts..
I just say I love you too, and it makes me so happy when you sya that! Do you have any input and suggestion.
He either crys or gets super mad like that...is this normal??
2006-12-20 08:27:16 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
It may be that he is having some issues related to the coming baby. He may be feeling unsure or insecure because his whole life is about to be turned upside down. Be sure to have some positive one-on-one time with him every day right now. Talk to him and tell him stories/show pictures of when he was a baby. Find out how he is feeling about the changes that are coming and see if he has any questions about what it will be like when the baby comes. Stress how much you love him and that the baby will never take his place, that you have enough love and attention for everyone. (Yet be realistic about how much work a new baby can be!) Talk to him about ways he can help such as singing to the baby while you change her diaper or helping put lotion on her, etc.
At the same time.....don't allow him to disrespect you! It's normal for kids to go through phases of "I hate you!" with their parents. I know my son went through that at some point. A good response is, "nice try" because you know he doesn't really mean that. He loves you, he's just mad at you about something. Smacking you and calling you nasty names is disrespectful and inappropriate though. Stress that if he doesn't like something, he can tell you, "it makes me mad when you say no!" or something like that, but trying to be hateful and hurtful to another person is wrong.
Talk to him about the difference between "love" and "like" and that he can not feel as though he likes you for a while because he is angry (and you feel the same way about him sometimes) but that you always love him even when you're mad and you're sure he loves you deep down.
2006-12-20 09:18:53 · answer #1 · answered by momma2mingbu 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I don't think it is normal for a 7 year old to say that to you. He is the child and you are the parent therefore I feel that he should have more respect for you than that. It is obvious that your child has heard this from someone and has picked up this bad habit. You need to put your foot down and teach him that his behavior is unacceptable. There are many ways for you to let him know that the word HATE is a word with a strong meaning. I wish you luck on trying to do that. It will be hard but if you are having another baby soon then you don't want him to teach his brother/sister to do the same thing. If that happens and you haven't stopped him yet then the vicious cycle will continue. Trust me I know I have witnessed it through my family.
2006-12-20 17:56:52 · answer #2 · answered by MonsieB. 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It is normal for children to react that way, and I've experienced it as well, but he is too old to be throwing tantrums that way.
Many times it is simply for attention, but you cannot let him 'win.' He has to learn that when he does things like that he doesn't get the kind of 'reward' attention he wants, or to 'win' and mommy 'loses.' He has to know that bad behaviour recieves negative attention: punishment.
You can't allow it to go on as it is because without discipline he will lack in respect for you. I babysit for a five-yr-old girl who hits and throws tantrums. In my experience you should ask "Do you really hate me? Why?" or could use time-out technique (which I have found very helpful) Using firm (Not angry) tone saying "You do not treat mommy that way. Come with me right now." Take him to stand in a corner for a few minutes until he is calm. If he gets up/walks away physically (Not hurt him) put him back until he calms down. He won't like it the first time, but you've got to be firm until he does it, then things will become much easier.
After he calms down you can go over to him and use questions: "Why were you punished? What did you do that was wrong?" or "Why shouldn't you treat mommy that way?" Ask for an apology and then he can go back to his normal activities.
2006-12-20 16:59:54 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Normal? Yes
Acceptable? No
When you tell him no, and he smacks you.... he'd better not be able to sit down for a week. I don't advocating hitting (spanking) unless the child draws first blood. If he hits you, then his punishment for that must be so severe that he will never hit another person as long as he lives. If you are adament about not spanking, then move his bed to the garage and tell him if he is going to act like an animal, he is going to live like an animal.
As for name calling, sure all little boys do that, and then they get punished. Eventually they will draw a connection.... call someone names, loose TV for a week..... hmmm maybe I will stop calling people names.
2006-12-20 16:45:08 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
There is no way you can let him get away with this. This isn't just a daddy job, this is a two-timer thing. You and your husband both need to set the rules straight, and find out what's really bugging him. Don't let him go on like this, it'll just get worse when he's older.
By the way, when you're setting down the rules, don't be mad at him and yell at him because then it won't help anything.
2006-12-20 23:44:33 · answer #5 · answered by Akarui 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No it's not normal, unfortunately it is becoming the normal. To many parents are afraid to discipline their children. They worry they are being to hard, or that their child will hate them. News flash, you don't discipline your child NOW, society will discipline them later. You need to put you foot down and expect, not request respect. You have allowed this behavior, but you can change it. It's going to be twice as hard because he already has his way. But you CAN do it. You need to be consistent and firm. I do spank my children, I rarely have to, but I do. It is not abuse, I only spank on the rear end. None of this slapping their mouth or hand stuff. When they were done crying, we'd sit and talk about what they did wrong, why it's wrong, and what they will do next time. When your child does something wrong, there needs to be a consequence. You need to enforce the consequence, whether it be a time out, grounding, or spanking. And if you do the time out thing, make sure your child can't watch TV from where they are at. I kills me to see parents put their children in time out only to have the child play or watch TV. You have to be strict in the beginning, but as the child learns to behave you will notice you don't have to be so strict anymore. Remember to be CONSISTENT. If you say no, it means no. Every time! Don't give in. Good luck.
2006-12-21 01:27:56 · answer #6 · answered by nightbird 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Um, you shouldnt let your kid smack you...thats crazy. discipline your kid...now that doesnt mean ABUSE him, but a little spanking her or there isn't going to kill him. Also, you need to make him stop the name calling now. I get the feelings that when he gets in trouble, you dont follow through with the punishment you give him...yea you definately need to do that. If you don't follow through with punishment, he will never learn. And also, with the new baby coming he might feel like you won't love him as much, so you need to sit down with him and tell him even though there is a new baby you will still love him just as much as you do now.
2006-12-20 17:48:29 · answer #7 · answered by ashleyrt1 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I've always told my kids "you hit me, I hit you back" and I did. They hit me approximately once. Sorry to all those who dissagree with me on this one. However, I DO NOT believe in spanking my children, but I will not be beat up by them either.
Hitting is never acceptable. Saying mean things to hurt someone on purpose is never acceptable. Be sure he knows this and let him know the punishment for his actions and then FOLLOW THROUGH with the punishment EVERY time. Let him know you are serious about helping him to learn an acceptable form of behavior.
Good luck.
2006-12-20 18:19:09 · answer #8 · answered by Cassiopeia 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
My 4 year old tells me when she gets in trouble that she cant love me anymore, i just let it go because she will eventually get over it. She has been doing this since she was about 2 1/2. I just tell her that when she wants to love me again to let me know it only takes a few hours.
2006-12-21 14:48:17 · answer #9 · answered by bowlinggirl84 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Its normal. They just get so mad and they aren't quite sure how to handle it , so they can say some pretty mean things. I sat my kids down when they did this and told them how much that it hurt my feelings and even added a tear to my eye for effect and it worked wonders, my kids never did it again.
2006-12-20 19:48:50 · answer #10 · answered by Urchin 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋