My fiancé and I are planning to get married in August. He has a 6y/o daughter from a previous marriage. The mother had her rights terminated, and is not in the picture. His daughter has recently been acting out at home & school. She sneaks things from the kitchen, lies, talks back, refuses to listen, and also has taken money from my purse. She's always had trouble with listening and talking back, but it seems she has gotten worse. We have tried to punish her by taking things away or yelling, but it never works. Talking to her and explaining what she did wrong doesn't work either. She also has days where she is absolutely perfect, and couldn’t seem happier, but those seem to be getting fewer and fewer. I don’t even know how to get through to her anymore, but it is putting quite a strain on our relationship. My fiancé does not want to try counseling yet, he thinks she will grow out of it. I don’t mind waiting to try counseling, but in the meantime I would like to do something.
2006-12-20 08:26:45 · 17 answers · asked by briem23 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I'm going to get "thumbs down" for this, but that's because the majority of people on here refuse to use actual discipline on their children.
You need to spank her. When I was that age and I acted up--I got a whoopin' and never did it again. Of course talking to her isn't going to help because that isn't discipline! She needs her butt spanked.
2006-12-20 08:29:58 · answer #1 · answered by CelebrateMeHome 6 · 8⤊ 4⤋
The daughter has completely lost her mother, and now you are set to "replace" her. I don't think sticking a 6 year old in counseling is exactly appropriate, but there are plenty of family counseling options that are less intimidating and could help you with your new family dynamic.
Her behavior seems atypical for even an undisciplined 6 year old. I think taking things from your purse (especially if she primarily targets you and not her dad) is being caused by an underlying problem.
Oh yeah, "Mahvelous" - take an already traumatized 6 year old and completely change your method of discipline and start hitting her. Won't that work wonders.
2006-12-20 10:03:04 · answer #2 · answered by eli_star 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The daughter is afraid you are going to take away the attention she is use to getting from her father. She is confused, frightened, and not sure how to deal with her feelings. Thus, she acts out. Regardless of what daddy thinks, counselling, especially family counselling with all 3 of you, would benefit all in this situation. I strongly recommend that you find a good family therapist and get started right away so that she and everyone else involved can get some peace of mind.
2006-12-20 09:44:24 · answer #3 · answered by wrongsister 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
"We" shouldn't be doing anything. Your finance on the other hand needs to step up his parenting, not just leave her for you to deal with. Even if you two get married, you need to stay out of enforcing punishments. That's his job.
What your finance should be doing is setting limits for her. Teach her. This is OK, this isn't. Set consequences for bad behavior, such as time outs, long time outs, taking toys/privileges away, and if all else fails spanking. Any and all consequences need to be backed up with lots of communication and love.
She is 6 and doesn't need counseling for behavior modification. However she may need counseling due to the not having a mom in her life, so I'd consider that.
2006-12-20 21:47:45 · answer #4 · answered by olschoolmom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please do not stick a 6 yr old in counseling. She is probably just getting used to you and the new arrangements. Add that to being yelled at, which doesn't work for any child.
On her good days, tell her how good she's being. When she's bad, send her to her room or time-out and say something like, "When you can be the nice sweet girl we love you can come out." Or, you could spank her if you haven't tried that.
2006-12-20 09:16:13 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
It could be a phase and she might grow out of it but counseling might not be a bad idea. Thats a tough call. If its putting a strain on your relationship than something needs to be done. Obviously there is a reason for why she's acting that way. Maybe if you found out why she's acting that way then the problem can be fixed.
2006-12-20 08:33:35 · answer #6 · answered by valerie_lynn82 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
At 3 she isnt going to unsersatnd alot of rationalization, yet she is def responsive to the region that is going on. selection one i think of you may desire to touch a counselor, yet as far as a rapid fix, whilst she asks you approximately her mommy you are able to tell her that she moved. whilst she asks what does that advise you clarify that. save your motives short and straightforward. i could definately enable her to call you mommy. it relatively is a identify it relatively is earned and you maximum definately have. Be proud that she perspectives you as such. enable the mother cope with the guilt and you get the excitement of the little lady. She basically desires to belong and sense enjoyed and slot in. supply her that family individuals unit feeling and those different themes will start to wilter away. She is youthful adequate to forget approximately the mother, and she or he would be able to be a extra powerful individual for doing so. reliable success..
2016-10-05 13:33:39 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I will give you one piece of advice.....
DO NOT GET MARRIED WITH THE TYPE OF TROUBLES
they will not improve... and if your not willing to deal with them now, then someday will never come and if or when it does it will not be pretty and you will regret that you didn't do something when you had the chance
if this is your first marriage, i definitely would not go into it with this kind of trouble... there is plenty of other troubles coming anyway... BE WISE!
2006-12-20 10:33:03 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to understand that this could be a tough time for her. She's only six years old.
You also have to understand that "talking to her" and "taking things away" doesn't work on all children. Sometimes it takes a spanking to get their attention. Like for me, I would laugh if my parent just "talked to me" and "took something away." I would laugh right in their face and say "I don't care". Everyone is different. If that form of "discipline" that you're doing isn't working, then you need to try something else. Otherwise, it's just going to get worse and worse.
2006-12-20 09:26:44 · answer #9 · answered by Annamarie 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Well she thinks you replaced her mom. Her mom isn't in the picture anymore and she is blamming you. Angry at you that her mom and dad arn't together. I am not saying it is your fault. Kids don't understand things like that. You need to talk to her and tell her all the time you care alot about her, and try to have one on one time with her. Tell her if she needs anything, even to talk she can talk to you. If this behavior doesn't change, you need to take he rin for help. It isn't like it will be a bad thing for her to have someone to talk to you know. She might need it, and can't tell you how she feels.
2006-12-20 08:32:22 · answer #10 · answered by Brandy 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
seeing that change has been a negative thing to her so far (not being able to see her mother) she's acting out to get attention mayby she was the only one in her father's life who she truly loved and know you're their so she wants to some way win his love back
2006-12-20 08:40:35 · answer #11 · answered by Saidah B 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋